My son's nanny quit and I'm so sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your son crying all the time? Does he get enough sleep? Enough food?

It’s amazing how kids are predictable in these ways. Unless there is some major underlying psychological problem with anxiety, problems at home, kids become 180 degrees different when they get tons of food (healthy snacks) and plenty of rest.

Is this her first job? Has she watched kids before? Ask her how much she fed him.

Sometimes I feel like I spend all day going from breakfast to snack to lunch to snack to dinner and bedtime but otherwise my child gets cranky. Even my older kids show the same pattern if they don’t get enough food and sleep.

This is why a nannying job is hard and experience matters. Does she know these things?

I would try doing more feeding and more sleeping and see if your child turns around.

Also if your DS is an infant, he might have silent reflux. It’s very common.

Where does she have to go anyway? If staying home is what your child needs, all those music classes and outings don’t matter much anyway in the long run so I would have her stay home. Order groceries online. Amazon Fresh is great. I alternate between Amazon Fresh and Amazon Prime.

He refuses to take a nap and basically eats dry snacks all day.

So he’s overtired and his diet is crappy.

Either you need to change your orenting strategies a LOT or you are already doing all you can to set and enforce appropriate limits around meals and bedtime and behavior and he has some underlying SN that need a diagnosis and a better plan of attack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your son crying all the time? Does he get enough sleep? Enough food?

It’s amazing how kids are predictable in these ways. Unless there is some major underlying psychological problem with anxiety, problems at home, kids become 180 degrees different when they get tons of food (healthy snacks) and plenty of rest.

Is this her first job? Has she watched kids before? Ask her how much she fed him.

Sometimes I feel like I spend all day going from breakfast to snack to lunch to snack to dinner and bedtime but otherwise my child gets cranky. Even my older kids show the same pattern if they don’t get enough food and sleep.

This is why a nannying job is hard and experience matters. Does she know these things?

I would try doing more feeding and more sleeping and see if your child turns around.

Also if your DS is an infant, he might have silent reflux. It’s very common.

Where does she have to go anyway? If staying home is what your child needs, all those music classes and outings don’t matter much anyway in the long run so I would have her stay home. Order groceries online. Amazon Fresh is great. I alternate between Amazon Fresh and Amazon Prime.

He refuses to take a nap and basically eats dry snacks all day.

So he’s overtired and his diet is crappy.

Either you need to change your orenting strategies a LOT or you are already doing all you can to set and enforce appropriate limits around meals and bedtime and behavior and he has some underlying SN that need a diagnosis and a better plan of attack.

What PP said but I would say it nicer. Your son needs more sleep and better meals and the tantrums will not be so frequent.

[Anonymous]

Don't forget to time the meal/snack so he eats before he naps. Otherwise he will have napped but wake up hungry and then still be cranky.

That timing, frequency of meals due to tiny tummies not holding enough food, trying to convince them to sleep. That's not easy. No one said it's easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am a PP above telling OP to get to a psychologist. I think there is something wrong with her son and I have never been a nanny - just an MB and preschool director. Her son's acting out is severe.

A preschool director doesn't make you an expert on kids. Preschool directors are notorious for labeling kids as having something wrong with them if they don't conform. Guess what, sometimes kids need a little bit more attention and sometimes a lot more attention. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with this kid and shame on your for making the parent feel bad. I've seen it happen more than a few times.

I know preschools need kids to behave the same. They needs kids to not cry and a lot of kids do exactly that and do well and when that happens, the preschool director is told he/she runs a good school. So non-conforming kids must seem light a nightmare.

It doesn't mean this kid has something medically or psychologically wrong with him. You never know, but just because he cries 3 times a day doesn't mean there must be something intrinsically wrong with him so better get him officially labeled. That's not fair.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP.

But at least she gave you a specific reason for leaving & is giving you adequate notice.

If you really want her to stay, you can ask her if there is anything that can be done to try to resolve this since you truly like her.

But I wouldn’t pressure her.
I would likely expect her to leave.

When hiring her replacement, you may want to tell prospective candidates that your son has these meltdowns.
You also may consider offering a higher salary as well.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am a PP above telling OP to get to a psychologist. I think there is something wrong with her son and I have never been a nanny - just an MB and preschool director. Her son's acting out is severe.

A preschool director doesn't make you an expert on kids. Preschool directors are notorious for labeling kids as having something wrong with them if they don't conform. Guess what, sometimes kids need a little bit more attention and sometimes a lot more attention. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with this kid and shame on your for making the parent feel bad. I've seen it happen more than a few times.

I know preschools need kids to behave the same. They needs kids to not cry and a lot of kids do exactly that and do well and when that happens, the preschool director is told he/she runs a good school. So non-conforming kids must seem light a nightmare.

