Age differences in nanny shares?

[Anonymous]

What are the pros and cons of same vs different ages in nanny shares? What size age difference do you suggest?

Our daughter will be 6 months when she starts, and we're tempted to look for a share with 1 (or maybe 2) kids who are a bit older, so the nanny doesn’t have to split time between multiple little babies who want to be held a lot, etc. Does that make sense or is there stuff we're not thinking of?

[Anonymous]

It's best to focus on finding a compatible family, after you find the best possible nanny.

[Anonymous]

The closer in age the kids are, the better. Another family is not going to want to have your (younger) child's nap schedule and bottle routine determine when their child (ren) can go anywhere. Nor should your child need to be constantly in the stroller while their child(ren) are in activities (which require the nanny to participate). If a family has multiple children, that's the way it works. But why would you knowingly choose to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The closer in age the kids are, the better. Another family is not going to want to have your (younger) child's nap schedule and bottle routine determine when their child (ren) can go anywhere. Nor should your child need to be constantly in the stroller while their child(ren) are in activities (which require the nanny to participate). If a family has multiple children, that's the way it works. But why would you knowingly choose to do that?

When was the last time you heard a mother of twins say, "This is so much easier!"? Those that I know are *always* desperate for a helper.

Mixed ages work better for me.

[Anonymous]

My MIL had two boys one year apart. Then 7 years after the oldest boy was born, she had twin girls. She said it was easier with the twins when they were little vs. the two boys one year apart, because the twins were on the same nap schedule, same potty training schedule, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL had two boys one year apart. Then 7 years after the oldest boy was born, she had twin girls. She said it was easier with the twins when they were little vs. the two boys one year apart, because the twins were on the same nap schedule, same potty training schedule, etc.

21.22 here. I've worked with twins and with several singletons in one family. When kids are on different nap schedules, it's much more difficult. Additionally, it's easier to find activities that work for twins than for 2-4 kids who are all at least a year apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the pros and cons of same vs different ages in nanny shares? What size age difference do you suggest?

Our daughter will be 6 months when she starts, and we're tempted to look for a share with 1 (or maybe 2) kids who are a bit older, so the nanny doesn’t have to split time between multiple little babies who want to be held a lot, etc. Does that make sense or is there stuff we're not thinking of?

The closer in age, the better. A good nanny will be able to handle the needs of two infants because they are similar.

Kids of different ages will have different schedules, different toys, different activities, different needs. Someone's needs will have to yield. That's not optimal. It's vastly easier when kids eat, sleep and play at the same time.

I also think that a nanny share with more than two kids defies the purpose. You are essentially in daycare mode at this point, without advantages of daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL had two boys one year apart. Then 7 years after the oldest boy was born, she had twin girls. She said it was easier with the twins when they were little vs. the two boys one year apart, because the twins were on the same nap schedule, same potty training schedule, etc.

21.22 here. I've worked with twins and with several singletons in one family. When kids are on different nap schedules, it's much more difficult. Additionally, it's easier to find activities that work for twins than for 2-4 kids who are all at least a year apart.

Not for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL had two boys one year apart. Then 7 years after the oldest boy was born, she had twin girls. She said it was easier with the twins when they were little vs. the two boys one year apart, because the twins were on the same nap schedule, same potty training schedule, etc.

21.22 here. I've worked with twins and with several singletons in one family. When kids are on different nap schedules, it's much more difficult. Additionally, it's easier to find activities that work for twins than for 2-4 kids who are all at least a year apart.

Not for me.

So who do you prioritize, the infant who needs a morning and afternoon nap, or the toddler who is supposed to be in an activity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL had two boys one year apart. Then 7 years after the oldest boy was born, she had twin girls. She said it was easier with the twins when they were little vs. the two boys one year apart, because the twins were on the same nap schedule, same potty training schedule, etc.

21.22 here. I've worked with twins and with several singletons in one family. When kids are on different nap schedules, it's much more difficult. Additionally, it's easier to find activities that work for twins than for 2-4 kids who are all at least a year apart.

Not for me.

So who do you prioritize, the infant who needs a morning and afternoon nap, or the toddler who is supposed to be in an activity?

The same way that any intelligent responsible parent does. Neither child needs to suffer neglect. I take it you don't have your own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL had two boys one year apart. Then 7 years after the oldest boy was born, she had twin girls. She said it was easier with the twins when they were little vs. the two boys one year apart, because the twins were on the same nap schedule, same potty training schedule, etc.

21.22 here. I've worked with twins and with several singletons in one family. When kids are on different nap schedules, it's much more difficult. Additionally, it's easier to find activities that work for twins than for 2-4 kids who are all at least a year apart.

Not for me.

So who do you prioritize, the infant who needs a morning and afternoon nap, or the toddler who is supposed to be in an activity?

