Kids starting Kindergarten

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no way that I would convince my husband, or that I could even convince myself, that paying our nanny to be at home without the kids for 30 hrs/wk makes sense if she's not doing 25 hrs/wk of housework (lunch break factored in). It just does not make sense at all. There's aftercare. There are annual memberships to companies that send temp nannies to your home if something falls through last minute. There's winter break, spring break, and summer break camps with after care. There are backup care centers. And for the handful of days per year when none of that works for you, there's also your own sick leave - DH & I have yet to find a day when it was a disaster for both of us to miss work and shuffle around some appointments when our backup care wasn't available.

All of those options are tens of thousands of dollars cheaper per year than having a nanny. If you're paying that much more, you expect to get that much more. OP, you do not owe it to them to do their housework if you feel it's beneath you, but they will expect something to be done with those 30 hrs or they will figure something else out. Do you have a degree? Maybe you could do some curriculum development for a supplemental education at home program for the kids - that would use up some hours in the week. Good luck to you!

In OP's case the twins are in half-day kindergarten -- where are you getting 30 hours a week?

I never wanted my kids warehoused in aftercare or subjected to a temp nanny they never met before (especially when they are sick!). For us, with children 10 and 7, having a full time nanny to take the kids to after school activities/lessons and having a loving nanny care for them when they are sick (nanny has been with us for ten years) is worth it's weight in gold. Plus our nanny has substituted five hours a week during the week to give us a night out.

Take note: this is a good mother and a good employer. Her children have the stability of a longterm nanny and the employer has the coverage she needs.

Oh please. Some families can afford that level of ongoing care and some can't. That neither means that their children are being "warehoused" or that anyone is an inferior mother.

The sanctimony and judgment help no one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no way that I would convince my husband, or that I could even convince myself, that paying our nanny to be at home without the kids for 30 hrs/wk makes sense if she's not doing 25 hrs/wk of housework (lunch break factored in). It just does not make sense at all. There's aftercare. There are annual memberships to companies that send temp nannies to your home if something falls through last minute. There's winter break, spring break, and summer break camps with after care. There are backup care centers. And for the handful of days per year when none of that works for you, there's also your own sick leave - DH & I have yet to find a day when it was a disaster for both of us to miss work and shuffle around some appointments when our backup care wasn't available.

All of those options are tens of thousands of dollars cheaper per year than having a nanny. If you're paying that much more, you expect to get that much more. OP, you do not owe it to them to do their housework if you feel it's beneath you, but they will expect something to be done with those 30 hrs or they will figure something else out. Do you have a degree? Maybe you could do some curriculum development for a supplemental education at home program for the kids - that would use up some hours in the week. Good luck to you!

In OP's case the twins are in half-day kindergarten -- where are you getting 30 hours a week?

I never wanted my kids warehoused in aftercare or subjected to a temp nanny they never met before (especially when they are sick!). For us, with children 10 and 7, having a full time nanny to take the kids to after school activities/lessons and having a loving nanny care for them when they are sick (nanny has been with us for ten years) is worth it's weight in gold. Plus our nanny has substituted five hours a week during the week to give us a night out.

What do you do to your kids that they are sick so often?

Having consistent care is all very nice but paying for loads of hours you don't really use is beyond many families.

All in all, I think it is useful to remember that nanny jobs are temporary by their very nature. It's no one fault. The relationship has simply run its course.OP, somewhere out there is a family that would love to have you full-time. With this family, you will be struggling to pick up enough duties to fill your time, and you'd feel resentful on top of it. The family would also be continually questioning if they need it. Is this something you want to deal with? Why not just accept gracefully that this gig has finished, and open the door to new possibilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no way that I would convince my husband, or that I could even convince myself, that paying our nanny to be at home without the kids for 30 hrs/wk makes sense if she's not doing 25 hrs/wk of housework (lunch break factored in). It just does not make sense at all. There's aftercare. There are annual memberships to companies that send temp nannies to your home if something falls through last minute. There's winter break, spring break, and summer break camps with after care. There are backup care centers. And for the handful of days per year when none of that works for you, there's also your own sick leave - DH & I have yet to find a day when it was a disaster for both of us to miss work and shuffle around some appointments when our backup care wasn't available.