It doesn't mean this kid has something medically or psychologically wrong with him. You never know, but just because he cries 3 times a day doesn't mean there must be something intrinsically wrong with him so better get him officially labeled. That's not fair.

The preschool director know more than you, PO. Get to a child psychologist and he/she will help you with a blueprint to stop this behavior. DH, you and the new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Are you looking for a new nanny? I’d be glad to help! All it takes is patience and understanding ??

[Anonymous]

I think 3 is a difficult age. Too difficult for a one nanny/one child situation; 3 year olds are pack animals that should be grouped and corralled by 2 or 3 adults. We started Daycare for this reason. If Daycare is a viable option for you, I highly recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for a new nanny? I’d be glad to help! All it takes is patience and understanding ??

You sound very native but good luck anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 3 is a difficult age. Too difficult for a one nanny/one child situation; 3 year olds are pack animals that should be grouped and corralled by 2 or 3 adults. We started Daycare for this reason. If Daycare is a viable option for you, I highly recommend it.

Wow, I disagree 100%. While a preschool might be good for the child, the last thing I would ever do is put a three-year-old into a room with 11 other 3 yr olds who have been in Daycare for years. Normal three-year-old children are NOT too difficult for one nanny or one parent!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for a new nanny? I’d be glad to help! All it takes is patience and understanding ??

You sound very native but good luck anyway.

How do I? sound (naive) ? By trying to find a resolution for this child and mother? Learn how to spell by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for a new nanny? I’d be glad to help! All it takes is patience and understanding ??

You sound very native but good luck anyway.

How do I? sound (naive) ? By trying to find a resolution for this child and mother? Learn how to spell by the way.

NP here and you definitely sound naive in think that the nanny's "patience and understanding" are all it takes. I actually hope you get the job. You truly need a dose of reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your son crying all the time? Does he get enough sleep? Enough food?

It’s amazing how kids are predictable in these ways. Unless there is some major underlying psychological problem with anxiety, problems at home, kids become 180 degrees different when they get tons of food (healthy snacks) and plenty of rest.

Is this her first job? Has she watched kids before? Ask her how much she fed him.

Sometimes I feel like I spend all day going from breakfast to snack to lunch to snack to dinner and bedtime but otherwise my child gets cranky. Even my older kids show the same pattern if they don’t get enough food and sleep.

This is why a nannying job is hard and experience matters. Does she know these things?

I would try doing more feeding and more sleeping and see if your child turns around.

Also if your DS is an infant, he might have silent reflux. It’s very common.

Where does she have to go anyway? If staying home is what your child needs, all those music classes and outings don’t matter much anyway in the long run so I would have her stay home. Order groceries online. Amazon Fresh is great. I alternate between Amazon Fresh and Amazon Prime.

He refuses to take a nap and basically eats dry snacks all day.

Dry snacks? So processed foods. Switch to fruits and vegetables with protein, like apple slices with peanut butter or carrot sticks with hummus. Also, there's zero reason for a three-year-old to "refuse" to do anything. He needs to lie down for 5 minutes with his eyes closed. If he's still awake after 5 minutes, he can get up and play quietly for an hour. Otherwise, he can sleep as long as necessary.

[Anonymous]

i agree about the quiet time-if he won't nap that doesn't mean that an adult should be required to entertain him for all waking hours. he needs some time to decompress, and so does your nanny. you're going to have to start out small. i would purchase a visual timer and give him small rewards (i.e. a sticker) for playing appropriately alone for two minutes, five minutes, or whatever is the longest amount of time he will tolerate. you can work up from there until he's playing independently for longer stretches of time (at least 30 minutes).
if your child is behaving this way, you need to have him evaluated by a professional. you can make changes in his diet and attempt to influence his behavior, but if there is an underlying problem you need the support of therapists, doctors, etc. early intervention is very important and can mean a world of difference to a child when transitioning to kindergarten.
i'm a special education teacher and was previously a nanny for several children with special needs (chromosomal abnormality/autism/developmental delays). take the right steps and there is a whole community of support out there for you and your son, whatever the outcomes of any assessments may be. it could be a phase-no one knows until these evaluations take place.

[Anonymous]

Op here: My son does do quiet time. He will sit quietly and watch a movie or play with toys for 1-2 hours. His nanny decided to stay and give it one more month. She asked if I could sign him up for a few classes. She even told me that I need to stop going out on the weekends because my son misses me. I honestly think my son is so excited because his nanny takes him on way more outings than I ever have! I think he's really excited to do new things and he wants to spend more time at these activities. She's going to keep him out for 2 hours in the mornings. Hopefully this will be enough time to tire him out and he will fall asleep in the car.