Embarrassing and difficult situation: WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she refuses to be checked and properly treated in the event of lice, then yes, I would fire her.


I'm very disturbed that she turned down your offer to have someone check her immediately. I would want to find out for sure if I was the nanny. I would tell her you will make arrangements to have her checked during her regular work hours. Then you can evaluate from that point.


If she had surgery and is completely my to work impaired, I would require a doctors note that she is cleared to return to work. There is no way you should be providing extra coverage for truly elective surgery.

All of this. She doesn't sound like a very good employee to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Lice does not equate = filthy.

It is not caused only by filth issues.
It can be spread from one individual to another.

No dirt involved.

I am a Nanny and my employers ask me to get a flu shot annually & I comply because I like and need my job.

Getting one's hair inspected is a much easier request to fulfill.

If the Nanny likes + needs her job, no doubt she will comply.

If she declines, then let her find another job.

[Anonymous]

I think that if you're the AA nanny for a white family (I have no idea if this family is white, but given the discussion of types of lice above, it appears so), there is no way to hear this request that doesn't sound like the family thinks you're dirty, and wants to personally inspect your head. No matter how well-meaning this MB is, there is a long history of racism in this country, and a white woman wanting to verify that a black woman is clean and vermin-free, rather than taking that black woman's word for it, is going to be met with suspicion and upset, especially when the white woman is the one who got the lice in the first place, while the black woman wasn't even working.

OP, I think you should believe her and let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that if you're the AA nanny for a white family (I have no idea if this family is white, but given the discussion of types of lice above, it appears so), there is no way to hear this request that doesn't sound like the family thinks you're dirty, and wants to personally inspect your head. No matter how well-meaning this MB is, there is a long history of racism in this country, and a white woman wanting to verify that a black woman is clean and vermin-free, rather than taking that black woman's word for it, is going to be met with suspicion and upset, especially when the white woman is the one who got the lice in the first place, while the black woman wasn't even working.

OP, I think you should believe her and let this go.

This is absolutely not about race. OP said that her mom/grandmother got it from her family after a 5 day vacation. The nanny spends more time with the family than this, therefore has a high chance of also having lice. This is completely logical that a woman of any race around an infected family would likely also get lice.

OP, since it sounds like you have backup care, I would inquire the possibility of extending it until you can get a new nanny. Being prepared to let your current one go will ease your mind if it does come to an unpleasant conclusion of firing the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that if you're the AA nanny for a white family (I have no idea if this family is white, but given the discussion of types of lice above, it appears so), there is no way to hear this request that doesn't sound like the family thinks you're dirty, and wants to personally inspect your head. No matter how well-meaning this MB is, there is a long history of racism in this country, and a white woman wanting to verify that a black woman is clean and vermin-free, rather than taking that black woman's word for it, is going to be met with suspicion and upset, especially when the white woman is the one who got the lice in the first place, while the black woman wasn't even working.

OP, I think you should believe her and let this go.

This is absolutely not about race. OP said that her mom/grandmother got it from her family after a 5 day vacation. The nanny spends more time with the family than this, therefore has a high chance of also having lice. This is completely logical that a woman of any race around an infected family would likely also get lice.

OP, since it sounds like you have backup care, I would inquire the possibility of extending it until you can get a new nanny. Being prepared to let your current one go will ease your mind if it does come to an unpleasant conclusion of firing the nanny.

Everything is about race, or is potentially about race. That's the sucky part about living in a society rife with racism. You just never know, and it makes even innocent interactions feel icky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that if you're the AA nanny for a white family (I have no idea if this family is white, but given the discussion of types of lice above, it appears so), there is no way to hear this request that doesn't sound like the family thinks you're dirty, and wants to personally inspect your head. No matter how well-meaning this MB is, there is a long history of racism in this country, and a white woman wanting to verify that a black woman is clean and vermin-free, rather than taking that black woman's word for it, is going to be met with suspicion and upset, especially when the white woman is the one who got the lice in the first place, while the black woman wasn't even working.

OP, I think you should believe her and let this go.

This is absolutely not about race. OP said that her mom/grandmother got it from her family after a 5 day vacation. The nanny spends more time with the family than this, therefore has a high chance of also having lice. This is completely logical that a woman of any race around an infected family would likely also get lice.

