Is this too out of line to ask of my NF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't trust a man in my home with my kids. Sorry, but I would have to decline your request.

You are awful. If you were really concerned about the safety of your children, why aren't you staying at home and taking care of them? Hypocrite. If I were your nanny, I would quit if you refused to allow my father to spend an hour at your house.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Yes, I think it is out of line.

In all my years as a nanny; I've had some really great relationships with my long term nanny families. But I've never ever asked to ever bring anyone, including my immediate family, into their home. I can only begin to imagine how uncomfortable it would make them feel. I honestly think that part of the reason I've had such great success with my long term nanny clients is because I've mainted personal and professional boundaries.

I think your best bets are (in order of most ideal);
1. Take off work an hour early.
2. Have your Dad wait with your DH at your house.
3. Have your Dad wait at Starbucks.

[Anonymous]

Please do not ask your NF this! As an MB I would be uncomfortable with it and I would also be uncomfortable saying no, so in the end it would just damage my relationship with our nanny. Your Dad is an adult and I agree with others that you haven't really explained why he can't go to your house. Why can't he just hang out there and read a book, or do whatever he'd do on his own at Starbucks? Alternatively, why can't you use PTO and ask for the afternoon off? If it's really because it's an inconvenience to your employer, and she says so, you could always say, oh I was just trying to avoid having my dad hang out at Starbucks for the afternoon, and let her offer an invitation if she is comfortable with one.

[Anonymous]

I think the request is totally normal. My dad would want to meet the kids/family I say for for two years. If you're worried, just mentioned to your NF that he's coming into town and see what they say.

[Anonymous]

I get it. He can't be at my home because DH is constantly on calls or has clients in his home office. It's too disruptive. It just won't work. He will wait at Starbucks.

[Anonymous]

Op you sound like an entitled pain in the ass.

-nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you sound like an entitled pain in the ass.

-nanny[/quote

How is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you sound like an entitled pain in the ass.

-nanny

For asking if it would be appropriate to have my father wait for an hour?
How exactly does this make me entitled? How does this make me a pain in the ass? I caused no trouble for anyone.
I already said I wasn't going to ask.

[Anonymous]

There are all kinds of nanny relationships. I have had two families where I would and have asked whether out of town friends and family could join me at work. These were families that viewed me as an extended family member, where I knew their cousins/grandparents/etc. and they were interested in me as a person. They trusted my judgement about the people I was willing to include in their kids' lives and I was thoughtful about who and how. For them, the benefit was sometimes just having a happy nanny, but sometimes it was truly to their benefit, by going on an outing that I would have been hesitant to do alone (e.g., my friend waits in line for us while kids play then we all go into the event together), or when my friends or family have used connections of theirs to get the kids and I tickets or other perks. One year, MB's niece died in a crash days before thanksgiving. She was so grateful that the kids knew and loved my family, because they came home with me for the holiday while she got to focus on comforting her sister.

That said, there are other families where I wouldn't have even thought to ask. You know the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I would be fine with this request (given your long standing relationship with the family.)

I'd also be inclined to try to find a way to get home early so you could just go be with your dad.

I think it's fine OP.

Same here. I'd just cut out of work 2hrs early.

This, and I'd love to meet my nanny's family.

[Anonymous]

Here's a little advice. It doesn'take you an awesome nanny if you never use your time off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a little advice. It doesn'take you an awesome nanny if you never use your time off.

Huh? I take my time off. I'm just not going to ask my bosses to be home an hour early if it's unnecessary.
They're too busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's a little advice. It doesn'take you an awesome nanny if you never use your time off.

Huh? I take my time off. I'm just not going to ask my bosses to be home an hour early if it's unnecessary.
They're too busy.

So instead they'll feel guilty that you're making your dad wait at their house basically ignored for an hour. And one will try to rearrange their schedule to be home early.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to ask. Just leave out the other stuff about him not being able to wait elsewhere. Just say "hey, my dads around to get dinner Tuesday. Because of the commute he'll be in the area at 5. Is it ok if he hangs out here until 6? ". When you add in the rest "don't want to inconvenience your husband, don't want to make your dad sit at starbucks, etc"it kind of comes off as a passive aggressive guilt trip to make them come home early vs you taking some PTO P

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. He can't be at my home because DH is constantly on calls or has clients in his home office. It's too disruptive. It just won't work. He will wait at Starbucks.

I don't get it. Is your home a studio apartment? Otherwise one would think there's a room your father could sit in to read a book while your husband has clients in his home office. I just can't understand why it won't work. Is your husband dealing drugs? Running illegal guns? A Mafia don? It doesn't make sense.