Religious Differences With Potential Nanny

[Anonymous]

You should not hire her because the milk of human kindness might rub off on your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should not hire her because the milk of human kindness might rub off on your child.

Human kindness is NOT what Christian churches are known for anymore.

For what it is worth, OP, DH and I are Jewish and our beloved nanny is Muslim. Our older son's tutor is Catholic (not a day in a non-Catholic school until graduate school). We all get along and respect each other and each other's holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is my post on this exact topic from last year. We ended up going with a different candidate:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/299329.page

Thanks for sharing this. Interesting to see the nannies who responded felt they could work for a family who were non-believers.

And for the pp, my gut isn't telling me anything, that's why I am seeking the perspective of others. The prospective nanny did not mention her religious beliefs at all during the interview, it came up only as asides (i.e. moved her for church, relationship between references and church, and she mentioned living aborad, clearly now for a mission, but she didn't mention that aspect).

Anyway, this thread has been very helpful and I would love to hear additional perspectives, particularly from nannies. If we do decide to move forward to here, I would have a discussion that our religious beliefs are different from hers, and a subject we preferred to keep quiet, and ask whether that poss an issue for her.

[Anonymous]

We hired a very religious nanny--from a niche religion we were somewhat unfamiliar with--and she was so great we kept her for 6 years.

I think professional nannies understand that they can't necessarily bring their religion into your home.

I think the religious nannies largely take their job watching children very seriously and focus on things that are common across religions (doing good deeds, kindness to all etc).

I would not decline just because of that. You may be missing out on a great candidate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not overthinking, OP. I wouldn't risk even the chance of an off-handed comment that runs contrary to my family's values if I had the knowledge of that potential. What if one of your children has a schoolmate with two moms or two dads; do you think this woman could 100% conceal her feelings on that? Your children are certainly old enough to pick up on more subtle social clues. I'd pass.

I'm very religious and belive that most people will burn in hell especially those you listed. However I keep my thoughts to myself. I can be nice and kind to anyone regardless of their differences and beliefs. My chages don't know my stance of gays or Jewish people. I am a professional and keep them to myself. I also have no issue being friendly and social with gays.

Please, please tell me you are a troll. Gays??? Are you f***ing kidding me???

[Anonymous]

MB here. We have language in our contract specifying that we are a non-religious household. I would share your concerns about this candidate. If you really like and want to hire her I would recommend a very direct conversation wherein you tell her the belief system you are teaching your children. Then you ask if she would be comfortable working in an environment where those beliefs are taught.

Talk about it directly as a condition of hiring (that she needs to respect your wishes for your children). Let her know that of course you will respect her beliefs fully, but you wish any and all religious discussions or instruction to be done by the parents only (or something to that effect.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not overthinking, OP. I wouldn't risk even the chance of an off-handed comment that runs contrary to my family's values if I had the knowledge of that potential. What if one of your children has a schoolmate with two moms or two dads; do you think this woman could 100% conceal her feelings on that? Your children are certainly old enough to pick up on more subtle social clues. I'd pass.

I'm very religious and belive that most people will burn in hell especially those you listed. However I keep my thoughts to myself. I can be nice and kind to anyone regardless of their differences and beliefs. My chages don't know my stance of gays or Jewish people. I am a professional and keep them to myself. I also have no issue being friendly and social with gays.

Please, please tell me you are a troll. Gays??? Are you f***ing kidding me???

Yeah, PP, you're neither nice nor kind even if you act like you are.

OP, you have school-aged children. It has been my experience that children of that age ask a lot of questions and are very curious about their nanny's life and beliefs. I don't think it's wise to hire someone with such extreme bigotry but do whatever you'd like.

I am not religious and when I read Berenstein Bears books with "As the Bible says, honor your mother and father" to a 2yo I...don't. I say, "We should always be kind and helpful to our parents." (The kids and parents I work for are not religious, but one of the grandmothers is and sends all kinds of books that have that stuff sprinkled throughout. If the parents were religious I would read the passages but I'd probably mumble the passage and hurry on because I think brainwashing kids is evil.)

