Would you accept a position with a 2.5 yr old who is still nursing?

[Anonymous]

If you have two other options available to you right now, than I would consider them vs. this position.

This position has built-in challenges already which you have wisely brought up.

I say pass completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, this is the type of position I seek. I don't want a run-of-the-mill family. I like challenges, I like researching how best to help, and I like proving to parents that I am willing to put in more time and energy to care for their children than they expected when I was hired.

Offhand, I can think of five different ways that would be easy to try to teach herself to self-soothe, but it depends on the child's personality as to which (if any of those) may work.

You sound young and naive.
You actually can't fix everything.
Believe me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have two other options available to you right now, than I would consider them vs. this position.

This position has built-in challenges already which you have wisely brought up.

I say pass completely.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

OP here - and thank you so much for the input. I am going to follow my gut feelings and pass on this position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, this is the type of position I seek. I don't want a run-of-the-mill family. I like challenges, I like researching how best to help, and I like proving to parents that I am willing to put in more time and energy to care for their children than they expected when I was hired.

Offhand, I can think of five different ways that would be easy to try to teach herself to self-soothe, but it depends on the child's personality as to which (if any of those) may work.

You sound young and naive.
You actually can't fix everything.
Believe me.

Interesting. You don't believe that it's worth helping the child?

By the way, I'm not interested in fixing everything. I'm interested in unusual scenarios and children who need a different approach. I find that parents I seek are looking for someone creative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, this is the type of position I seek. I don't want a run-of-the-mill family. I like challenges, I like researching how best to help, and I like proving to parents that I am willing to put in more time and energy to care for their children than they expected when I was hired.

Offhand, I can think of five different ways that would be easy to try to teach herself to self-soothe, but it depends on the child's personality as to which (if any of those) may work.

You sound young and naive.
You actually can't fix everything.
Believe me.

Interesting. You don't believe that it's worth helping the child?

By the way, I'm not interested in fixing everything. I'm interested in unusual scenarios and children who need a different approach. I find that parents I seek are looking for someone creative.

Yes, you are very special and obviously a better nanny than any of the rest of us.

Look, I’m not the other poster who responded to you, but I can tell you that solutions can only be found to problems that the parents a) also consider to be a problem and b) are willing to work on with you. The red flag here is not that the child will have to make this adjustment. It is that the child will have to make this adjustment and mom has had no advanced planning on how to facilitate that change. That tells me that Mom is not doing extended on-demand nursing as part of a choice about her family but because she personally doesn’t want to have to say no to her child and she is looking to outsource that to a nanny. That is not a philosophy of parenting, it is a failure to parent. I can tell you right now that whatever strategies you use to teach self soothing are going to be an uphill battle when mom goes right back to all day nursing every single weekend. And if you imply that reinforcing self soothing techniques that you can’t replicate during the week is not best serving her child, mom will accuse you of not being good at your job and of judging her. But you go ahead and track down and take all of the jobs you want with parents who have opted out of as much of the parenting struggle as they can. I’m sure that you will never have any problems with that. Because you are so special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, this is the type of position I seek. I don't want a run-of-the-mill family. I like challenges, I like researching how best to help, and I like proving to parents that I am willing to put in more time and energy to care for their children than they expected when I was hired.

Offhand, I can think of five different ways that would be easy to try to teach herself to self-soothe, but it depends on the child's personality as to which (if any of those) may work.

You sound young and naive.
You actually can't fix everything.
Believe me.

Interesting. You don't believe that it's worth helping the child?

By the way, I'm not interested in fixing everything. I'm interested in unusual scenarios and children who need a different approach. I find that parents I seek are looking for someone creative.

Yes, you are very special and obviously a better nanny than any of the rest of us.

Look, I’m not the other poster who responded to you, but I can tell you that solutions can only be found to problems that the parents a) also consider to be a problem and b) are willing to work on with you. The red flag here is not that the child will have to make this adjustment. It is that the child will have to make this adjustment and mom has had no advanced planning on how to facilitate that change. That tells me that Mom is not doing extended on-demand nursing as part of a choice about her family but because she personally doesn’t want to have to say no to her child and she is looking to outsource that to a nanny. That is not a philosophy of parenting, it is a failure to parent. I can tell you right now that whatever strategies you use to teach self soothing are going to be an uphill battle when mom goes right back to all day nursing every single weekend. And if you imply that reinforcing self soothing techniques that you can’t replicate during the week is not best serving her child, mom will accuse you of not being good at your job and of judging her. But you go ahead and track down and take all of the jobs you want with parents who have opted out of as much of the parenting struggle as they can. I’m sure that you will never have any problems with that. Because you are so special.

This. You do not go looking for trouble. This is a red flag to be sure! When this situation goes badly - and it will - the nanny will be blamed and most likely fired. No reference. You are not "creative", PP - you are just not terrifically bright. When you have three choices, you do not choose the one that will potentially hurt your career.

