Infant Twins: WWYD -- Nanny or Au Pair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:nanny is not $18... an experienced nanny start at $22, for twins

In way out Farifax? No. You might pay more for more experience or other qualifications but OP can definitely find someone good-enough for $18 at the bottom end of the range.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any direct experience, but our au pair's best friend is in a similar situation - when she started she was watching 4 month old babies and there was also a 4 year old that she was rarely responsible for. When I first met her, I was quite concerned for her (I didn't realize at the time that she wasn't really responsible fo rthe 4 year old), but she's actually super-happy and from everything I've seen she takes great care of the babies.

[Anonymous]

I would not leave infant twins with someone so young (and thus inexperienced) as an au pair.

I don't know much about the au pair extraordinaire program, but might consider that route if it required real full-time child care experience.

[Anonymous]

Twin mom here.

If you can afford it, find a way to hire a nanny with twin experience. If you can accept a live-in you might find someone fantastic. Our former nanny would have LOVED a job like this and would have been thrilled to live in.

I think you could get someone like that for $14-16/hr as a live-in and it would make your life inifinitely easier. You could also hire someone who could handle the 2 year old (at a higher hourly rate) and discontinue the daycare for a year or two. If you had the daycare costs, plus the cost of an au pair, and the value of live-in accommodations then you're getting into a compensation range that will garner pretty qualified applicants probably.

That's what I'd try to do in your shoes. A good nanny will do the kids laundry, make meals for them, keep their play areas clean, know how to set and maintain a schedule, etc... It will pay off for you in lots of ways you might not foresee right now.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

While an Au Pair would definitely be cost-effective for your family, some things would have to be sacrificed.

The privacy of your home would definitely be more compromised and you don't sound too gung-ho on having a stranger live with you.
Also the level of care provided may lack due to lack of experience.

I think in your situation, a live-out Nanny would be more ideal.

[Anonymous]

Another twin mom here. Start with a live-out nanny with twin experience. You're an experienced mom, but twins do add lots of complexity. You'll have three kids, you don't need a 4th person to be responsible for. Especially with traveling spouse.

Maybe skip daycare for a year and pay one nanny (a lot) for all 3? Your 2 yo might enjoy bonding with the twins early. Something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting twins and have one other DC who will be 2 when the twins arrive. DC is currently attending daycare that can continue through preschool and our plan is to keep DC there and then have other childcare for the twins, either a nanny or an Au Pair. For the last few weeks I've been completely on board mentally with getting an Au Pair, however, the more threads I read here on DCUM and elsewhere have me concerned and seeking advice on this. The concerns I've read surround the maturity and experience level of 18-25 yr old Au Pairs and their ability to handle twins. The upside of an Au Pair to me is the cost savings compared to a nanny. Also, DH travels extensively for work (half the week, every week) and I figured having another adult in the house at all times would be helpful, especially in emergency situations, etc. (granted I'm aware they cannot work more than 45 hours). We have a basement for the Au Pair to live in, but I'm also not entirely sold on having a "roommate" again.

My questions are: Do you think twins add another layer of complexity that I need to consider when weighing my options? Do you think it's best to find an experienced nanny for the twins for at least the first few years, or should I give an Au Pair a try? If we did go with a nanny, what might I expect to pay for twins in (FFX suburbs)?

I am slightly concerned about money and was optimistic about the cost savings of having an Au Pair (our HHI is $220K, FWIW...and just to give a complete picture of childcare costs, our DC's daycare is $1800/month). Bottom line: we are not in a position where "money is no object", because in that case I'd certainly go the nanny route and possibly a mother's helper for the evenings...but I think we do need to be money-conscious given our HHI and need to really weigh the pros/cons here. Would love any genuine advice or similar experiences you can share! Thanks!

o



Stay home,I think is better for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting twins and have one other DC who will be 2 when the twins arrive. DC is currently attending daycare that can continue through preschool and our plan is to keep DC there and then have other childcare for the twins, either a nanny or an Au Pair. For the last few weeks I've been completely on board mentally with getting an Au Pair, however, the more threads I read here on DCUM and elsewhere have me concerned and seeking advice on this. The concerns I've read surround the maturity and experience level of 18-25 yr old Au Pairs and their ability to handle twins. The upside of an Au Pair to me is the cost savings compared to a nanny. Also, DH travels extensively for work (half the week, every week) and I figured having another adult in the house at all times would be helpful, especially in emergency situations, etc. (granted I'm aware they cannot work more than 45 hours). We have a basement for the Au Pair to live in, but I'm also not entirely sold on having a "roommate" again.

