An accident prone charge... How to explain why I am quitting

[Anonymous]

I don't have any advice, but I did want to say something that will hopefully make you feel better. The dislocated elbow ("nursemaid's elbow") is incredibly common (I have friends whose kids have gotten it three times) and at least for us, we also didn't recognize what is was when it happened to my stepson. It was a number of hours and a call to the grandpa with the MD before we figured out we needed to take him in. I felt terrible for days - we thought his arm had just fallen asleep so we kept on rubbing it to try to "wake it up". We really sound like idiots, don't we? Six years later, my DSS is not remotely the worse for wear as a result.

[Anonymous]

What a nightmare this Grandmother sounds like....I was in a similar situation a few yrs. back and it was daily hell. Anytime something happened to one of my charges, she would immediately point the finger at me. One day, I just couldn't take her accusations and I just didn't show up. Sure, that might not have been the best way to handle it, but I was at my wit's end. I had been playing chase w/my charge and he slipped and fell and began crying. Well Grandma immediately came out, took him from me then told him she would buy him a new toy to make up for what I let happen to him. I was so mad! I was doing what I was supposed to be doing....I was playing w/him. Kids fall sometimes and get hurt. It's par for the course.

Anyway, you do not have to state a reason. If you feel you must, you can always be vague and just say it just isn't good fit and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

What does a dislocated elbow look like?

[Anonymous]

(I'm 00:01) - This will be my public service for the day. Nursemaid's elbow (dislocated elbow) is something that's super-common in kids under four because that bone is not fully developed so instead of being a shaft with a knob (if that makes sense) it's just a shaft.

Dislocated elbows look completely and totally normal, and they're not painful to the kids unless they're being moved / manipulated, so it's not surprising it wasn't noticed. The only thing is that they won't be able to move their hand / wrist and they'll kind of hold it at an odd angle. As I said, it's super-common, and my father-in-law diagnosed it over the phone in about two minutes (we did have to then go to the ER to get it reset), but if you haven't seen it before you wouldn't know what you were looking at (at least we didn't).

Because that bone is really undeveloped and it's easy to dislocate, you should never swing kids under four around unless you are holding them above the elbows - I always wince when i see people doing that. We actually have no idea how it got dislocated, perhaps when we put on his pajamas the night before? It's that easy to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(I'm 00:01) - This will be my public service for the day. Nursemaid's elbow (dislocated elbow) is something that's super-common in kids under four because that bone is not fully developed so instead of being a shaft with a knob (if that makes sense) it's just a shaft.

Dislocated elbows look completely and totally normal, and they're not painful to the kids unless they're being moved / manipulated, so it's not surprising it wasn't noticed. The only thing is that they won't be able to move their hand / wrist and they'll kind of hold it at an odd angle. As I said, it's super-common, and my father-in-law diagnosed it over the phone in about two minutes (we did have to then go to the ER to get it reset), but if you haven't seen it before you wouldn't know what you were looking at (at least we didn't).

Because that bone is really undeveloped and it's easy to dislocate, you should never swing kids under four around unless you are holding them above the elbows - I always wince when i see people doing that. We actually have no idea how it got dislocated, perhaps when we put on his pajamas the night before? It's that easy to do.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I don't know how old the people telling you not to give a reason are vs the few telling you to give a reason, but I suspect it's the younger nannies w/o much life experience who are telling you not to give a reason. As you get older, like 35+ you start to lose your filter and have a much lower tolerance for BS. I'm 41 and would definitely give a reason. Just how blunt I was might vary depending on the circumstances and my mood at the time, but I'd definitely give a truthful reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how old the people telling you not to give a reason are vs the few telling you to give a reason, but I suspect it's the younger nannies w/o much life experience who are telling you not to give a reason. As you get older, like 35+ you start to lose your filter and have a much lower tolerance for BS. I'm 41 and would definitely give a reason. Just how blunt I was might vary depending on the circumstances and my mood at the time, but I'd definitely give a truthful reason.