[Anonymous]

We did extended nursing. While it might not have looked like it to an outsider, by 2.5 there were definitely firm limits. By 2.5, Dd could easily handle the days I was away. We also actively worked to transition Dd from the with mom or dad all the time stage to the preschool stage. We set limits on nursing times and signed her up for activities where parents were observers, not participants. Now that I have an almost 9yo, I can say that early attachment worked at raising a kid who knows she has a safe home base, but loves venturing out into the world with nary a glance back.

If you didn’t have a good gut feeling about the family, then pass. However, if it occurs again and your spidey senses don’t tingle, I wouldn’t write off the family just for extended nursing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did extended nursing. While it might not have looked like it to an outsider, by 2.5 there were definitely firm limits. By 2.5, Dd could easily handle the days I was away. We also actively worked to transition Dd from the with mom or dad all the time stage to the preschool stage. We set limits on nursing times and signed her up for activities where parents were observers, not participants. Now that I have an almost 9yo, I can say that early attachment worked at raising a kid who knows she has a safe home base, but loves venturing out into the world with nary a glance back.

If you didn’t have a good gut feeling about the family, then pass. However, if it occurs again and your spidey senses don’t tingle, I wouldn’t write off the family just for extended nursing.

This is a different situation, PP. I did extended nursing as well but, like you, had limits. This child has been with her mother for 2.5 years and is nursing on demand. To have a 2.5 yr old nurse twice during an hour long interview with the nanny is ridiculous and supremely unhealthy for the child. I imagine the child was using nursing during that hour as a way to comfort herself when her mother was talking to a stranger. Now the mother is going to leave the child for the first time for the entire day? This nanny was smart to run from this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did extended nursing. While it might not have looked like it to an outsider, by 2.5 there were definitely firm limits. By 2.5, Dd could easily handle the days I was away. We also actively worked to transition Dd from the with mom or dad all the time stage to the preschool stage. We set limits on nursing times and signed her up for activities where parents were observers, not participants. Now that I have an almost 9yo, I can say that early attachment worked at raising a kid who knows she has a safe home base, but loves venturing out into the world with nary a glance back.

If you didn’t have a good gut feeling about the family, then pass. However, if it occurs again and your spidey senses don’t tingle, I wouldn’t write off the family just for extended nursing.

This is a different situation, PP. I did extended nursing as well but, like you, had limits. This child has been with her mother for 2.5 years and is nursing on demand. To have a 2.5 yr old nurse twice during an hour long interview with the nanny is ridiculous and supremely unhealthy for the child. I imagine the child was using nursing during that hour as a way to comfort herself when her mother was talking to a stranger. Now the mother is going to leave the child for the first time for the entire day? This nanny was smart to run from this situation.

Agreed. Extended nursing and attachment parenting are perfectly fine and healthy if you as a family commit to that choice and are mindful of the drawbacks, including that it will take time and effort to transfer child’s bond to a new tertiary attachment figure/caregiver if they have only had their primary and secondary attachment figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did extended nursing. While it might not have looked like it to an outsider, by 2.5 there were definitely firm limits. By 2.5, Dd could easily handle the days I was away. We also actively worked to transition Dd from the with mom or dad all the time stage to the preschool stage. We set limits on nursing times and signed her up for activities where parents were observers, not participants. Now that I have an almost 9yo, I can say that early attachment worked at raising a kid who knows she has a safe home base, but loves venturing out into the world with nary a glance back.

If you didn’t have a good gut feeling about the family, then pass. However, if it occurs again and your spidey senses don’t tingle, I wouldn’t write off the family just for extended nursing.

This is a different situation, PP. I did extended nursing as well but, like you, had limits. This child has been with her mother for 2.5 years and is nursing on demand. To have a 2.5 yr old nurse twice during an hour long interview with the nanny is ridiculous and supremely unhealthy for the child. I imagine the child was using nursing during that hour as a way to comfort herself when her mother was talking to a stranger. Now the mother is going to leave the child for the first time for the entire day? This nanny was smart to run from this situation.

Agreed. Extended nursing and attachment parenting are perfectly fine and healthy if you as a family commit to that choice and are mindful of the drawbacks, including that it will take time and effort to transfer child’s bond to a new tertiary attachment figure/caregiver if they have only had their primary and secondary attachment figures.

I agree with the last two posters 100%. And I am glad that OP passed on this position - I, too, would see this as a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha ha ha ha no way, run!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD nursed until three months after her third birthday. She was not (and is not now) a brat. She did not expect everything on demand.

I nursed her in the morning when she woke up, when I got home from work, and a third time before bed. I pumped at work. It was no big deal.

So to answer the question in your subject line, I think you shouldn't rule it out. But inside where you explain the toddler nursed twice during one hour - THAT is the weird part.

Not weird. There was someone taking up her mother’s attention and she wanted to be close to her mother.

OP, I would ask how she expects to handle the transition, but the toddler will easily adjust to being nursed in the morning and evening. Of course I wouldn’t rule out a family bc they nursing their child; I’m surprised that even crossed your mind.