Question For MBs: How to Handle A Care Disagreement

[Anonymous]

I've been a nanny for many years, I specialize in caring for infants.
My charge who is 4 months old wakes 1 to 2 times a night she goes down at 8 wakes up at 1 and then at 5 , and after the 5 am feed will usually sleep another hour or two. Every now and then she will have a bad night and wake up multiple times.
I nap her during the day so she has 4 hours of daytime sleep.
Recently MB has started complaining that I let her sleep too much, and she thinks she should be able to STTN.
I tried explaining that she is doing well for her age, and suggested drying a dream feed when mom goes to be. I thought the dream feed might stretch her even longer.Mom tried that one night and decided it didn't work, now she wants me to let her sleep only 3 ours total, but really only 2.5 hours , and to wake her up after 40 minutes.
The poor thing is exhausted. I have been letting her sleep a little longer because she needs it.
What is the best way of approaching this. I'm thinking of suggesting we up her daytime intake by an ounce per bottle and see if that helps.
When the time comes I'm more than willing to spend a few nights and start sleep training, as I have done that before.
Would you be okay if your nanny presented you with a proposal?
I don't know how else to handle it. I don't like sneaking around her instructions and I'm not the type to quit without trying to rectify things, but I can't withold needed sleep with a clear conscience.

[Anonymous]

4 months is when infants have a known sleep regression and start waking up more often at night. Does MB know this?

I feel for you. I too believe sleep is necessary and withholding it would be negligent care. (I'm an MB.) It might not go over well, but I would explain to her how you feel and that you'd be willing to cut daytime sleep down if a medical provider agreed. (Would you?)

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

And yes, I'd take you up on an offer to sleep train! (Although I really believe 4mo is too young for that too.)

[Anonymous]

I'm confused by your comment about "upping the bottles". A baby should be regulating the amount she drinks at a feeding. If she's finishing the bottles and would willingly take more, then of course you offer it. If she isn't do this, then I'm not sure how upping the amount left in the bottle would help.

It sounds like she may be waking up hungry at night.

[Anonymous]

Does your boss know about the 4 month sleep regression? I'd bring that up and ask if she's be okay with waiting 3 more weeks. At 5 months, you can start sleep training. Personally, I wouldn't do it, but it's better than trying to do it during the wakeful stage when you're just fighting nature.

On the upping ounces thing, if the baby is formula fed, okay, sure, ask. But if she's breastfeed, I would not appreciate being asked for more milk than the baby needs. Caregivers, grandmas - everyone who's not the person actually producing the milk - seem happy to use more milk even when hunger is not the problem. In your example OP, sleep is the problem, but since you & your boss can't agree on that, you're inclined to use milk as a work around. For a pumping, working mom that's kind of a big ask. I'd rather just solve the actual problem here - sleep.

[Anonymous]

To the last two answers there is a correlation between calorie intake and sleep.. Baby is waking twice a night to eat. Once that's resolved she'll sleep. Till then tough cookies on mom.
MBs always want it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the last two answers there is a correlation between calorie intake and sleep.. Baby is waking twice a night to eat. Once that's resolved she'll sleep. Till then tough cookies on mom.
MBs always want it both ways.

Except that it is developmentally normal for a 4 month old to wake twice in the night. She is sleeping good stretches of time for her age. The reasons that an infant wakes in the night are numerous - overfeeding an infant during the day does not guarantee you that she will STTN. If it were that simple, wouldn't every sleepless parent just give the kid an extra bottle or two during the day?

[Anonymous]

It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

Wanted to add that experiencing being a mom means the crappy parts too, like waking up at night, not just calling the shots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

We do not have both sides of the story here and it is not the nanny's job to council the mom, that is what the baby doc is for. Sometimes experienced nannies think it is OK to walk all over moms, why not add to the home by being humble and not act like a know-it-all. And by the way I am a nanny and experienced at that but I give especially new Moms the chance and right to experience being a new mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

We do not have both sides of the story here and it is not the nanny's job to council the mom, that is what the baby doc is for. Sometimes experienced nannies think it is OK to walk all over moms, why not add to the home by being humble and not act like a know-it-all. And by the way I am a nanny and experienced at that but I give especially new Moms the chance and right to experience being a new mom.

You don't speak up when a mom is acting in her best interest rather than the best interest of her child? I completely agree that it's not the nanny's place to act with disregard to what the mom wants done behind her back, but moms hire nannies with experience because they want that experience, not so that you can stand there and act like you have no idea what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

Haha it's cute that you think this.
Reality check.
You can be as nice and humble and supportive as you want and MBs will still freak out on you and blame you for the baby having a bad night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is all about how you approach the mom and remember no matter how more experienced you think you are, the Mom has the say. Most moms know that their nanny has done this a long time and you need to let the Mom come to you with a question and ask for your opinion. If this is a new mom she is most likely getting advice on all fronts including mother-in-laws, you will score points by being humble and asking if the mom has any questions that could you could help her with. Even if the nanny is correct, and unless there is some kind of abuse or neglect then let Mom experience being a mom, especially a new mom. In other words back off and do what the mom wants done.

What do you think withholding sleep from a tired 4 month old baby so that mom doesn't have to get up at night qualifies as? It certainly isn't in the baby's best interest, and any decent nanny would take issue with that.

We do not have both sides of the story here and it is not the nanny's job to council the mom, that is what the baby doc is for. Sometimes experienced nannies think it is OK to walk all over moms, why not add to the home by being humble and not act like a know-it-all. And by the way I am a nanny and experienced at that but I give especially new Moms the chance and right to experience being a new mom.

You don't speak up when a mom is acting in her best interest rather than the best interest of her child? I completely agree that it's not the nanny's place to act with disregard to what the mom wants done behind her back, but moms hire nannies with experience because they want that experience, not so that you can stand there and act like you have no idea what is going on.

She's one of those nannies. Ignore it.