Age differences in nanny shares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Like I said, I know a number of parents of twins who've told me, no one chooses two same-ages babies, but you hopefully(!) learn to do what you have to do. It's a hard road to juggle two babies at the same time.

I already explained why a parent caring for two siblings is a different equation from paid childcare. Besides, I'm sure if you ask parents of children who are two or three years apart, they would tell you they need help, too. All childcare is challenging but caring for same-age babies aims for an achievable goal of synchronizing their routines. Children of differing ages can never have that, and therefore caring for them will become a balancing act where one child will inevitably have to compromise for another. A good nanny can put two babies on the same routine but no nanny in the world can make a three-year old nap the way an infant naps.

THIS! I can have a two- or three-year-old lie down for quiet time once when an infant naps, but expecting the two- or three-year-old to lie down two to four times per day (depending on the age of the infant) is ridiculous. Nor should an infant be drug out everyday to one or two activities, but toddlers and preschoolers can and possibly should (depends on the child).

If you think a sensible parent would ever make an older child nap three times a day just because the baby does, you are truly ridiculous, and grossly lacking in real life experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Like I said, I know a number of parents of twins who've told me, no one chooses two same-ages babies, but you hopefully(!) learn to do what you have to do. It's a hard road to juggle two babies at the same time.

I already explained why a parent caring for two siblings is a different equation from paid childcare. Besides, I'm sure if you ask parents of children who are two or three years apart, they would tell you they need help, too. All childcare is challenging but caring for same-age babies aims for an achievable goal of synchronizing their routines. Children of differing ages can never have that, and therefore caring for them will become a balancing act where one child will inevitably have to compromise for another. A good nanny can put two babies on the same routine but no nanny in the world can make a three-year old nap the way an infant naps.

THIS! I can have a two- or three-year-old lie down for quiet time once when an infant naps, but expecting the two- or three-year-old to lie down two to four times per day (depending on the age of the infant) is ridiculous. Nor should an infant be drug out everyday to one or two activities, but toddlers and preschoolers can and possibly should (depends on the child).

If you think a sensible parent would ever make an older child nap three times a day just because the baby does, you are truly ridiculous, and grossly lacking in real life experience.

The nanny is not a parent, and children in a share are not siblings. That makes all the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Like I said, I know a number of parents of twins who've told me, no one chooses two same-ages babies, but you hopefully(!) learn to do what you have to do. It's a hard road to juggle two babies at the same time.

I already explained why a parent caring for two siblings is a different equation from paid childcare. Besides, I'm sure if you ask parents of children who are two or three years apart, they would tell you they need help, too. All childcare is challenging but caring for same-age babies aims for an achievable goal of synchronizing their routines. Children of differing ages can never have that, and therefore caring for them will become a balancing act where one child will inevitably have to compromise for another. A good nanny can put two babies on the same routine but no nanny in the world can make a three-year old nap the way an infant naps.

THIS! I can have a two- or three-year-old lie down for quiet time once when an infant naps, but expecting the two- or three-year-old to lie down two to four times per day (depending on the age of the infant) is ridiculous. Nor should an infant be drug out everyday to one or two activities, but toddlers and preschoolers can and possibly should (depends on the child).

If you think a sensible parent would ever make an older child nap three times a day just because the baby does, you are truly ridiculous, and grossly lacking in real life experience.

The nanny is not a parent, and children in a share are not siblings. That makes all the difference.

This is the difference between siblings and share kids, nannies and parents.

Ok, example, based on OP's thought of 6 month infant, 2 older kids (1.5 and 3, siblings):

Infant naps twice, morning (1-2 hours) and afternoon (2-3 hours).
Toddler naps once (2-2.5 hours, afternoon), storytime, baby gym and music together in the mornings (1 day each)
Preschooler attends pre-k in the morning, crafts and reading during toddler's nap

The older 2 children are used to working around each other, and the parent (of both) has the right to prioritize one's needs temporarily over the others, so the preschooler who might go to activities in the afternoon if (s)he didn't have a younger sibling instead stays home for the toddler's nap, but the toddler doesn't do the craft, and is read to at a different time. Both of the older children can be fed at the same time, neither has to wait for the other.

