Nanny went on Vacation and now I want to find someone new

[Anonymous]

It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

[Anonymous]

Aa nanny who does side work, I do small things for my occasional jobs that I would not for my full time because it would be exhausting to do them every day - your chores would fit that bill- like wearing a baby while lugging laundry and detergent to another area, again to change the clothes to the dryer, and again to bring them back in.

As for the interaction and engagement, is it a matter of skill or personality? I love to read to my charges, build Legos, let them loose with finger paint, etc. But I am not super chatty or bubbly. I am friends with a cheerleader type nanny and could never keep that level of excitement up. My disposition is more introverted. That is why I am curious whether that factor you witnessed is a skill issue or her personality. Skill wise, your nanny should be capable of keeping DC engaged and having fun. Paying more will not fix it, nor should you keep her around because kids need more interaction as they get older. Personally wise, maybe she just has a different relational style then the temp nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

I want to clear something up. I don't expect nanny to clean up personal dishes. But if I prepare food for DS prior to work and she also eats that food then I would consider it helpful to clean the dishes. As an aside, what I make for DS in the mornings, is not dish intensive. It is usually pasta, so all she would need to do is rinse the pot or put the pyrex in the dishwasher. I'm not sure why people get so agressive here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

I want to clear something up. I don't expect nanny to clean up personal dishes. But if I prepare food for DS prior to work and she also eats that food then I would consider it helpful to clean the dishes. As an aside, what I make for DS in the mornings, is not dish intensive. It is usually pasta, so all she would need to do is rinse the pot or put the pyrex in the dishwasher. I'm not sure why people get so agressive here.

It's because they're constantly being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

I want to clear something up. I don't expect nanny to clean up personal dishes. But if I prepare food for DS prior to work and she also eats that food then I would consider it helpful to clean the dishes. As an aside, what I make for DS in the mornings, is not dish intensive. It is usually pasta, so all she would need to do is rinse the pot or put the pyrex in the dishwasher. I'm not sure why people get so agressive here.

It's because they're constantly being taken advantage of.

I'd like to think I have not taken advantage of our nanny. And I believe most of my friends are very fair.

We provided her with a genours Christmas bonus, pay her a competitive salary paid her for 3 weeks vacation plus the two + weeks we have taken on our own. We pay her via direct deposit, remembered her birthday, mother's day and other holidays. I could go on but I have tried very hard to be a good employer. Now I wonder if I've been too nice and accomodating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a nanny for a few weeks who quit very early on for family reasons. She was our first nanny and I thought she was great and was really upset when she left - until we found our current nanny. And then I realized the first nanny had really been doing the bare minimum, and although she took good care of DC (she was sweet and gentle and he seemed to really like her), she definitely did not make life easier in any way. Our current nanny takes wonderful of DC (she is MUCH more engaging and dynamic with him, teaches him songs and stories, they do colors and letters, etc.) and also does much more around the house so that when I get home, I can focus on DC and not unloading the dishwasher, etc. And before we hear the refrain "you get what you pay for," we paid them both the exact same salary, on the books, same perks, same job description, etc.

If your current nanny is not giving you what you need, it's okay to move on. However, to be fair to her, I would give her a chance first - talk to her about what specifically you need her to do - child related tasks should have been discussed up front but are absolutely fair game - and give her the opportunity to recover from her trip and meet your needs. But at the end of the day, if you need something different, that is okay. As long as you, you child's parents, are constant in her lives, other caregivers will come and go and it's not going to have a negative impact on her.

This happened to me too! Our first nanny worked for 6 months and I cried for days when she said she's leaving. The next nanny came and turned out to be much much better. Like no comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

I want to clear something up. I don't expect nanny to clean up personal dishes. But if I prepare food for DS prior to work and she also eats that food then I would consider it helpful to clean the dishes. As an aside, what I make for DS in the mornings, is not dish intensive. It is usually pasta, so all she would need to do is rinse the pot or put the pyrex in the dishwasher. I'm not sure why people get so agressive here.