The same way that any intelligent responsible parent does. Neither child needs to suffer neglect. I take it you don't have your own children.

Just because a child isn't neglected doesn't mean that child is getting the best of care. "Isn't neglected" is not a good standard of nanny care.

Additionally, the setup of nanny care is different from two siblings in a family and the same rules do not apply because children do not share the same bond. The cost-benefit equation is different. Will I cart my infant along to the older child's swim lesson? Sure. She can nap in her carseat by the poolside. It's her brother, she can roll along for him. Will I tell the older child to be quiet in his playroom because his sister is sleeping? Sure. It's his sister. He can roll along for her.

But do I want my infant carted along with some other random child who isn't a sibling? Do I want my older child shushed and limited because some other random infant who isn't his sibling is napping? Nope. Not happening, and not paying for this, either. Not when so many same-age options without these headaches are available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL had two boys one year apart. Then 7 years after the oldest boy was born, she had twin girls. She said it was easier with the twins when they were little vs. the two boys one year apart, because the twins were on the same nap schedule, same potty training schedule, etc.

21.22 here. I've worked with twins and with several singletons in one family. When kids are on different nap schedules, it's much more difficult. Additionally, it's easier to find activities that work for twins than for 2-4 kids who are all at least a year apart.

Not for me.

So who do you prioritize, the infant who needs a morning and afternoon nap, or the toddler who is supposed to be in an activity?

The same way that any intelligent responsible parent does. Neither child needs to suffer neglect. I take it you don't have your own children.

Just because a child isn't neglected doesn't mean that child is getting the best of care. "Isn't neglected" is not a good standard of nanny care.

Additionally, the setup of nanny care is different from two siblings in a family and the same rules do not apply because children do not share the same bond. The cost-benefit equation is different. Will I cart my infant along to the older child's swim lesson? Sure. She can nap in her carseat by the poolside. It's her brother, she can roll along for him. Will I tell the older child to be quiet in his playroom because his sister is sleeping? Sure. It's his sister. He can roll along for her.

But do I want my infant carted along with some other random child who isn't a sibling? Do I want my older child shushed and limited because some other random infant who isn't his sibling is napping? Nope. Not happening, and not paying for this, either. Not when so many same-age options without these headaches are available.

Like I said, I know a number of parents of twins who've told me, no one chooses two same-ages babies, but you hopefully(!) learn to do what you have to do. It's a hard road to juggle two babies at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Like I said, I know a number of parents of twins who've told me, no one chooses two same-ages babies, but you hopefully(!) learn to do what you have to do. It's a hard road to juggle two babies at the same time.

I already explained why a parent caring for two siblings is a different equation from paid childcare. Besides, I'm sure if you ask parents of children who are two or three years apart, they would tell you they need help, too. All childcare is challenging but caring for same-age babies aims for an achievable goal of synchronizing their routines. Children of differing ages can never have that, and therefore caring for them will become a balancing act where one child will inevitably have to compromise for another. A good nanny can put two babies on the same routine but no nanny in the world can make a three-year old nap the way an infant naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL had two boys one year apart. Then 7 years after the oldest boy was born, she had twin girls. She said it was easier with the twins when they were little vs. the two boys one year apart, because the twins were on the same nap schedule, same potty training schedule, etc.

21.22 here. I've worked with twins and with several singletons in one family. When kids are on different nap schedules, it's much more difficult. Additionally, it's easier to find activities that work for twins than for 2-4 kids who are all at least a year apart.

Not for me.

So who do you prioritize, the infant who needs a morning and afternoon nap, or the toddler who is supposed to be in an activity?

The same way that any intelligent responsible parent does. Neither child needs to suffer neglect. I take it you don't have your own children.

I think you're missing the point. In a share situation, the nanny is dealing with two sets of parents who both want the nanny to prioritize their child's needs. It's easy to balance the children's needs when they are the same age and schedule match. It's much different when kids are on different schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Like I said, I know a number of parents of twins who've told me, no one chooses two same-ages babies, but you hopefully(!) learn to do what you have to do. It's a hard road to juggle two babies at the same time.

I already explained why a parent caring for two siblings is a different equation from paid childcare. Besides, I'm sure if you ask parents of children who are two or three years apart, they would tell you they need help, too. All childcare is challenging but caring for same-age babies aims for an achievable goal of synchronizing their routines. Children of differing ages can never have that, and therefore caring for them will become a balancing act where one child will inevitably have to compromise for another. A good nanny can put two babies on the same routine but no nanny in the world can make a three-year old nap the way an infant naps.

THIS! I can have a two- or three-year-old lie down for quiet time once when an infant naps, but expecting the two- or three-year-old to lie down two to four times per day (depending on the age of the infant) is ridiculous. Nor should an infant be drug out everyday to one or two activities, but toddlers and preschoolers can and possibly should (depends on the child).