Question For MBs: How to Handle A Care Disagreement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the last two answers there is a correlation between calorie intake and sleep.. Baby is waking twice a night to eat. Once that's resolved she'll sleep. Till then tough cookies on mom.
MBs always want it both ways.

Except that it is developmentally normal for a 4 month old to wake twice in the night. She is sleeping good stretches of time for her age. The reasons that an infant wakes in the night are numerous - overfeeding an infant during the day does not guarantee you that she will STTN. If it were that simple, wouldn't every sleepless parent just give the kid an extra bottle or two during the day?

Where was overfeeeding mentioned? Stop talking out of your ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

We do not have both sides of the story here and it is not the nanny's job to council the mom, that is what the baby doc is for. Sometimes experienced nannies think it is OK to walk all over moms, why not add to the home by being humble and not act like a know-it-all. And by the way I am a nanny and experienced at that but I give especially new Moms the chance and right to experience being a new mom.

Since when? The nanny has the experience, the mom doesn't. As long as the nanny presents her advice as her experience rather than the one right way to do things, the nanny is speaking up for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 months is when infants have a known sleep regression and start waking up more often at night. Does MB know this?

I feel for you. I too believe sleep is necessary and withholding it would be negligent care. (I'm an MB.) It might not go over well, but I would explain to her how you feel and that you'd be willing to cut daytime sleep down if a medical provider agreed. (Would you?)

Good luck.

correct, REM sleep starts at age 4-5 mos so will be waking and needing to put herself back to sleep 2-3 times a night.

baby should nap 90-120 minutes in the morning and 90-120 minutes in the afternoon.

try to find out the mother's real interest on why she wants her child not to sleep long during the day, if it is b/c she thinks it will sleep better at night that goes against most books or docotor's advice on the matter.

[Anonymous]

Adding you sound like a good nanny op.
My advice to you is to find another position and move on.
BTDT this type of employer is problematic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 months is when infants have a known sleep regression and start waking up more often at night. Does MB know this?

I feel for you. I too believe sleep is necessary and withholding it would be negligent care. (I'm an MB.) It might not go over well, but I would explain to her how you feel and that you'd be willing to cut daytime sleep down if a medical provider agreed. (Would you?)

Good luck.

correct, REM sleep starts at age 4-5 mos so will be waking and needing to put herself back to sleep 2-3 times a night.

baby should nap 90-120 minutes in the morning and 90-120 minutes in the afternoon.

try to find out the mother's real interest on why she wants her child not to sleep long during the day, if it is b/c she thinks it will sleep better at night that goes against most books or docotor's advice on the matter.

Sidetracking here, but I'm hoping to find some books or other resources on infant/child development, and info like you've provided is just what I'm looking for. Do you have any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

For information on developmentally appropriate sleep patterns, see Marc Weissbluth, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child".

Other more broad development books:
- The Wonder Years
- Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5

[Anonymous]

You need to tell her nicely that the things she wants done would not bring the results she wants. Unless the baby naps very close to bedtime, restricting daytime naps won't produce better or more restful sleep at night. The feeding dilemma is very easily solved by trying it out and seeing what happens, but it never worked for my children.

One thing that I did do with daytime naps is limit them to 2 hrs each, and try to stay active during the day so they don't confuse day with night. But that's not the same as restrict daytime napping - a 2-hr nap is plenty restful. Occasionally infants do take humongous naps (I'm taking like 4 hrs) and then stay up to party all night. But a 2-hr nap, when not close to bedtime, is perfectly fine so I do not feel bad waking up the baby if she has slept for 2 hrs already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

haha so funny Is this the way you set your mind in? Do not worry when you see it you believe it. We not makeung up stories hear together will make a difference.

We do not have both sides of the story here and it is not the nanny's job to council the mom, that is what the baby doc is for. Sometimes experienced nannies think it is OK to walk all over moms, why not add to the home by being humble and not act like a know-it-all. And by the way I am a nanny and experienced at that but I give especially new Moms the chance and right to experience being a new mom.

You don't speak up when a mom is acting in her best interest rather than the best interest of her child? I completely agree that it's not the nanny's place to act with disregard to what the mom wants done behind her back, but moms hire nannies with experience because they want that experience, not so that you can stand there and act like you have no idea what is going on.

She's one of those nannies. Ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

We do not have both sides of the story here and it is not the nanny's job to council the mom, that is what the baby doc is for. Sometimes experienced nannies think it is OK to walk all over moms, why not add to the home by being humble and not act like a know-it-all. And by the way I am a nanny and experienced at that but I give especially new Moms the chance and right to experience being a new mom.

You don't speak up when a mom is acting in her best interest rather than the best interest of her child? I completely agree that it's not the nanny's place to act with disregard to what the mom wants done behind her back, but moms hire nannies with experience because they want that experience, not so that you can stand there and act like you have no idea what is going on.

She's one of those nannies. Ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For information on developmentally appropriate sleep patterns, see Marc Weissbluth, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child".

Other more broad development books:
- The Wonder Years
- Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Not all babies experience sleep regression at 4 months. Mine was Sttn at 9 weeks.

If you don't follow a schedule I lay out, you would be looking for a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all babies experience sleep regression at 4 months. Mine was Sttn at 9 weeks.

If you don't follow a schedule I lay out, you would be looking for a new job.

If that's what your child was doing without forcing, great! But it's not in the child's best interests to have it forced at such a young age, and that's what OP's problem is.