It's because they're constantly being taken advantage of.

This is because they are lazy and afraid to overwork.

[Anonymous]

OP have you considered that it is much easier to be on the ball and go above and beyond for only a few weeks at a time? Everyone is on their best behavior when they start a job, and that is exactly what you saw with your temp nanny. It isn't really a fair comparison. That being said, you saw things in that period of time that fit the needs of your family better. Great! Sit down with your nanny, do a performance review, and discuss what you would like to see happening. Give her a chance to get it together. If at that point she still isn't a fit, now you know what is out there and you know better what you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

I want to clear something up. I don't expect nanny to clean up personal dishes. But if I prepare food for DS prior to work and she also eats that food then I would consider it helpful to clean the dishes. As an aside, what I make for DS in the mornings, is not dish intensive. It is usually pasta, so all she would need to do is rinse the pot or put the pyrex in the dishwasher. I'm not sure why people get so agressive here.

It's because they're constantly being taken advantage of.

This is because they are lazy and afraid to overwork.

Logic fail. People don't get taken advantage of because they are lazy. The two concepts have nothing to do with each other, you simply couldn't resist the dig. Many nannies who have worked in this industry for a while, and for different families, have been taken advantage of at some point. Some of us have stories you wouldn't believe. Because of that, many of have learned to have contracts stating our duties up front, and are extremely cautious in choosing to step outside of that.

I, for example, will NEVER touch adult laundry. I won't wash it, I won't fold it, and I won't put it away. I made the mistake of trying to do an MB a favor once, and I fold the laundry she left in the washer. Gradually, she's forgetting to fold her laundry more often. Then she has it in the wash when I arrive and asks if I can move it over and fold it for her. This is weekly now. Suddenly, I'm getting reminders not to forget to do her laundry. Nope. I will never go there again. If you want an above and beyond nanny, don't take advantage of her when she does it. A good nanny is by nature a nurturer. We like to help, and we like to care for people, but we need to do it in a way that feels respectful and comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

I want to clear something up. I don't expect nanny to clean up personal dishes. But if I prepare food for DS prior to work and she also eats that food then I would consider it helpful to clean the dishes. As an aside, what I make for DS in the mornings, is not dish intensive. It is usually pasta, so all she would need to do is rinse the pot or put the pyrex in the dishwasher. I'm not sure why people get so agressive here.

It's because they're constantly being taken advantage of.

I'd like to think I have not taken advantage of our nanny. And I believe most of my friends are very fair.

We provided her with a genours Christmas bonus, pay her a competitive salary paid her for 3 weeks vacation plus the two + weeks we have taken on our own. We pay her via direct deposit, remembered her birthday, mother's day and other holidays. I could go on but I have tried very hard to be a good employer. Now I wonder if I've been too nice and accomodating.

Most nannies in DC are treated exceptionally well and not taken advantage of. I've seen more employers, especially first time moms, taken advantage of by nannies who try to convince them that if they love their child, they will pay the nanny well and expect very little from her.

OP, you need to sit down with your nanny for an annual review. Talk about what she does well and explain that your needs have changed and now that the baby is a bit older, you need someone who can take on more chores, take pictures (provide a camera, of course), etc. You do not need to pay her more because you are adding chores, although you might consider an annual raise to reward what she does do well. The bottom line is that your needs have changed, so you need to change the job, and you are giving her a right of first refusal. If she is miffed, she will move on and so will you.

Also, don't put too much stock in the fact that your baby seems to love the nanny. The vast majority of babies love their nanny, whether she is good for them or not. You need to take a long term view and figure out what is best for your family, because happy, less stressed parents make for a happy, less stressed baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

I want to clear something up. I don't expect nanny to clean up personal dishes. But if I prepare food for DS prior to work and she also eats that food then I would consider it helpful to clean the dishes. As an aside, what I make for DS in the mornings, is not dish intensive. It is usually pasta, so all she would need to do is rinse the pot or put the pyrex in the dishwasher. I'm not sure why people get so agressive here.

