Parents planning fall trip. Advice?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are entitled to say no. You do not need to make up reasons why, beyond the most clear and obvious. "I'm sorry but I am not able to take on that level of 24/7 care. I'll be happy to help support whomever you find to come in and care for the kids, and I can be the emergency contact while you're away, but I cannot do the overnights. And I have plans for dates of XXX so I am unable to work those days."

[Anonymous]

Man, I hate families that exploit their nannies, housekeepers, etc.
Of course you are entitled to say no. They can't expect/force you to work a whole week non-stop if you are unavailable or have plans.

They definitely seem like they don't respect your life and boundaries at all. I think you should stick to your No (unless there is a $ amount where it would be worth it, but due to your burnout, probably very high).

There is a very slight chance they may fire you (which would be a jerk move), but probably not, because you do so much for them and they really need you.

Good luck and stand firm.
-MB

[Anonymous]

How old is the kids? how many of them?

Your case is similar to mine. My MB & DB always go on vacation because they said only "vacation" can save their marriage and leave their only child with me. A 2 years old girl. They been to Cabos last March. Went to Europe first week of April for 17 days and now (yesterday) they told me they going to Russia at the end of June.

Even they pay me very good money I still get frustrated when stuck for 17 days with a two year old girl. They always wants me to be there when they need me. When I told them I had plans they always offer me more money or more sugar coat begging plead.

Good thing is when they came back from vacation I'll get 1 weeks day off! So tell your MB to give you good pay and also 1 week day off if you take the offer.

All the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is the kids? how many of them?

Your case is similar to mine. My MB & DB always go on vacation because they said only "vacation" can save their marriage and leave their only child with me. A 2 years old girl. They been to Cabos last March. Went to Europe first week of April for 17 days and now (yesterday) they told me they going to Russia at the end of June.

Even they pay me very good money I still get frustrated when stuck for 17 days with a two year old girl. They always wants me to be there when they need me. When I told them I had plans they always offer me more money or more sugar coat begging plead.

Good thing is when they came back from vacation I'll get 1 weeks day off! So tell your MB to give you good pay and also 1 week day off if you take the offer.

All the best!

there are 4 kids and they range between 3rd grade to seniors in HS, the two oldest who are high school age are SN children. The last time they went for a vacation I earned $2000, plus they are all homeschooled so that's more work for me.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the trolls on here. It is your 30th, a milestone birthday and you work very hard, You deserve and need the time off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to say no. You do not need to make up reasons why, beyond the most clear and obvious. "I'm sorry but I am not able to take on that level of 24/7 care. I'll be happy to help support whomever you find to come in and care for the kids, and I can be the emergency contact while you're away, but I cannot do the overnights. And I have plans for dates of XXX so I am unable to work those days."

This. Stop coming up with reasons that you think will sound more "reasonable." You aren't up to 24/7 care for any length of time. Period.

Say so, and if you can't do 16 hour days while they're gone, tell them that, too.

While you're at it, start looking for a new job. You have worked hard for this family, but you are clearly over it. Find something that you won't dread.

[Anonymous]

You owe no explanation. "No, I cannot watch them for a week." End of sentence. When you offer excuses, the parents think that you will change your mind if they offer what they hunk are reasonable fixes. Also, you can and should celebrate your birthday when and how you want, as long as it does not affect your regular work schedule. You don't owe this family all of your free time.

[Anonymous]

^what they think - not hunk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You owe no explanation. "No, I cannot watch them for a week." End of sentence. When you offer excuses, the parents think that you will change your mind if they offer what they hunk are reasonable fixes. Also, you can and should celebrate your birthday when and how you want, as long as it does not affect your regular work schedule. You don't owe this family all of your free time.

She doesn't owe them one second of her free time! OP, don't even say you will help out. Just take the time off and enjoy yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do realize that your arguemrnt of you can't drive in an emergency is going to backfire on you right? Ok you can't stay with the kids for the trip because of 'emergencies' then why should they keep you during the week if there's an emergency?

I've been with this family for over 3 years, they've kept me around this long, even when emergencies occurred, one of the children is special needs, it's hard enough to take care of that child alone, and then have to homeschool the others while MB & DB are away. It's tough. I've already make it clear to MB before, that I'm not willing to do overnights any more because they burn me out, the children seem to not cooperate when parents are not around, and it's difficult trying to balance everything and everyone with only one pair of hands. MB is a SAHM so she's usually there to help. It now she's planning a trip, I don't think I can handle. Call it what you want.

I think this bit bolded is key to this. I think you just become a broken record: 'I'm sorry MB I am unable to do overnights for your family', and 'I'm not available for overnights, would you like me to help you find a back up sitter'? Even if she asks you to think about it 'thinking about it doesn't change that Im not available for overnights'.


Also this family sounds like a handful and you don't sound like you love your job. Maybe its time to start looking for a new position?

[Anonymous]

So you got paid $2000 for a prior week long vacation? Pay sounds more than fine or am I missing something (such as rates for SN much higher). Hard work but quite a bit of extra $. You could take a really nice trip. The issue seems more that regardless of compensation you get burnt out doing overnights. Perfectly legitimate reason and the most persuasive to a MB. Birthday, can't drive, those two sound like excuses and the MB will try to suggest ways around it, like she already did re your birthday celebration.

Also maybe long term you need a different family. Less paying family but less kids and less work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you got paid $2000 for a prior week long vacation? Pay sounds more than fine or am I missing something (such as rates for SN much higher). Hard work but quite a bit of extra $. You could take a really nice trip. The issue seems more that regardless of compensation you get burnt out doing overnights. Perfectly legitimate reason and the most persuasive to a MB. Birthday, can't drive, those two sound like excuses and the MB will try to suggest ways around it, like she already did re your birthday celebration.

Also maybe long term you need a different family. Less paying family but less kids and less work.

Fewer kids! Learn to speak your mother tongue correctly!

[Anonymous]

Why not arrange for another sitter to come on the day you are celebrating your birthday? Do u absolutely have to do all six days? I left a child I was babysitting before with a friend to go somewhere overnight and of course parents knew it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not arrange for another sitter to come on the day you are celebrating your birthday? Do u absolutely have to do all six days? I left a child I was babysitting before with a friend to go somewhere overnight and of course parents knew it.

She does not want to do it at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are entitled to say no. You do not need to make up reasons why, beyond the most clear and obvious. "I'm sorry but I am not able to take on that level of 24/7 care. I'll be happy to help support whomever you find to come in and care for the kids, and I can be the emergency contact while you're away, but I cannot do the overnights. And I have plans for dates of XXX so I am unable to work those days."

This. Stop coming up with reasons that you think will sound more "reasonable." You aren't up to 24/7 care for any length of time. Period.

Say so, and if you can't do 16 hour days while they're gone, tell them that, too.

While you're at it, start looking for a new job. You have worked hard for this family, but you are clearly over it. Find something that you won't dread.

MB here. I agree with this. You know your limits and you are allowed to be professional. They don't own you.

If my nanny wants to go away at a time, that's in her contract. I honor it and I find alternate care at that time. As a reasonable employer I have a network of people who can help.

But more importantly, you don't ask people to do what they don't want to do. If you aren't able to do overnights, don't do them. My current nanny has a school age child and she's told us she isn't interested in overnights or travel with us. That's fine, and I wouldn't ask her to do something she doesn't want to do. Your family owes you that same level of respect.

I'd encourage you to start looking for a new job. You are burnt out on this family.