MB, do you ever admit to your child's nanny that you sometimes feel jealous or hurt...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It took me a long time to figure out that DC wanted whoever wasn't around. So she might cry for nanny, but cries just as much for me when I'm not there. So no, I'd never admit that.

How do you know she cries as much for you when you aren't there is you aren't there?

Are you dense? DH and the nanny and my mother and whoever else tell me. And I've heard her yelling mama on the phone and Skype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, because there is nothing to be jealous about and I'm not jealous or hurt by anything our nanny does.

It is developmentally appropriate, especially with young children, to "prefer" someone specific for a short time. Sometimes, only Daddy will do for snuggles or playtime. Sometimes, only Nanny will do. Sometimes, Mama.

All that means is that a child is learning to develop strong loving relationships with important people in her world. It doesn't mean she prefers nanny over mama in any permanent way. It's a phase.

I'm a nanny, and I totally agree with the PP. During a period of time in a child developmental stages children develop attachment and bound w/ a caregiver. It's a healthy behavior that smart caregiver should interpret such as, and dont think that a child love her more because is not true. Also, parents should feel please to see that their child is developing trust and attachment w their caregiver which is a great and important social/emotional miles stone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... when your child wants the nanny and not you?

No. nanny is busy, we are busy, kids are busy and we all work together. Nanny's job is to provide childcare and make our lives easier so we can do our day jobs to the best of our ability. If those two things aren't happening, bye bye nanny.

Kids under 2 yo change their minds on things constantly. Kids 2-4 may "like" whomever gives them the most candy and succumbs to their temper tantrums. And kids 5+ may have a "favorite" based on what they can get away with. End of the day OP may be asking a disciplinary question, depending on the kids ages, not a "child wants the nanny instead" weirdo question.

[Anonymous]

I think there would be no point letting a nanny know your feelings.

Reason being is that there is nothing your nanny can do to fix your feelings. Only YOU can do that for yourself OP.

On the flip side, your feelings are totally normal. What parent wouldn't feel the same?

Just try to keep your perspective on the situation inline.

Your child prefers her parents to her nanny overall. And thank your lucky stars you have such a wonderful, trustful + loving nanny for your child.

Priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... when your child wants the nanny and not you?

No. nanny is busy, we are busy, kids are busy and we all work together. Nanny's job is to provide childcare and make our lives easier so we can do our day jobs to the best of our ability. If those two things aren't happening, bye bye nanny.

Kids under 2 yo change their minds on things constantly. Kids 2-4 may "like" whomever gives them the most candy and succumbs to their temper tantrums. And kids 5+ may have a "favorite" based on what they can get away with. End of the day OP may be asking a disciplinary question, depending on the kids ages, not a "child wants the nanny instead" weirdo question.

Actually, kids frequently gravitate to the person who is most consistent, regardless of whether that person is stricter or more lax. I never give candy, all food is healthy, temper tantrums and other misbehavior doesn't fly with me. Yet because I am more consistent than the parents, the kids cling to me for stability. That's natural, because my job is to provide that stability, and my DB understands that. MB gets a little irrational at times, but I understand why and cut her some slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... when your child wants the nanny and not you?

No. nanny is busy, we are busy, kids are busy and we all work together. Nanny's job is to provide childcare and make our lives easier so we can do our day jobs to the best of our ability. If those two things aren't happening, bye bye nanny.

Kids under 2 yo change their minds on things constantly. Kids 2-4 may "like" whomever gives them the most candy and succumbs to their temper tantrums. And kids 5+ may have a "favorite" based on what they can get away with. End of the day OP may be asking a disciplinary question, depending on the kids ages, not a "child wants the nanny instead" weirdo question.

Actually, kids frequently gravitate to the person who is most consistent, regardless of whether that person is stricter or more lax. I never give candy, all food is healthy, temper tantrums and other misbehavior doesn't fly with me. Yet because I am more consistent than the parents, the kids cling to me for stability. That's natural, because my job is to provide that stability, and my DB understands that. MB gets a little irrational at times, but I understand why and cut her some slack.

Exact same situation with my job and charge. I don't think DB care a hoot but I know it bothers MB so I always make a point of making sure to tell her that my charge asked for her during the day (even when he doesn't) or tell her things like "all kids are like that with their nannies".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... when your child wants the nanny and not you?

No. nanny is busy, we are busy, kids are busy and we all work together. Nanny's job is to provide childcare and make our lives easier so we can do our day jobs to the best of our ability. If those two things aren't happening, bye bye nanny.

Kids under 2 yo change their minds on things constantly. Kids 2-4 may "like" whomever gives them the most candy and succumbs to their temper tantrums. And kids 5+ may have a "favorite" based on what they can get away with. End of the day OP may be asking a disciplinary question, depending on the kids ages, not a "child wants the nanny instead" weirdo question.

Actually, kids frequently gravitate to the person who is most consistent, regardless of whether that person is stricter or more lax. I never give candy, all food is healthy, temper tantrums and other misbehavior doesn't fly with me. Yet because I am more consistent than the parents, the kids cling to me for stability. That's natural, because my job is to provide that stability, and my DB understands that. MB gets a little irrational at times, but I understand why and cut her some slack.

A nanny here, I agreed with the PP that children prefer a person that seem to be more realible and consistent for them. Allowing a child to get away with bad behaviors or giving sweetness could only subtain children attention for a very short period of time. In fact, if a child find that hi/her nanny demonstrate more consistency and realibility with routine, love, habit, nutrition and so forth. Then it is more likely that this child would prefer his nanny and not his parents.

[Anonymous]

No, I never tell the nanny when I am feeling jealous of her relationship with my child or ever compliment her on anything or give her credit for something she has taught him. She knows I am feeling envious when I nit-pick her on tiny, insignificant things.

Signed
A Nanny pretending to be my MB

[Anonymous]

Why would that make me jealous or hurt? Kids aren't rational. Parents are here for life. No one else is. If the child loves the nanny, it's a very good thing that ought to be encouraged.

[Anonymous]

One of my MBs admitted to me on several occasions that she felt jealous - but not of the kids' relationship to me but rather that I got to spend all this time with them while she was stuck in the office. She was an excellent mother, though, and the kids definitely preferred her if it was between her and me.

[Anonymous]

I feel so lucky that my son loves our nanny so much. I have yet to feel a pang of jealousy but I imagine it will happen at some point.

I think when it happens, I'll just remind myself that the alternative - my son having a nanny he isn't crazy about -- would be so heartbreaking, that a moment of me feeling bad would be well worth it.

[Anonymous]

our awesome nanny facilitates my relationship with my kids. She doesn't compete with me like a prior insecure nanny. Our kids adore our nanny but prefer mama but are thrilled to hang with nanny. It works out and it reflects our nanny's sensitivity and skill as well as my hands on approach as a mom and the great relationship we have with our nanny.