L-T nanny share and nanny pushed us out of share

[Anonymous]

Your nanny didn't do anything to you. She was offered a job or instructed that her job was changing. Sounds like she's being treated badly as well, and you're holding it against her. Your share partners are bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I understand she needed to look out for herself and her job. But to accept a job with a family she has never met and not worked for makes absolutely no sense. I'm also very upset with our nanny share partners. I would have been transparent about preschool and considering a share with another family that they are friends with, I just expected more from them. We aren't friends but they have always been lovely to my son, my wife and me. I can't imagine doing this. I'm a very transparent person. I would have said, "family, we are havibg another baby and it would be more convenient to have a share with our friends. We would like to offer nanny the position." Maybe that sounds odd, but I can work with honesty. I just feel like my family and more importantly my son were shut out of the equation. Believe me this move would not have boded well with them if they were on our shoes.

I don't even want this nanny in my home. She told my wife she just found out the other family was pregnant and doing preschool Friday, that they said "you will work for us and our friends". Like I said the other couple works from home and I'm sure the nanny likes that rather than our house where she is alone with kids.

I had asked the nanny her thoughts on preschool and she had said to wait another year.

Lesson learned. I feel so dumb. Why did I let these terrible people into my life?

Don't overreact and make this harder on everyone, including your son. Both sets of parents are currently pregnant, so isn't this a switch that won't happen for at least a couple of months? That should give you time to work out a transition and a solution that works for you, rather than abruptly leaving the share with no alternative.

[Anonymous]

No we are not expecting. The new family joining the share is currently pregnant with a singleton. No other children. It will be two infants and a p/t toddler in preschool. I understand. It is easier with neighbors who are also friends. Less logistics. I am just upset about the way it was handled. Moving on and looking for a new option for LO. My wife is much less emotional about this than I am. I am really upset about this. Our LO loves his nanny and nanny share family so much. The snow day, he keeps asking for nanny and the other family's LO. I want to keep things positive as I love the other LO and want my son and him to continue to be friends. We live in a small community and they will go to the same school. We have many mutual friends and I don't want any hard feelings. I know I need to move on and realize that people are basically self-interested. They did what was best for their family and what was best for their own employment. Moving on.

[Anonymous]

Do nannies just take instructions from bullies like they are owned by a family? I have more respect for my LO's nanny than to instruct her that she will continue working for me. She is a street smart but unsophisticated person so I do feel like she felt coerced. I'm not about to offer her more money or go behind the other family's back and try to poach the nanny. I am a firm believer in karma and the Golden Rule so that wouldn't be cool in my book.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, you sound completely nuts. I can see why they hesitated to tell you in person. Take a cue from your wife. Maybe even she knew and didn't want to tell you because of how you're reacting right now. Who knows. And let's be very clear about one thing: nannies don't WANT to work in a home with the parents home all day. That is NOT an advantage. And the fact you have your kid on waiting a lists tells them you might now out for school anytime (unless you weren't being transparent about that to them.) I would assume you'd be leaving as soon as you get a slot and I'd plan accordingly. Nanny needs to ensure long term employment which you can't guarantee if you're waiting for a day care slot to open.

Relax and go with the flow. Life ebbs and flows just like the ocean. Don't fight it or you'll drown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I understand she needed to look out for herself and her job. But to accept a job with a family she has never met and not worked for makes absolutely no sense. I'm also very upset with our nanny share partners. I would have been transparent about preschool and considering a share with another family that they are friends with, I just expected more from them. We aren't friends but they have always been lovely to my son, my wife and me. I can't imagine doing this. I'm a very transparent person. I would have said, "family, we are havibg another baby and it would be more convenient to have a share with our friends. We would like to offer nanny the position." Maybe that sounds odd, but I can work with honesty. I just feel like my family and more importantly my son were shut out of the equation. Believe me this move would not have boded well with them if they were on our shoes.

I don't even want this nanny in my home. She told my wife she just found out the other family was pregnant and doing preschool Friday, that they said "you will work for us and our friends". Like I said the other couple works from home and I'm sure the nanny likes that rather than our house where she is alone with kids.
I had asked the nanny her thoughts on preschool and she had said to wait another year.

Lesson learned. I feel so dumb. Why did I let these terrible people into my life?

Most nannies hate having parents hover, so what you see as a benefit is more likely to be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you sound completely nuts. I can see why they hesitated to tell you in person. Take a cue from your wife. Maybe even she knew and didn't want to tell you because of how you're reacting right now. Who knows. And let's be very clear about one thing: nannies don't WANT to work in a home with the parents home all day. That is NOT an advantage. And the fact you have your kid on waiting a lists tells them you might now out for school anytime (unless you weren't being transparent about that to them.) I would assume you'd be leaving as soon as you get a slot and I'd plan accordingly. Nanny needs to ensure long term employment which you can't guarantee if you're waiting for a day care slot to open.

Relax and go with the flow. Life ebbs and flows just like the ocean. Don't fight it or you'll drown.

aw, come on - that's not nice. OP is sad and taking it to the internets unfiltered. That's what the internets are for.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have every right to be upset at the situation. Your only option is to offer the nanny a job and find a new share with her and pay her the full salary till you can find a share. She was probably told take it or leave it and was concerned how you would react and just agreed. It sounds like a crappy job if she's going to have to shag two newborns to drop off/pick up the older child. Talk to her and see if there is any way to keep her. The family should have found a new nanny... they are really crappy.

[Anonymous]

W

[Anonymous]

Where are you located? if you need child care ,I am available now for a nanny share I am a mother of a 14 months old healthy boy and i am looking for a nanny job with my son. i charge low child care cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you located? if you need child care ,I am available now for a nanny share I am a mother of a 14 months old healthy boy and i am looking for a nanny job with my son. i charge low child care cost.

That's not a nanny share. That is you bringing your child to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry OP. It sounds to me as if your nanny and this other family have been discussing this behind your back for awhile now.

And the fact that nothing was said to you directly the last time you saw the nanny is proof positive that she knew what she was doing was wrong and deceptive!

In a way it has been a blessing in disguise since the nanny and the other family have shown their true colors.

Good riddance to all of them.

I totally agree with this post. These people have no integrity and I would not want to associate with the other family or the nanny any longer than I had to. Good luck with whatever your next steps will be.

[Anonymous]

The other family pushed you out, not the nanny. Not sure why you are so mad at the nanny. This is all on the other family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny didn't do anything to you. She was offered a job or instructed that her job was changing. Sounds like she's being treated badly as well, and you're holding it against her. Your share partners are bullies.

This was my thought exactly. It sounds like both parties got WAYYY to involved in nanny's personal life (finding her daughter a job...house...citizenship, and that's just the stuff we know of) and now this woman feels beholden in some way to the families.
It doesn't sound like she has had much agency in this situation from the get go, and likely has no clue that this decision was reached without all parties knowing.

Grow up OP, and have a conversation with this woman rather than ranting and making her out to be a monster. And probably don't hire any more nannies, you clearly can not keep professional boundaries even remotely intact.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you already talk with the nanny about your feelings? Ask her to meet you at a coffee shop.