Nanny thinks we have a nanny cam-but we don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I would sit her down for a direct conversation.

Tell her you want to touch base as you feel that you are not all working as well together as you would like. Ask her if she feels that the job is working out well. Ask her if she has any concerns or questions, etc...

Ask a few leading questions to try to get a sense of how she's feeling, what she's thinking, etc... You may find she volunteers what you suspect (concern about cameras) or you may find there is something else entirely concerning her. Then you can talk about whatever she raises, rather than guessing at what you think is a problem.

If she volunteers nothing, then you say "I'm concerned because I feel like you are not fully happy in the position. I feel like you don't believe me when I tell you we don't have cameras. Is that true? " Then deal with that.

THEN, after that piece, you say something like "I want to make sure you and I know that we are honest and direct with each other. Kids tell stories all the time - often true and often fabrication or some combination of truth and fiction. So I want both you and I to know that we will be honest and fully informative about what happens with the kids when we're "on duty." That means I tell you if they have been sick, or got hurt, or didn't sleep well, or whatever... And you tell me all the same things. If we hear it from each other we don't have to worry about sifting truth from fiction out from the kids' stories (which is all I'm attempting to do when checking with you about something they've told me.) ok?"

You definitely have a problem to address. Whether it's simply miscommunication and hurt feelings that could be fixed with better communication, or you have a nanny who isn't trustworthy, isn't certain at this point. But you need to address it - if you just let it fester it will poison the relationship and you'll be rehiring sooner than you prefer.

Most parents don't want to be that transparent, in my experience.

Few people are comfortable with calm, direct communication - regardless of the workplace. But it's the single best answer to the vast majority of employment gripes (and relationship issues in general). People who can communicate well- whether employer or employee - will be more successful as a rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our new nanny recently made a comment that leads me to believe she thinks we have a nanny cam-but we don't and we have told her so.

My kids often tell me about stuff (ie-nanny on phone/texting, nanny breaking something but not telling us, child hurting themsleves but nanny doesnt mention anything)

When my kids tell me stuff, I inquire with her about it the next day to learn the full story--which may lead her to feel I discovered these things via cam-but its the kids giving me insight.

We have motion sensors throughout the house as part of our alarm system-that go on and off when anybody walka into and out of a room-but they have no video/audio.

The nanny has had a bit of an attitude about it. Wwyd?

Why do you have a nanny who
1. doesn't tell you she broke something
2. doesn't tell you the kid got hurt
3. texting and being on phone a lot, enough for kids to notice
4. has a bad attitude about anything on the job, when new to the family too

Now you are worried about convincing her about not having some camera you don't even have.

I think you need to just do a new nanny search asap and let her go when you found a replacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get someone you can trust.

Agree. I think you learned enough from your kids to be disappointed in your nanny. Next is her going to the nail salon, mcD's, her boyfriends with the kids and her bribing them not to tell you.

Continue to inquire about all of those things your kids mention. Don't disclose it is then telling you it a camera whatever. Facts are facts and she is in a slippery slope to bad care.

Don't tell her that you are getting most of the info from your kid, you don't want her to ask the kid to keep some secrets. Maybe you should look for a better nanny

[Anonymous]

Why are you keeping this woman??
She's no nanny!!

[Anonymous]

Kids talk to parents, it happens. Sometimes we deal with stories kids made up because they didn't like being told no cookies. Sometimes the caregiver is completely disconnected (like your case), and the child informs you. Take the information and use it. The child isn't telling you anything that screams deception (nanny spanked me, locked me in a closet, wouldn't let me eat, etc.) so either talk to the nanny and clear up the issues or hire someone else.

~Nanny who recommends nanny cams to employers, that way accidents can be verified, parents know what discipline is implemented and stories from children are easy to verify or dismiss