All of those options are tens of thousands of dollars cheaper per year than having a nanny. If you're paying that much more, you expect to get that much more. OP, you do not owe it to them to do their housework if you feel it's beneath you, but they will expect something to be done with those 30 hrs or they will figure something else out. Do you have a degree? Maybe you could do some curriculum development for a supplemental education at home program for the kids - that would use up some hours in the week. Good luck to you!

In OP's case the twins are in half-day kindergarten -- where are you getting 30 hours a week?

I never wanted my kids warehoused in aftercare or subjected to a temp nanny they never met before (especially when they are sick!). For us, with children 10 and 7, having a full time nanny to take the kids to after school activities/lessons and having a loving nanny care for them when they are sick (nanny has been with us for ten years) is worth it's weight in gold. Plus our nanny has substituted five hours a week during the week to give us a night out.

Take note: this is a good mother and a good employer. Her children have the stability of a longterm nanny and the employer has the coverage she needs.

Oh please. Some families can afford that level of ongoing care and some can't. That neither means that their children are being "warehoused" or that anyone is an inferior mother.

The sanctimony and judgment help no one.

I disagree with you. I also think that PP is a good mother and a good employer to put the best interest of her children ahead of everything. We sacrifice to have a nanny for our child and will continue to sacrifice. Children in aftercare situation ARE warehoused and the idea of some stranger coming to stay with them when they are sick is appalling.

[Anonymous]

First of all OP, you need to know that by everyone's definition...You actually are in fact a FULL-FLEDGED MAID. And then some. I mean...You actually do windows! Some maids don't even clean windows!!!!

And by no way did they compromise? They got what they wanted completely so I do not see how this would qualify as a "compromise." Compromise usually consists of a bit of give + take on both sides, but it appears to me as if you have given, given and given of yourself fully.

I understand that you wanted the job security, but there is a huge difference between caring for young kids and cleaning a home. If they are paying you the SAME amount per hour that you were making watching their kids...And now you are scouring their toilets...Well I hate to tell you this, but you are being raped.

I would leave this shady family altogether and start fresh with a nice and fair family to work for.

Your current employers are hustlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no way that I would convince my husband, or that I could even convince myself, that paying our nanny to be at home without the kids for 30 hrs/wk makes sense if she's not doing 25 hrs/wk of housework (lunch break factored in). It just does not make sense at all. There's aftercare. There are annual memberships to companies that send temp nannies to your home if something falls through last minute. There's winter break, spring break, and summer break camps with after care. There are backup care centers. And for the handful of days per year when none of that works for you, there's also your own sick leave - DH & I have yet to find a day when it was a disaster for both of us to miss work and shuffle around some appointments when our backup care wasn't available.

All of those options are tens of thousands of dollars cheaper per year than having a nanny. If you're paying that much more, you expect to get that much more. OP, you do not owe it to them to do their housework if you feel it's beneath you, but they will expect something to be done with those 30 hrs or they will figure something else out. Do you have a degree? Maybe you could do some curriculum development for a supplemental education at home program for the kids - that would use up some hours in the week. Good luck to you!

In OP's case the twins are in half-day kindergarten -- where are you getting 30 hours a week?

I never wanted my kids warehoused in aftercare or subjected to a temp nanny they never met before (especially when they are sick!). For us, with children 10 and 7, having a full time nanny to take the kids to after school activities/lessons and having a loving nanny care for them when they are sick (nanny has been with us for ten years) is worth it's weight in gold. Plus our nanny has substituted five hours a week during the week to give us a night out.

Take note: this is a good mother and a good employer. Her children have the stability of a longterm nanny and the employer has the coverage she needs.

Oh please. Some families can afford that level of ongoing care and some can't. That neither means that their children are being "warehoused" or that anyone is an inferior mother.

The sanctimony and judgment help no one.

I disagree with you. I also think that PP is a good mother and a good employer to put the best interest of her children ahead of everything. We sacrifice to have a nanny for our child and will continue to sacrifice. Children in aftercare situation ARE warehoused and the idea of some stranger coming to stay with them when they are sick is appalling.