My questions are: Do you think twins add another layer of complexity that I need to consider when weighing my options? Do you think it's best to find an experienced nanny for the twins for at least the first few years, or should I give an Au Pair a try? If we did go with a nanny, what might I expect to pay for twins in (FFX suburbs)?

I am slightly concerned about money and was optimistic about the cost savings of having an Au Pair (our HHI is $220K, FWIW...and just to give a complete picture of childcare costs, our DC's daycare is $1800/month). Bottom line: we are not in a position where "money is no object", because in that case I'd certainly go the nanny route and possibly a mother's helper for the evenings...but I think we do need to be money-conscious given our HHI and need to really weigh the pros/cons here. Would love any genuine advice or similar experiences you can share! Thanks!

o



Stay home,I think is better for you.

OP here. Okay sounds good...and throw away my 6 figure salary and excellent benefits (and therefore my children's college funds, my retirement, etc). For some women this isn't an option, which is why it wasn't listed as one.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the stay home troll OP.

[Anonymous]

I have infant twins and have an au pair (the second one, after the first one turned out to be a pathological liar, and was deported for visa violations). My children would literally be dead if I had left them alone all day with either of these au pairs. The second au pair was having a meltdown after we left her alone with both babies for 2 hours recently, because they both started crying at the same time. She said she almost had to call us for help. If she can't handle 2 hours alone with them, do you think she can handle 45?? These girls don't really have any experience, and they are all stretching the truth about that. They think they're coming here for a paid vacation, or to find a husband, etc.

The only reason this is working at all (and it isn't, really, but the agency has my money, so I'm sticking it out until the year is over) is because Grandma is home all day to supervise. Again, that is the ONLY reason these dumb girls haven't killed my kids. Get a real nanny if you can afford it. An extraordinaire might also work, but I don't know because my current agency doesn't offer that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting twins and have one other DC who will be 2 when the twins arrive. DC is currently attending daycare that can continue through preschool and our plan is to keep DC there and then have other childcare for the twins, either a nanny or an Au Pair. For the last few weeks I've been completely on board mentally with getting an Au Pair, however, the more threads I read here on DCUM and elsewhere have me concerned and seeking advice on this. The concerns I've read surround the maturity and experience level of 18-25 yr old Au Pairs and their ability to handle twins. The upside of an Au Pair to me is the cost savings compared to a nanny. Also, DH travels extensively for work (half the week, every week) and I figured having another adult in the house at all times would be helpful, especially in emergency situations, etc. (granted I'm aware they cannot work more than 45 hours). We have a basement for the Au Pair to live in, but I'm also not entirely sold on having a "roommate" again.

My questions are: Do you think twins add another layer of complexity that I need to consider when weighing my options? Do you think it's best to find an experienced nanny for the twins for at least the first few years, or should I give an Au Pair a try? If we did go with a nanny, what might I expect to pay for twins in (FFX suburbs)?

I am slightly concerned about money and was optimistic about the cost savings of having an Au Pair (our HHI is $220K, FWIW...and just to give a complete picture of childcare costs, our DC's daycare is $1800/month). Bottom line: we are not in a position where "money is no object", because in that case I'd certainly go the nanny route and possibly a mother's helper for the evenings...but I think we do need to be money-conscious given our HHI and need to really weigh the pros/cons here. Would love any genuine advice or similar experiences you can share! Thanks!

