What is your policy on having friends over when no one else is home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.

In my handbook I specify that I need to meet any friends that will come over/stay at my home. They can't visit during working hours, but after I've met them, they can come during off-hours.

I went away this past weekend with my kids. I told the AP that I would like no visitors while I'm gone. The reason I said this is because I have not met ANY of her friends. None. They are all strangers to me. She said OK and that she would never have anyone over without my permission.

She had someone over while I was away, despite this. Did not tell me or ask me.

No policy. Never thought of it. As long as nothing illegal is going on and i return to a clean home, what do I care?

Why should you care?

I am not OK with a stranger in my home that I do not know. I hardly know my au pair as she's never around to get to know. Then I am supposed to be OK with one of her friends around?

How do you know nothing illegal is happening?

I've been doing this 8 years and to my knowledge nothing illegal has gone on and I've never once had a problem. I do indeed hire carefully . If i cant trust an AP to not bring criminals and meth heads in my house when I'm gone, then why in the hell would i trust her with the most important things in my life, my children? Thats some ass backwards logic not adult enough to have guests , but someohoe adult enough to be in carge of your kids for hours on end.. I don't hire people so immature and irresponsible that they cant make sound decisions regarding house guests.

I've been doing this ten years, and until this year, I was 100% in your camp. Now, though, I'm leaning somewhere different, as outlined in my PP, which was the first response to this thread. For the first time in our ten, yes ten, years of hosting, we have an AP whom we hardly know. We have not met a single one of his friends, and we know nothing even about his friends (are they APs? Are they male or female? Are they good people? I have no idea). I cannot say at all that I don't trust his friends, just that I don't KNOW that I trust them, so for the first time in ten years, we are considering being a little less free about guests than we have been. My children are older, and I completely trust this AP to drive them around, prepare their meals, oversee HW more or less effectively, and do their laundry, which is our job. But do I trust him to absolutely not to ever have over someone who might snoop through a drawer or two when they were here overnight when we were away and help themselves to the petty cash? I have no idea. Do I absolutely know that he would be careful enough to ensure that the only people he had over were the kind of people who would never walk away with an ipad? Again, I have no idea.

So I don't think it's as easy as "I trust them to take care of my children and therefore I trust them to have anyone they want over, no matter what." I think we make decisions based on the person we have in front of us. I also screen and hire carefully, and for nine years I felt great about having absolutely no rules (I am the host mom, by the way, who has been vilified on here for allowing my male APs to have their girlfriends sleep over -- when I say I have few rules, I really mean it). This year, though, I really am not so sure. That doesn't make me someone who has "ass backwards logic." It makes me a smart and thoughtful person who makes decisions based on the realities in front of me, rather than pronouncements based on some theory of how things should work.

[Anonymous]

This actually is the only time I am ok with my AP having an opposite sex friend spend the night.

[Anonymous]

I trust my AP and she brings people around whenever she wants including during working hours. I LOVE when other APs show up when she's working TBH. And she also had a male friend stay with us for a week and he was great with the kids.

If I had an AP I wasn't 100% confident in I might make different choices, too.

[Anonymous]

We tell ours to ask permission before having friends over. As time goes on, I find that it's more a "heads up" with the friends we have met before. Overnight guests they have always asked, we always say yes (it's their room/space, never had an issue). I think it's okay as long as you know about it.

When we go away for the weekend, we always say "it's okay to have a few friends over, but absolutely no parties". to our knowledge this hasn't been an issue!

[Anonymous]

Ive had awesome APs. Never had to make a policy. They have all be mature adults. I aldo have only had Germans who can be such rule followers, it can be annoying.