What should be ahead of everything is the best interest of the family, not the children alone. Sometimes keeping the nanny will meet that standard, sometimes it won't. It's not a god to be worshiped.

I ask, again, what do you do to your children that they are sick so much that you can't take your own sick leave? Looking back at last year, I took maybe 4 days of sick leave to stay home with mine when they weren't well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no way that I would convince my husband, or that I could even convince myself, that paying our nanny to be at home without the kids for 30 hrs/wk makes sense if she's not doing 25 hrs/wk of housework (lunch break factored in). It just does not make sense at all. There's aftercare. There are annual memberships to companies that send temp nannies to your home if something falls through last minute. There's winter break, spring break, and summer break camps with after care. There are backup care centers. And for the handful of days per year when none of that works for you, there's also your own sick leave - DH & I have yet to find a day when it was a disaster for both of us to miss work and shuffle around some appointments when our backup care wasn't available.

All of those options are tens of thousands of dollars cheaper per year than having a nanny. If you're paying that much more, you expect to get that much more. OP, you do not owe it to them to do their housework if you feel it's beneath you, but they will expect something to be done with those 30 hrs or they will figure something else out. Do you have a degree? Maybe you could do some curriculum development for a supplemental education at home program for the kids - that would use up some hours in the week. Good luck to you!

In OP's case the twins are in half-day kindergarten -- where are you getting 30 hours a week?

I never wanted my kids warehoused in aftercare or subjected to a temp nanny they never met before (especially when they are sick!). For us, with children 10 and 7, having a full time nanny to take the kids to after school activities/lessons and having a loving nanny care for them when they are sick (nanny has been with us for ten years) is worth it's weight in gold. Plus our nanny has substituted five hours a week during the week to give us a night out.

Take note: this is a good mother and a good employer. Her children have the stability of a longterm nanny and the employer has the coverage she needs.

Oh please. Some families can afford that level of ongoing care and some can't. That neither means that their children are being "warehoused" or that anyone is an inferior mother.

The sanctimony and judgment help no one.

I disagree with you. I also think that PP is a good mother and a good employer to put the best interest of her children ahead of everything. We sacrifice to have a nanny for our child and will continue to sacrifice. Children in aftercare situation ARE warehoused and the idea of some stranger coming to stay with them when they are sick is appalling.

What should be ahead of everything is the best interest of the family, not the children alone. Sometimes keeping the nanny will meet that standard, sometimes it won't. It's not a god to be worshiped.

I ask, again, what do you do to your children that they are sick so much that you can't take your own sick leave? Looking back at last year, I took maybe 4 days of sick leave to stay home with mine when they weren't well.

NP here and my kids got sick CONSTANTLY the first two years they were in school. Be glad yours didn't.

We've also kept our nanny even though both are in elementary school. The sick days and countless school holidays aside, we need her more now than ever to shuttle to piano lessons, ballet and sports practices. She is also a wonderful tutor. Sometimes I feel like we need her more now than when they were younger. Granted, we have a terrific nanny but I do think the sacrifice to NOT have my kids stuck in aftercare is worth every penny.

If you are okay with aftercare, that's fine. I'd rather my kids be learning something and enjoying themselves than being stuck at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
NP here and my kids got sick CONSTANTLY the first two years they were in school. Be glad yours didn't.

We've also kept our nanny even though both are in elementary school. The sick days and countless school holidays aside, we need her more now than ever to shuttle to piano lessons, ballet and sports practices. She is also a wonderful tutor. Sometimes I feel like we need her more now than when they were younger. Granted, we have a terrific nanny but I do think the sacrifice to NOT have my kids stuck in aftercare is worth every penny.

If you are okay with aftercare, that's fine. I'd rather my kids be learning something and enjoying themselves than being stuck at school.

Nice job setting up a false dichotomy - either your kids are learning something and enjoying themselves OR they are stuck at school. As if no other options are on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all OP, you need to know that by everyone's definition...You actually are in fact a FULL-FLEDGED MAID. And then some. I mean...You actually do windows! Some maids don't even clean windows!!!!

