Feeling like MB/DB don't trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. OP, my hunch would be that you're dealing with first time parents, first time employers of nannies, people who are used to being in control and knowing what to do who are now out of their element, people who are nervous and trying to figure out how to be parents/employers/etc...

Don't take it personally would be my first, and major advice.

Do give it time.

Do ask for a "touch base" kind of conversation. "Are you comfortable with our working relationship? Are you comfortable with the level of care I'm providing? I see my role as supporting you both as parents, but I also have lots of years experience in working w/ infants, so I'm not sure how much you would like me to offer suggestions or would you prefer I not do that?"

You might need to subtly provide some support for the parents - telling them how great they're doing, how in your experience the first year for new parents is always an amazing time, that kind of thing...

I would really bet it's just insecurity, on a bunch of levels, that's fueling their behavior. I was a first time parent trying to figure all of this out, but with a work background that made me feel like I had to seem like I knew what I was doing at all times. And there's tons of societal pressure on new moms to do everything perfectly. So allowing the expert you've hired to care for your kids can be weirdly difficult. You almost feel like a failure if someone else is telling you how much your child should be eating (or whatever), even though rationally you know that's silly.

Try to find little ways to let the parents feel empowered, and try to remember that they're probably threatened by your competence - even though that's exactly what they hired you for.

If they're decent rational people they will settle down. If they're neurotic micromanaging nightmares you'll figure that out soon enough.

Good luck. I think this probably has to be a really tough part of being a nanny - I'm so much more experienced as an MB now than I was a couple of years ago, but only time taught me how to do it well. I struggled with all the things I listed above in the beginning, and I know many other mothers who've said similar things to me. It doesn't mean we don't value and appreciate you tremendously, it just means we're all nervous and insecure.

So hang in there, don't take it personally, and try to approach it as one more area where you have more experience. Hopefully they will settle down.

Thank you for the kind and thoughtful response. The mom is a lawyer and the dad own his own real estate firm. I guess it can be hard to feel like they aren't in control and that they should know these things. So far I've had a 3 and 6 month sit-down and all was well. They said they are very happy with me and the level of care my charge receives. I am a little sensitive so my biggest obstacle is not taking it personally. I will try to work on that. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Complete honesty is the most important thing, imo. Even if you give it to them, it's typically pie-in-the-sky to expect it from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. OP, my hunch would be that you're dealing with first time parents, first time employers of nannies, people who are used to being in control and knowing what to do who are now out of their element, people who are nervous and trying to figure out how to be parents/employers/etc...

Don't take it personally would be my first, and major advice.

Do give it time.

Do ask for a "touch base" kind of conversation. "Are you comfortable with our working relationship? Are you comfortable with the level of care I'm providing? I see my role as supporting you both as parents, but I also have lots of years experience in working w/ infants, so I'm not sure how much you would like me to offer suggestions or would you prefer I not do that?"

You might need to subtly provide some support for the parents - telling them how great they're doing, how in your experience the first year for new parents is always an amazing time, that kind of thing...

I would really bet it's just insecurity, on a bunch of levels, that's fueling their behavior. I was a first time parent trying to figure all of this out, but with a work background that made me feel like I had to seem like I knew what I was doing at all times. And there's tons of societal pressure on new moms to do everything perfectly. So allowing the expert you've hired to care for your kids can be weirdly difficult. You almost feel like a failure if someone else is telling you how much your child should be eating (or whatever), even though rationally you know that's silly.

Try to find little ways to let the parents feel empowered, and try to remember that they're probably threatened by your competence - even though that's exactly what they hired you for.

If they're decent rational people they will settle down. If they're neurotic micromanaging nightmares you'll figure that out soon enough.

Good luck. I think this probably has to be a really tough part of being a nanny - I'm so much more experienced as an MB now than I was a couple of years ago, but only time taught me how to do it well. I struggled with all the things I listed above in the beginning, and I know many other mothers who've said similar things to me. It doesn't mean we don't value and appreciate you tremendously, it just means we're all nervous and insecure.

So hang in there, don't take it personally, and try to approach it as one more area where you have more experience. Hopefully they will settle down.

Thank you for the kind and thoughtful response. The mom is a lawyer and the dad own his own real estate firm. I guess it can be hard to feel like they aren't in control and that they should know these things. So far I've had a 3 and 6 month sit-down and all was well. They said they are very happy with me and the level of care my charge receives. I am a little sensitive so my biggest obstacle is not taking it personally. I will try to work on that. Thanks.

Another MB here and I agree completely with everything the first poster said. Everything is SO new to a first time parent. I remember with my first child, someone would give me advice and I'd look it up in 3 different places at least to see if it was the best thing to do. There are so many ways to do everything from getting baby on a schedule, how to start solids, milestones etc. You name it and 10 people will tell you 10 different things. 3 children later I have now realized that doing things exactly right just isn't important. When I was a FTM if I'd had you as a nanny I probably would have done almost the same thing as your MB/DB except I probably wouldn't have told you I was double checking everything you said. And my double checking wouldn't have had anything to do with my trust of you, it would have simply been because as a parent I was trying to figure things out for myself rather than just letting everyone tell me what to do.

So as easy as it for me to say but hard for you to do I would really try not to take this personally. With that said though if it is still bothering you then working for this family just may not be a good fit for you and if that's the case there is no harm in moving on.

[Anonymous]

Just do your job. They are the parents and they are your employers. What they say, goes. If you have some deep need to have your opinions heard, get a new job.

Pretty simple, really.

You don't have an actual problem, OP. You just want to be more important than the parents. You aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do your job. They are the parents and they are your employers. What they say, goes. If you have some deep need to have your opinions heard, get a new job.

Pretty simple, really.

You don't have an actual problem, OP. You just want to be more important than the parents. You aren't.

That's just unkind, not reflective of OP's post, and mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do your job. They are the parents and they are your employers. What they say, goes. If you have some deep need to have your opinions heard, get a new job.

Pretty simple, really.

You don't have an actual problem, OP. You just want to be more important than the parents. You aren't.

If all you want is a warm body to shut-up and obey you, get a sitter, NOT a nanny. Good luck.