We are telling her not to get into the reason because there is no point. You can be as blunt as you wish, but this family is not going to trust the nanny over grandma. Furthermore, the specific nature of this issue makes it likely that her reason ("I feel that you do not trust me and are undermining me by blaming me for injuries.") is going to be interpreted by this crazy family as "She quit because she kept hurting our child and couldn't take responsibility." That is a poisonous reference to have out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(I'm 00:01) - This will be my public service for the day. Nursemaid's elbow (dislocated elbow) is something that's super-common in kids under four because that bone is not fully developed so instead of being a shaft with a knob (if that makes sense) it's just a shaft.

Dislocated elbows look completely and totally normal, and they're not painful to the kids unless they're being moved / manipulated, so it's not surprising it wasn't noticed. The only thing is that they won't be able to move their hand / wrist and they'll kind of hold it at an odd angle. As I said, it's super-common, and my father-in-law diagnosed it over the phone in about two minutes (we did have to then go to the ER to get it reset), but if you haven't seen it before you wouldn't know what you were looking at (at least we didn't).

Because that bone is really undeveloped and it's easy to dislocate, you should never swing kids under four around unless you are holding them above the elbows - I always wince when i see people doing that. We actually have no idea how it got dislocated, perhaps when we put on his pajamas the night before? It's that easy to do.

But she loves it SO MUCH. It's really a bummer that it's risky.

[Anonymous]

(00:01 again). Well, the good news is that nursemaid's elbow isn't serious at all; however, it does require a trip to the ER to get it reset (and the resetting part can be quite unpleasant). And once it dislocates once, they're at a higher risk for doing it again.

[Anonymous]

OP here. What an amazing outpouring of support and information. I am feeling relieved to know I am not tripping and that others have experienced this. After sleeping on it I think I am tying GMs words, my anxiety, and MBs nervousness into one big bundle of frustration. I don't know that MB thinks I am a bad nanny, only that she is a pins and needles sort of parent. She did say the dislocated arm was not a big deal... GM is leaving this weekend, she was on vacation. I guess I am reconsidering my decision to leave which was made when I had less information. However, a talk is still in order. Maybe with GM out of the picture I can level with her about how I have been feeling.

[Anonymous]

I understand that this injury is fairly common but I too would resent to assumption that the nanny had to have been the one to cause it. You said DC was unhappy in the morning, it is possible the injury happened before your arrival. So for the PP who said maybe you did it while dressing him the night before (do you dress your charge at night?) I see the statement as yet another slant that is not fair. Perhaps MB handled your charge awkwardly while putting him in or out of the crib or something else entirely. Your actions should not be the sole point of scrutiny. Did you ask GM or MB at any point whether THEY hurt DC again? How would they like to hear that accusation?

[Anonymous]

I'm PP (and a MB). Uhh... I said maybe WE did it to our own child when we put his pajamas on the night before (six years ago). It kind of doesn't matter who did it, although it does sound like maybe it happened before the nanny got there).

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like the issue is the child's accident proneness. He's had one significant injury. Hitting the head doesn't count, because all kids do that at that age.

It sounds like the issue is the GM. I wouldn't feel safe working in a situation where I was worried about being accused all the time, or where I was undermined in the way you describe. Having said that, I don't think you can write a letter saying "I quit because your mother sucks". It's not like they're going to replace her. I'd simply say "This isn't a good fit".

[Anonymous]

I'm 44. I'm one who said I would tell them why.

It seems you are now thinking of staying. There are liable to be future Grandma visits. Make sure your employers are aware of the sorts of things that were said. Personally, I wouldn't work with someone like that around.

As a mom and potential employer I would want to know if my mother were making comments like that.

[Anonymous]

The injury itself is not the most important issue here. Even a paper cut would be serious if someone implied you'd intentionally sliced into their child's finger. If you decide to stay then you need to accept that you will be constantly watched. Can you handle that pressure OP?