Was this wording too harsh?

[Anonymous]

MB here - I think you're wording was fine and along the lines of what I'd say to my kid. I can imagine saying that in such a tone of voice that it was unreasonably harsh. Obviously, we can't offer thoughts on your delivery.

Either way, your MB really undermined you. I would never criticize our nanny in front of DC. She should have spoken to you privately if she disagreed with your discipline technique.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I have a degree in child development from a prestigious university in California. I'm positive that qualifies me to work with young children. I asked a question that I THOUGHT I knew the answer too, but kids have been known to surprise me with their answers. I also believe children should have to think about the reasons they do the things they do. I did not FORCE an apology, I told him I thought he owed me one. There's a big difference. Had MB not interrupted me I was planning on turning this into a teaching moment about lying and then taking responsibility for it, especially when caught. I don't get these parents that want to completely coddle their children from ever thinking they could do anything wrong. They are the everyone gets a trophy, everything has to be fair type of parents so I knew things like this would come up. But I NEVER expected to be called out in front of a child. That part bothered me the most for sure! However I wanted to come on here first to see what others thought oft wording. Although short of me screaming at him or telling him he's a bad kid I don't think the parents should ever call me out in front of the kid. I have been thinking more and more that this isn't a good fit with this family and this is definitely the straw that broke the camel's back. I'll be handing them my letter of resignation tomorrow.

Sounds like a plan.

While you're here, can you share with us what your prestigious university taught you about lying and how it fits into a child's development?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I have a degree in child development from a prestigious university in California. I'm positive that qualifies me to work with young children. I asked a question that I THOUGHT I knew the answer too, but kids have been known to surprise me with their answers. I also believe children should have to think about the reasons they do the things they do. I did not FORCE an apology, I told him I thought he owed me one. There's a big difference. Had MB not interrupted me I was planning on turning this into a teaching moment about lying and then taking responsibility for it, especially when caught. I don't get these parents that want to completely coddle their children from ever thinking they could do anything wrong. They are the everyone gets a trophy, everything has to be fair type of parents so I knew things like this would come up. But I NEVER expected to be called out in front of a child. That part bothered me the most for sure! However I wanted to come on here first to see what others thought oft wording. Although short of me screaming at him or telling him he's a bad kid I don't think the parents should ever call me out in front of the kid. I have been thinking more and more that this isn't a good fit with this family and this is definitely the straw that broke the camel's back. I'll be handing them my letter of resignation tomorrow.

Sounds like a plan.

While you're here, can you share with us what your prestigious university taught you about lying and how it fits into a child's development?

Sure! I was taught that it is a part of a child's development to lie and it's perfectly normal behavior. But just because it's normal and developmentally appropriate doesn't mean that we should just ignore it. It needs to be addressed and have appropriate consequences. I mainly use positive reinforcement but know that natural consequences are appropriate.

For example yesterday afternoon the child did eventually apologize and when he did I asked him why he was sorry. He said he was sorry he wasted his carrots but that was all. So I used the opportunity to teach him about why it's important to tell the truth. I told him that when he lies it makes me doubt what he says to me. In the past I've always taken his word as truth, but now I'm going to be questioning whether or not he's telling the truth. He was upset when I told him that and right away apologized for lying to me. He said that he never realized that lying about something like throwing away carrots could make me doubt everything he says to me. In the past he's dabbled in fibbing, but never outright lies. The whole conversation was done in calm voices and I pride myself on being able to stay calm in almost all situations.

[Anonymous]

Good job OP!!

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. You make us proud. Healthy boundaries are a very good thing.

[Anonymous]

I am glad you are quitting, OP. MB had NO business whatsoever calling you out in front of your charge. So low-rent and ridiculous of her.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Just wow.

I personally think everything you did was appropriate. I would have done the exact same thing in your shoes.

This is a perfect illustration as to why I detest working for parents who will be in the home while I am there. They just don't know when to butt out.

You were not out of line, you didn't raise your voice or say anything improper at all.

I believe your MomBoss was out of line for calling you out on something so petty as this.

Hopefully you can work it out, if not, I think working for a family who works out of the home should be in order.