Now add an infant from another family. Trips anywhere have to be short, so that the infant can be back to nap and sleep. The infant needs time to try to crawl, sit and scoot. The infant spends more time in a swing or stroller than held, and there is less talking directly to the infant. And most important, most parents of only one child don't want their infant out at activities where the child can pick up germs. The two older children have to wait for food while the baby cries. They have to be as quiet as they can while the infant sleeps. Because they know that the infant is not their sibling, they may resent the infant, and they may act out (as many toddlers and preschoolers do when they have new siblings, but siblings don't go home at night, so they adjust faster...).

I've nannied for twins. I've nannied for large families. I've done a short-term share. Twins and a share with the ages close are easier than children of different ages, once you know how to do it. There's no need to bottle prop, there's no need to wake a sleeping baby, and everybody is happier because the babies are on the same schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

Yes and no. The butcher could tell you that xyz cut is the best that week, and you can choose to get that or something else. The nanny can tell you whether she prefers the same age or a difference in ages when doing a share, so you select for what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

If the butcher is your dinner guest, most of us would tend to avoid serving what you know he doesn't like.

Find yourself a nanny who wants exactly what you want (no matter what!), and you're good to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

Yes and no. The butcher could tell you that xyz cut is the best that week, and you can choose to get that or something else. The nanny can tell you whether she prefers the same age or a difference in ages when doing a share, so you select for what you want.

Presumably, people look for nannies when their children are already in place. There is no need to inquire into the nanny's preferences because the children's ages are what they are. It's not like if the nanny tells you she "prefers" age difference X, the parents say, oh ok, we can work with that, there's a spare group of children in the back closet, we're gonna go and fish out a couple that fit your age preferences. Parents recruit nannies for children of certain ages. The nanny can take it or leave it. There is no need to discuss preferences since it's not possible to change anything to accommodate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

If the butcher is your dinner guest, most of us would tend to avoid serving what you know he doesn't like.

Find yourself a nanny who wants exactly what you want (no matter what!), and you're good to go.

The nanny is not a guest. She's hired to eat whatever's on the table - to work with children whose ages are what they are. If she doesn't like that, she presumably wouldn't even ask to come for dinner (or reply to the nanny wanted ad).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

Yes and no. The butcher could tell you that xyz cut is the best that week, and you can choose to get that or something else. The nanny can tell you whether she prefers the same age or a difference in ages when doing a share, so you select for what you want.

Presumably, people look for nannies when their children are already in place. There is no need to inquire into the nanny's preferences because the children's ages are what they are. It's not like if the nanny tells you she "prefers" age difference X, the parents say, oh ok, we can work with that, there's a spare group of children in the back closet, we're gonna go and fish out a couple that fit your age preferences. Parents recruit nannies for children of certain ages. The nanny can take it or leave it. There is no need to discuss preferences since it's not possible to change anything to accommodate them.

We are talking about a SHARE not a nanny for one family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

Yes and no. The butcher could tell you that xyz cut is the best that week, and you can choose to get that or something else. The nanny can tell you whether she prefers the same age or a difference in ages when doing a share, so you select for what you want.

Presumably, people look for nannies when their children are already in place. There is no need to inquire into the nanny's preferences because the children's ages are what they are. It's not like if the nanny tells you she "prefers" age difference X, the parents say, oh ok, we can work with that, there's a spare group of children in the back closet, we're gonna go and fish out a couple that fit your age preferences. Parents recruit nannies for children of certain ages. The nanny can take it or leave it. There is no need to discuss preferences since it's not possible to change anything to accommodate them.

You keep presuming wrong around here. I've worked with lots of parents who weren't obsessive control freaks like you. They understand that a happy nanny tends to makes a happy child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

Yes and no. The butcher could tell you that xyz cut is the best that week, and you can choose to get that or something else. The nanny can tell you whether she prefers the same age or a difference in ages when doing a share, so you select for what you want.

Presumably, people look for nannies when their children are already in place. There is no need to inquire into the nanny's preferences because the children's ages are what they are. It's not like if the nanny tells you she "prefers" age difference X, the parents say, oh ok, we can work with that, there's a spare group of children in the back closet, we're gonna go and fish out a couple that fit your age preferences. Parents recruit nannies for children of certain ages. The nanny can take it or leave it. There is no need to discuss preferences since it's not possible to change anything to accommodate them.

You keep presuming wrong around here. I've worked with lots of parents who weren't obsessive control freaks like you. They understand that a happy nanny tends to makes a happy child.

Really? You think parents look for nannies without specific children in mind? You're the freaky one.

