Quitting due to grandmothers frequent visits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Family is always going to come first. This family doesn’t need a nanny. They need a warm body for the one week a month when grandmother won’t be there doing it all herself anyway. Start shopping around for a new position and give them a reasonable amount of notice and move on.

This is not a major point, but I don't agree with this. A lot of grandmas can't or won't take care of a baby completely on their own, let alone for 2-3 weeks at a time. This family may very much need a FT nanny who is there every day of the month.

Having said that, OP, I agree that your situation is not tenable and you should look for a new job. You could talk with the parents (but only after you have strong prospects), but realistically, it's not going to get better to the point you will be happier with them than with a new family. Grandma clearly doesn't have boundaries and will get only more unpleasant if the parents talk with her, no matter how tactfully. The only way I see things working with Grandma is if you split baby time with her so your hours get cut, or she spends a set time with you & baby e.g., a half day and you just have to suck up her presence for that time, but at least it's not the whole day. But as I said before, I don't think this will work and you need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandmas are the worst when it comes to working side-by side with.

It is like a separate form of Hell.

Been there.
Not EVER doing that!

I'm an MB so take my two cents FWIW, but I don't agree, it depends on the grandma. My mom visited us a few times for 2 weeks at a time when DD was a baby and she and DD's nanny loved each other. My mom has boundaries, is super-polite and while she loves DD, she doesn't have a super-strong grandma instinct where she feels the need to take over. Our nanny loved to cook and would offer to help my mom with meal prep (while DD was sleeping) and swap recipes with my mom, haha. Not all grandmas are bad to be with!

[Anonymous]

I'll chime in with a positive grandma story, too. I absolutely adore my MB's mother! She is a wonderful person altogether and she never undermines me or makes my work more difficult. I wish she could be my grandma.

Then again, one of the grandmas in the past made me want to jump out of the window, so it evens out.

OP, any progress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandmas are the worst when it comes to working side-by side with.

It is like a separate form of Hell.

Been there.
Not EVER doing that!

I'm an MB so take my two cents FWIW, but I don't agree, it depends on the grandma. My mom visited us a few times for 2 weeks at a time when DD was a baby and she and DD's nanny loved each other. My mom has boundaries, is super-polite and while she loves DD, she doesn't have a super-strong grandma instinct where she feels the need to take over. Our nanny loved to cook and would offer to help my mom with meal prep (while DD was sleeping) and swap recipes with my mom, haha. Not all grandmas are bad to be with!

I have always had this type of relationship with the grandmothers of my charges. I absolutely love grandparents, especially grandmothers, and work very well side by side with hem. I text my current charges’ grandmother regularly and not always about the children. And I cannot wait for them to visit again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Family is always going to come first. This family doesn’t need a nanny. They need a warm body for the one week a month when grandmother won’t be there doing it all herself anyway. Start shopping around for a new position and give them a reasonable amount of notice and move on.

This is not a major point, but I don't agree with this. A lot of grandmas can't or won't take care of a baby completely on their own, let alone for 2-3 weeks at a time. This family may very much need a FT nanny who is there every day of the month.

Having said that, OP, I agree that your situation is not tenable and you should look for a new job. You could talk with the parents (but only after you have strong prospects), but realistically, it's not going to get better to the point you will be happier with them than with a new family. Grandma clearly doesn't have boundaries and will get only more unpleasant if the parents talk with her, no matter how tactfully. The only way I see things working with Grandma is if you split baby time with her so your hours get cut, or she spends a set time with you & baby e.g., a half day and you just have to suck up her presence for that time, but at least it's not the whole day. But as I said before, I don't think this will work and you need to move on.

I and the quoted poster and yes, some grandmas can’t or won’t. In this case, grandma is taking over every task but feeding and changing and she is micromanaging those. So the caregiver doesn’t need to be competent, she just needs to follow orders.