And by no way did they compromise? They got what they wanted completely so I do not see how this would qualify as a "compromise." Compromise usually consists of a bit of give + take on both sides, but it appears to me as if you have given, given and given of yourself fully.

I understand that you wanted the job security, but there is a huge difference between caring for young kids and cleaning a home. If they are paying you the SAME amount per hour that you were making watching their kids...And now you are scouring their toilets...Well I hate to tell you this, but you are being raped.

I would leave this shady family altogether and start fresh with a nice and fair family to work for.

Your current employers are hustlers.

to tell this person she is being raped is disgusting. I agreed with you until that sentence.

OP, it just sounds like it has run its course. Sad, yes, but that's what happens when children age out of our care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP here and my kids got sick CONSTANTLY the first two years they were in school. Be glad yours didn't.

We've also kept our nanny even though both are in elementary school. The sick days and countless school holidays aside, we need her more now than ever to shuttle to piano lessons, ballet and sports practices. She is also a wonderful tutor. Sometimes I feel like we need her more now than when they were younger. Granted, we have a terrific nanny but I do think the sacrifice to NOT have my kids stuck in aftercare is worth every penny.

If you are okay with aftercare, that's fine. I'd rather my kids be learning something and enjoying themselves than being stuck at school.

Nice job setting up a false dichotomy - either your kids are learning something and enjoying themselves OR they are stuck at school. As if no other options are on the table.

Aftercare is warehousing kids. I know. My kids are in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP here and my kids got sick CONSTANTLY the first two years they were in school. Be glad yours didn't.

We've also kept our nanny even though both are in elementary school. The sick days and countless school holidays aside, we need her more now than ever to shuttle to piano lessons, ballet and sports practices. She is also a wonderful tutor. Sometimes I feel like we need her more now than when they were younger. Granted, we have a terrific nanny but I do think the sacrifice to NOT have my kids stuck in aftercare is worth every penny.

If you are okay with aftercare, that's fine. I'd rather my kids be learning something and enjoying themselves than being stuck at school.

Nice job setting up a false dichotomy - either your kids are learning something and enjoying themselves OR they are stuck at school. As if no other options are on the table.

Aftercare is warehousing kids. I know. My kids are in it.

You are saying there are no options on the planet beyond nannies and aftercare?

And have you seen every single aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all OP, you need to know that by everyone's definition...You actually are in fact a FULL-FLEDGED MAID. And then some. I mean...You actually do windows! Some maids don't even clean windows!!!!

And by no way did they compromise? They got what they wanted completely so I do not see how this would qualify as a "compromise." Compromise usually consists of a bit of give + take on both sides, but it appears to me as if you have given, given and given of yourself fully.

I understand that you wanted the job security, but there is a huge difference between caring for young kids and cleaning a home. If they are paying you the SAME amount per hour that you were making watching their kids...And now you are scouring their toilets...Well I hate to tell you this, but you are being raped.

I would leave this shady family altogether and start fresh with a nice and fair family to work for.

Your current employers are hustlers.

Kindly don't use the word raped in this context. Thank you, people that have actually been raped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no way that I would convince my husband, or that I could even convince myself, that paying our nanny to be at home without the kids for 30 hrs/wk makes sense if she's not doing 25 hrs/wk of housework (lunch break factored in). It just does not make sense at all. There's aftercare. There are annual memberships to companies that send temp nannies to your home if something falls through last minute. There's winter break, spring break, and summer break camps with after care. There are backup care centers. And for the handful of days per year when none of that works for you, there's also your own sick leave - DH & I have yet to find a day when it was a disaster for both of us to miss work and shuffle around some appointments when our backup care wasn't available.

All of those options are tens of thousands of dollars cheaper per year than having a nanny. If you're paying that much more, you expect to get that much more. OP, you do not owe it to them to do their housework if you feel it's beneath you, but they will expect something to be done with those 30 hrs or they will figure something else out. Do you have a degree? Maybe you could do some curriculum development for a supplemental education at home program for the kids - that would use up some hours in the week. Good luck to you!

In OP's case the twins are in half-day kindergarten -- where are you getting 30 hours a week?