OP, since it sounds like you have backup care, I would inquire the possibility of extending it until you can get a new nanny. Being prepared to let your current one go will ease your mind if it does come to an unpleasant conclusion of firing the nanny.

Everything is about race, or is potentially about race. That's the sucky part about living in a society rife with racism. You just never know, and it makes even innocent interactions feel icky.

It's about Lice. Not race. Lice are not racist.

[Anonymous]

It's really, really uncommon for AAs to get North American lice. Apparently (but unsurprisingly if you think about it), African lice has evolved/adapted differently. There are a bunch of articles about this if you google. (In schools, e.g., a recent study found that like .4% of AA kids get head lice v. over 10% of whites.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a nanny who has hair extensions and just had extensive elective cosmetic surgery. I would not want someone so superficial and focused on looks nannying my kids.

This thread was entertaining enough before you chimed in. Yes I get that this is a serious topic and OP wanted feedback from supposedly well meaning or experienced individuals. You suggesting that someone is superficial based on a few sentences with no other background information is so very ignorant and stupid and closed-minded and prudish and I could go on and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing has been really unpleasant for us so please be kind in your responses, we're just trying to do what is best for everyone involved. We have lice. Apparently it was so bad that we probably had it for a while. All 3 of my children, my husband and myself have it as do my mother and grandmother who we spent a 5 day vacation with a week ago. We discovered it the day we came home from vacation. My husband was not with us on the vacation and he still had it. Our nanny wasn't with us on the vacation either but given my husband still had it and she's probably with the children even more than he is it seems pretty likely she has it too. The timing has been bad because she just had extensive elective cosmetic surgery and has been out recovering all week. We found out the day before her surgery and I told her about it then. She said her hair dresser looked at her hair and didn't see anything and she doesn't feel like she has lice. I offered to pay to have someone come to her house this weekend to check her but she said she doesn't want anyone at her house (and she sent me a pretty nasty text about it). She is coming back to work on Monday (at her insistence because she doesn't want to use anymore of her vacation/sick days even though I will have to have someone else here too if she is still on pain meds) so I arranged to have someone check her at my house. Here's the biggest issue. She has hair extensions so they can't do the usual combing of her hair, they can only check visually if she has it. In addition, if they do find that she has it she will need the extensions removed before they can treat her and she will have to leave them out for 2 weeks in order to do the daily combing that's required. I've told her we will of course pay to have her have them removed and then replaced and whatever other expensive she might have related to this but she's all but said she won't remove the extensions. She's saying that based on the fact that she doesn't think she has any lice. It's possible she will totally comply with what she needs to do if she does in fact have lice but I'm concerned that she will refuse. Is it totally unreasonable of me to say we will have to let her go if she doesn't do it? She's been with us 2 years and the children really love her but if she has lice and won't treat it properly we will just keep getting it and that's not something I ever want to happen again.

It does not matter what the nanny thinks she may or may not have. You, as the employer, have requested for her to get check out and that is a requirement for her to continue to care for your children. What happens if she does have lice and it was gone untreated? Your children WILL get lice again, which will cause you to have them miss school and you possibly miss work because you may get it again as well. You are being more than generous, by paying for her to remove her weave and get it put back in. Although it is unlikely for African American and Black women to get lice, she has already stated that she's had it before. Therefore, there is a 50% chance, she may have it. As for her surgery, she needs not to return until after her recovery period or provide you with a doctors note. If something happens to her while caring for your children because she was not fully healed, that will be on the employer. I am a black woman working as a nanny and although, its unlikely, I would WANT to get checked our for my safety as well as my family. You are NOT asking for a lot. She either complies or you will be force to let her go and you should have the conversation with her, now.

[Anonymous]

I think the bigger issue is that she's insisting to come back to work (possibly on pain meds)...expects to still be paid though not fully performing...but still isn't flexible on your needs. she sounds questionable...but I hope you guys can work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the bigger issue is that she's insisting to come back to work (possibly on pain meds)...expects to still be paid though not fully performing...but still isn't flexible on your needs. she sounds questionable...but I hope you guys can work it out.

+1

She sounds demanding and I don't like the fact that she sent you a nasty text message.