Anyway, there you go. I don't give a hoot what adults believe but as an atheist I am not going to do that to a child. We shouldn't be kind to mom and dad because some book said so, we should do it because it's the right thing to do. I can't make myself embrace the dogma. I imagine there will come a point when one of your children talks to your nanny about something at school and she can't completely hide her feelings about it. Is she super nanny? If not, is she your only choice? Why do you want so many opinions? Do you not have any candidates who mesh better with your family's perspective? What if she is voting for Trump and talks about it with you, can YOU keep a straight face and still respect her? It really helps the relationship if you're on the same page about something more than the kids.

[Anonymous]

Or to frame it another way...

Do you want to hire a nanny who thinks you and your spouse and possibly your children are going to hell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or to frame it another way...

Do you want to hire a nanny who thinks you and your spouse and possibly your children are going to hell?

oP here. by this standard, I couldn't hire anyone who believed in a religion, so way too broad. We have many friends who are various religions who technically think the same way, although mostly Catholics, not evangelical., so not disqualifying. I don't want to discriminate based on her religious beliefs, I just want to makk sure that she isn't trying to convert the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not overthinking, OP. I wouldn't risk even the chance of an off-handed comment that runs contrary to my family's values if I had the knowledge of that potential. What if one of your children has a schoolmate with two moms or two dads; do you think this woman could 100% conceal her feelings on that? Your children are certainly old enough to pick up on more subtle social clues. I'd pass.

I'm very religious and belive that most people will burn in hell especially those you listed. However I keep my thoughts to myself. I can be nice and kind to anyone regardless of their differences and beliefs. My chages don't know my stance of gays or Jewish people. I am a professional and keep them to myself. I also have no issue being friendly and social with gays.

Please, please tell me you are a troll. Gays??? Are you f***ing kidding me???

Yeah, PP, you're neither nice nor kind even if you act like you are.

OP, you have school-aged children. It has been my experience that children of that age ask a lot of questions and are very curious about their nanny's life and beliefs. I don't think it's wise to hire someone with such extreme bigotry but do whatever you'd like.

I am not religious and when I read Berenstein Bears books with "As the Bible says, honor your mother and father" to a 2yo I...don't. I say, "We should always be kind and helpful to our parents." (The kids and parents I work for are not religious, but one of the grandmothers is and sends all kinds of books that have that stuff sprinkled throughout. If the parents were religious I would read the passages but I'd probably mumble the passage and hurry on because I think brainwashing kids is evil.)

Anyway, there you go. I don't give a hoot what adults believe but as an atheist I am not going to do that to a child. We shouldn't be kind to mom and dad because some book said so, we should do it because it's the right thing to do. I can't make myself embrace the dogma. I imagine there will come a point when one of your children talks to your nanny about something at school and she can't completely hide her feelings about it. Is she super nanny? If not, is she your only choice? Why do you want so many opinions? Do you not have any candidates who mesh better with your family's perspective? What if she is voting for Trump and talks about it with you, can YOU keep a straight face and still respect her? It really helps the relationship if you're on the same page about something more than the kids.

op again, have many friend who are big time republicans and some who have served in republican administrations. Doesn't affect friendship at all, I respect people's right to have different opinions than me.

[Anonymous]

You are weird.

I'm not religious either and found out my nanny is a Jehovas witness when she told me that she doesn't celebrate her birthday. She's a great nanny and my children love her.

[Anonymous]

As long as she doesn't evangelize to your children, or openly frown upon your political and religious stance,,,it shouldn't be an issue.

[Anonymous]

I'm Catholic but my last family were atheist. Guess what? It didn't matter because I never ever talked to them about my religion and respected all their wishes. They were respectful of me too. They once even made a fish dinner for me on. Friday when I was staying late. They never asked if I wanted anything special. They just did it because they were considerate.

[Anonymous]

As long as she does not pass judgement on your own lifestyle and beliefs not does she impart her own unto your child, then everything should be okay.

A good professional nanny will know not to let her religious beliefs interfere with her nanny duties.

However, it will take some time to see if she stays out of line with your child and that may be a risk you are willing to make if otherwise she is good fit.