I never wanted my kids warehoused in aftercare or subjected to a temp nanny they never met before (especially when they are sick!). For us, with children 10 and 7, having a full time nanny to take the kids to after school activities/lessons and having a loving nanny care for them when they are sick (nanny has been with us for ten years) is worth it's weight in gold. Plus our nanny has substituted five hours a week during the week to give us a night out.

Take note: this is a good mother and a good employer. Her children have the stability of a longterm nanny and the employer has the coverage she needs.

Oh please. Some families can afford that level of ongoing care and some can't. That neither means that their children are being "warehoused" or that anyone is an inferior mother.

The sanctimony and judgment help no one.

I disagree with you. I also think that PP is a good mother and a good employer to put the best interest of her children ahead of everything. We sacrifice to have a nanny for our child and will continue to sacrifice. Children in aftercare situation ARE warehoused and the idea of some stranger coming to stay with them when they are sick is appalling.

Not everyone makes 200K+ a year... your privilege is what is appalling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my nanny family for over four years and they want to sit me down tomorrow and talk about the upcoming new school year. The twins will be starting half day kindergarten and big brother will be in second grade (all day). When the twins started preschool (two days a week for two hours) two years ago, I picked up a few household tasks to make up for the loss of time. This past year when preschool turned into three days a week, my bosses and I had a huge fallen out because they expected me to pick up all household duties while the twins were in preschool. It was pretty bad for a while and I even started looking for new employment because my bosses could not understand that it was unfair of them to ask me to become a maid because their kids were placed in a two day preschool program. Since then, things have evened out. I still do many "non-nanny" tasks to keep them happy and to even out the time. As of right now, I make sure the house is nice and tidy when my day ends, empty and reload the dishwasher, do at least two loads of clothes daily, clean the main bath weekly, make all beds daily, clean kitchen which includes wiping counters and sweeping floor daily, mop kitchen weekly, vacuum main living areas twice a week, changes bedsheets weekly, straighten pantry weekly, clean playroom daily, organize and straighten kids clothes weekly, and wash windows weekly. None of these tasks were "given" to me, I just do them to meet my bosses in the middle and to put forth the effort that I am willing to compromise.

Now that the twins will be in half day kindergarten next year, I am unsure of what to tell my bosses that I will do without turning myself into a full fledged maid. I have previously offered to grocery shop and dinner prep but those were quickly shot down. I am so happy that they told me that I'm not going anywhere but I am worried that I won't give them what they want when it comes to more tasks. Thoughts, suggestions, or advice?[/quote

this sounds VERY NORMAL for a FULLTIME nanny that has all charges in 3-7 hours of schooling a day. you take on housekeeper responsibilities.

Your other options are just be a PART-TIME after school nanny and they can hire a housekeeper a few mornings a week to do errands, cleaning, meal prep, etc., OR find another nanny job with babies.

Kids and schedules change almost every 6 months, you're either a long-term nanny or you're not.

[Anonymous]

OP's post sounds VERY NORMAL for a FULLTIME nanny that has all charges in 3-7 hours of schooling a day. you take on housekeeper responsibilities.

Your other options are just be a PART-TIME after school nanny and they can hire a housekeeper a few mornings a week to do errands, cleaning, meal prep, etc., OR find another nanny job with babies.

Kids and schedules change almost every 6 months, you're either a long-term nanny (i.e. 5+ years a family) or you're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all OP, you need to know that by everyone's definition...You actually are in fact a FULL-FLEDGED MAID. And then some. I mean...You actually do windows! Some maids don't even clean windows!!!!

And by no way did they compromise? They got what they wanted completely so I do not see how this would qualify as a "compromise." Compromise usually consists of a bit of give + take on both sides, but it appears to me as if you have given, given and given of yourself fully.

I understand that you wanted the job security, but there is a huge difference between caring for young kids and cleaning a home. If they are paying you the SAME amount per hour that you were making watching their kids...And now you are scouring their toilets...Well I hate to tell you this, but you are being raped.

I would leave this shady family altogether and start fresh with a nice and fair family to work for.

Your current employers are hustlers.

Public Service Announcement: As a victim of sexual assault, please don't say you are being raped unless you are really talking about being raped. Cavalier use of that word always shocks me and brings me right back.