Live-in nanny, and budget the extra hours of on call into her weekly salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another twin mom here. Start with a live-out nanny with twin experience. You're an experienced mom, but twins do add lots of complexity. You'll have three kids, you don't need a 4th person to be responsible for. Especially with traveling spouse.

Maybe skip daycare for a year and pay one nanny (a lot) for all 3? Your 2 yo might enjoy bonding with the twins early. Something to consider.

+1. NP and another twin mom. Our oldest was 20 months when we had twins. We hired an experienced live-out nanny who had previously worked with other families with multiples. She also helped with meals, the kids' laundry, etc. One of the twins was in the NICU for a month after birth and it was a stressful time. I would not have been comfortable hiring an inexperienced au pair who was possibly new to the country to try and navigate that situation. We paid $20/hour in the Fairfax suburbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another twin mom here. Start with a live-out nanny with twin experience. You're an experienced mom, but twins do add lots of complexity. You'll have three kids, you don't need a 4th person to be responsible for. Especially with traveling spouse.

Maybe skip daycare for a year and pay one nanny (a lot) for all 3? Your 2 yo might enjoy bonding with the twins early. Something to consider.

+1. NP and another twin mom. Our oldest was 20 months when we had twins. We hired an experienced live-out nanny who had previously worked with other families with multiples. She also helped with meals, the kids' laundry, etc. One of the twins was in the NICU for a month after birth and it was a stressful time. I would not have been comfortable hiring an inexperienced au pair who was possibly new to the country to try and navigate that situation. We paid $20/hour in the Fairfax suburbs.

+2. NP here, not a twin mom, but I had an au pair with a traveling husband, full time job, and 4 small children. It was a disaster, and it was not my au pair's fault at all. I was in way over my head, and I needed a lot more help than what she was able to provide, and it caused a lot of strain on our relationship. Imagine that she has worked 9 hours while you were at work, and now she is sitting in her room down the hall texting while you have twins in bouncy seats and are bathing your toddler. It's hard not to feel annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+2. NP here, not a twin mom, but I had an au pair with a traveling husband, full time job, and 4 small children. It was a disaster, and it was not my au pair's fault at all. I was in way over my head, and I needed a lot more help than what she was able to provide, and it caused a lot of strain on our relationship. Imagine that she has worked 9 hours while you were at work, and now she is sitting in her room down the hall texting while you have twins in bouncy seats and are bathing your toddler. It's hard not to feel annoyed.

just curious- what solution did you come up with. I'm a working mom of 4 also, and I understand what you mean that you get annoyed when AP is hanging out after her 9 hours while you just worked a full day and now have to come home to make dinner, baths, etc. Although of course AP has worked her full day so she should be off.
Did you get a live-in nanny? and if so, do they work in the evening too?
or did you get a live-out nanny? and at least you don't have to share your house in the evening with someone who is not helping out.
just trying to figure out what the best solution is for our family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+2. NP here, not a twin mom, but I had an au pair with a traveling husband, full time job, and 4 small children. It was a disaster, and it was not my au pair's fault at all. I was in way over my head, and I needed a lot more help than what she was able to provide, and it caused a lot of strain on our relationship. Imagine that she has worked 9 hours while you were at work, and now she is sitting in her room down the hall texting while you have twins in bouncy seats and are bathing your toddler. It's hard not to feel annoyed.

just curious- what solution did you come up with. I'm a working mom of 4 also, and I understand what you mean that you get annoyed when AP is hanging out after her 9 hours while you just worked a full day and now have to come home to make dinner, baths, etc. Although of course AP has worked her full day so she should be off.
Did you get a live-in nanny? and if so, do they work in the evening too?
or did you get a live-out nanny? and at least you don't have to share your house in the evening with someone who is not helping out.
just trying to figure out what the best solution is for our family

I got a live out nanny and signed the kids up for a bunch of activities that they can all do together (music lessons, gymnastics/karate at the same time and place, boy scouts, etc) for a couple of hours a few evenings a week. So, even though evenings are often still a little crazy, at least I don't have another adult here who is witness to all of it (but not actually participating).