It's because they're constantly being taken advantage of.

I'd like to think I have not taken advantage of our nanny. And I believe most of my friends are very fair.

We provided her with a genours Christmas bonus, pay her a competitive salary paid her for 3 weeks vacation plus the two + weeks we have taken on our own. We pay her via direct deposit, remembered her birthday, mother's day and other holidays. I could go on but I have tried very hard to be a good employer. Now I wonder if I've been too nice and accomodating.

Most nannies in DC are treated exceptionally well and not taken advantage of. I've seen more employers, especially first time moms, taken advantage of by nannies who try to convince them that if they love their child, they will pay the nanny well and expect very little from her.

OP, you need to sit down with your nanny for an annual review. Talk about what she does well and explain that your needs have changed and now that the baby is a bit older, you need someone who can take on more chores, take pictures (provide a camera, of course), etc. You do not need to pay her more because you are adding chores, although you might consider an annual raise to reward what she does do well. The bottom line is that your needs have changed, so you need to change the job, and you are giving her a right of first refusal. If she is miffed, she will move on and so will you.

Also, don't put too much stock in the fact that your baby seems to love the nanny. The vast majority of babies love their nanny, whether she is good for them or not. You need to take a long term view and figure out what is best for your family, because happy, less stressed parents make for a happy, less stressed baby.

Does it seem right to you to both change the nature of the job, and to pile on a bunch of new work, without also changing the compensation? There is a reason employers don't go around doing this routinely. It loses you good employees. Chances are that doing as you suggest WILL lose OP her nanny, and she needs to recognize and be prepared for that. Its not even really a maybe. If you change the job she signed up for, give her more work to do, and don't offer compensation for it, she has no reason to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fair to expect anyone to clean up your personal dishes. She absolutely should do laundry though.

I want to clear something up. I don't expect nanny to clean up personal dishes. But if I prepare food for DS prior to work and she also eats that food then I would consider it helpful to clean the dishes. As an aside, what I make for DS in the mornings, is not dish intensive. It is usually pasta, so all she would need to do is rinse the pot or put the pyrex in the dishwasher. I'm not sure why people get so agressive here.

It's because they're constantly being taken advantage of.

I'd like to think I have not taken advantage of our nanny. And I believe most of my friends are very fair.

We provided her with a genours Christmas bonus, pay her a competitive salary paid her for 3 weeks vacation plus the two + weeks we have taken on our own. We pay her via direct deposit, remembered her birthday, mother's day and other holidays. I could go on but I have tried very hard to be a good employer. Now I wonder if I've been too nice and accomodating.

Most nannies in DC are treated exceptionally well and not taken advantage of. I've seen more employers, especially first time moms, taken advantage of by nannies who try to convince them that if they love their child, they will pay the nanny well and expect very little from her.

OP, you need to sit down with your nanny for an annual review. Talk about what she does well and explain that your needs have changed and now that the baby is a bit older, you need someone who can take on more chores, take pictures (provide a camera, of course), etc. You do not need to pay her more because you are adding chores, although you might consider an annual raise to reward what she does do well. The bottom line is that your needs have changed, so you need to change the job, and you are giving her a right of first refusal. If she is miffed, she will move on and so will you.

Also, don't put too much stock in the fact that your baby seems to love the nanny. The vast majority of babies love their nanny, whether she is good for them or not. You need to take a long term view and figure out what is best for your family, because happy, less stressed parents make for a happy, less stressed baby.

Does it seem right to you to both change the nature of the job, and to pile on a bunch of new work, without also changing the compensation? There is a reason employers don't go around doing this routinely. It loses you good employees. Chances are that doing as you suggest WILL lose OP her nanny, and she needs to recognize and be prepared for that. Its not even really a maybe. If you change the job she signed up for, give her more work to do, and don't offer compensation for it, she has no reason to stay.

Please reread the subject of this thread. The OP is unhappy with the nanny's performance and wants to replace her. I think if the nanny chooses to leave it will be a relief and will save the OP severance issues.