There's tons of nannies out there, easy to find one that will be happy with children close in age. People recruit nannies for their specific situations, they don't go and find a different-age share child because that's what the nanny wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

Yes and no. The butcher could tell you that xyz cut is the best that week, and you can choose to get that or something else. The nanny can tell you whether she prefers the same age or a difference in ages when doing a share, so you select for what you want.

Presumably, people look for nannies when their children are already in place. There is no need to inquire into the nanny's preferences because the children's ages are what they are. It's not like if the nanny tells you she "prefers" age difference X, the parents say, oh ok, we can work with that, there's a spare group of children in the back closet, we're gonna go and fish out a couple that fit your age preferences. Parents recruit nannies for children of certain ages. The nanny can take it or leave it. There is no need to discuss preferences since it's not possible to change anything to accommodate them.

You keep presuming wrong around here. I've worked with lots of parents who weren't obsessive control freaks like you. They understand that a happy nanny tends to makes a happy child.

Really? You think parents look for nannies without specific children in mind? You're the freaky one.

There's tons of nannies out there, easy to find one that will be happy with children close in age. People recruit nannies for their specific situations, they don't go and find a different-age share child because that's what the nanny wants.

You're so funny! My employer asked me what I thought would be best. And proceeded accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

Yes and no. The butcher could tell you that xyz cut is the best that week, and you can choose to get that or something else. The nanny can tell you whether she prefers the same age or a difference in ages when doing a share, so you select for what you want.

Presumably, people look for nannies when their children are already in place. There is no need to inquire into the nanny's preferences because the children's ages are what they are. It's not like if the nanny tells you she "prefers" age difference X, the parents say, oh ok, we can work with that, there's a spare group of children in the back closet, we're gonna go and fish out a couple that fit your age preferences. Parents recruit nannies for children of certain ages. The nanny can take it or leave it. There is no need to discuss preferences since it's not possible to change anything to accommodate them.

You keep presuming wrong around here. I've worked with lots of parents who weren't obsessive control freaks like you. They understand that a happy nanny tends to makes a happy child.

Really? You think parents look for nannies without specific children in mind? You're the freaky one.

There's tons of nannies out there, easy to find one that will be happy with children close in age. People recruit nannies for their specific situations, they don't go and find a different-age share child because that's what the nanny wants.

You're so funny! My employer asked me what I thought would be best. And proceeded accordingly.

You mean your half-employer? What, they went out and lined up another child to suit your fancy?

When we needed a shared nanny, we got together with another boss family first, and hired a nanny second. We figured out what WE wanted first, and proceeded accordingly. We were in it to find the nanny to work with our children. Not find a child to suit the nanny. That would be odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

Ask the nanny what she prefers. People are different.

That's nonsense. That's like going to a butcher and asking him what he prefers to sell you instead of telling him what you need. People find nannies to fit their needs, not the other way round.

Yes and no. The butcher could tell you that xyz cut is the best that week, and you can choose to get that or something else. The nanny can tell you whether she prefers the same age or a difference in ages when doing a share, so you select for what you want.

Presumably, people look for nannies when their children are already in place. There is no need to inquire into the nanny's preferences because the children's ages are what they are. It's not like if the nanny tells you she "prefers" age difference X, the parents say, oh ok, we can work with that, there's a spare group of children in the back closet, we're gonna go and fish out a couple that fit your age preferences. Parents recruit nannies for children of certain ages. The nanny can take it or leave it. There is no need to discuss preferences since it's not possible to change anything to accommodate them.

You keep presuming wrong around here. I've worked with lots of parents who weren't obsessive control freaks like you. They understand that a happy nanny tends to makes a happy child.

Really? You think parents look for nannies without specific children in mind? You're the freaky one.

There's tons of nannies out there, easy to find one that will be happy with children close in age. People recruit nannies for their specific situations, they don't go and find a different-age share child because that's what the nanny wants.

You're so funny! My employer asked me what I thought would be best. And proceeded accordingly.

You mean your half-employer? What, they went out and lined up another child to suit your fancy?

When we needed a shared nanny, we got together with another boss family first, and hired a nanny second. We figured out what WE wanted first, and proceeded accordingly. We were in it to find the nanny to work with our children. Not find a child to suit the nanny. That would be odd.

No. I found the other family, to suit everyone's fancy. Imagine that.