is this forum skewed?

[Anonymous]

OP, if you're a long-time reader of this forum, you probably could have guessed where the conversation would go. Essentially, on this board, most posters (nannies and MBs) assume the absolute worst based on the little facts we are given in an OP and then come out swinging.

I read your comment and I thought "man, that really stinks. I am totally with you that when I make a commitment, I stick to that commitment unless there is a serious emergency." I personally would not use that sitter again. And that would be that.

All the nanny posters that were calling double standard, I don't think there is one, and some of them were admitting as such by saying that if an MB cancelled on them and didn't pay them, they just wouldn't sit for that family again and it didn't matter because babysitting jobs are a dime a dozen. It's the SAME standard in my opinion - if you cancel on people, no matter when it is, and don't somehow compensate them, then don't expect them to have a professional relationship in the future.

Simple as that. Posters will assume that you're underpaying and taking advantage, but if you know you're not, just let it roll.

Honestly I rarely ask for any advice on here because unless you couch every statement in defense of your own position, everyone will assume you're a horrible person and completely fail to give you actual advice because they're so busy attacking your character. That's this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I read your comment and I thought "man, that really stinks. I am totally with you that when I make a commitment, I stick to that commitment unless there is a serious emergency." I personally would not use that sitter again. And that would be that.

All the nanny posters that were calling double standard, I don't think there is one, and some of them were admitting as such by saying that if an MB cancelled on them and didn't pay them, they just wouldn't sit for that family again and it didn't matter because babysitting jobs are a dime a dozen.

Honestly I rarely ask for any advice on here because unless you couch every statement in defense of your own position, everyone will assume you're a horrible person and completely fail to give you actual advice because they're so busy attacking your character. That's this board.

For crying out loud, I only have to give my LANDLORD two weeks notice when I'm moving out - any employer or employee who would break ties with a sitter/family over two weeks notice is foolish, IMO. Life happens. Of course you want someone who does their best to meet their commitments but OP is going way overboard with the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I read your comment and I thought "man, that really stinks. I am totally with you that when I make a commitment, I stick to that commitment unless there is a serious emergency." I personally would not use that sitter again. And that would be that.

All the nanny posters that were calling double standard, I don't think there is one, and some of them were admitting as such by saying that if an MB cancelled on them and didn't pay them, they just wouldn't sit for that family again and it didn't matter because babysitting jobs are a dime a dozen.

Honestly I rarely ask for any advice on here because unless you couch every statement in defense of your own position, everyone will assume you're a horrible person and completely fail to give you actual advice because they're so busy attacking your character. That's this board.

For crying out loud, I only have to give my LANDLORD two weeks notice when I'm moving out - any employer or employee who would break ties with a sitter/family over two weeks notice is foolish, IMO. Life happens. Of course you want someone who does their best to meet their commitments but OP is going way overboard with the drama.

Not that it's related at all, but all of my landlords and apartment buildings have always wanted at least 30 days. The point is - and I think both MBs and nannies can agree - we want our time and our commitments respected. In a land where there are millions of people willing to babysit and millions of babysitting jobs, there is very little barrier to just moving on to the next sitter/job should someone not act reliable/trustworthy/considerate.

Just as many nannies have said they wouldn't sit again for a family that cancelled on them, if someone cancelled on a job that I had said was really important to me and they didn't offer me any reason or apology, I would have no hesitation in not using them again, particularly if the job I needed them for was really important. Similarly, if you as a nanny have a job lined up and then someone cancels on you and doesn't pay you anyway, many nanny posters have said they wouldn't accept jobs from that person again.

It seems we're all on the same page, essentially. I really don't get what everyone was arguing about on that thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just as many nannies have said they wouldn't sit again for a family that cancelled on them, if someone cancelled on a job that I had said was really important to me and they didn't offer me any reason or apology, I would have no hesitation in not using them again, particularly if the job I needed them for was really important. Similarly, if you as a nanny have a job lined up and then someone cancels on you and doesn't pay you anyway, many nanny posters have said they wouldn't accept jobs from that person again.

It seems we're all on the same page, essentially. I really don't get what everyone was arguing about on that thread.

I have been reading the nanny forums for almost two years and I have never, EVER seen a nanny say she wouldn't babysit for a family that cancelled on her two weeks in advance. Day before or of without paying? Yes. Within a week? I've seen nannies discuss the circumstances under which that would be acceptable or not. But never, EVER have I seen any nanny complain about two weeks notice canceling a babysitting gig.

Because that would be ridiculous.

As you and OP both know I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as many nannies have said they wouldn't sit again for a family that cancelled on them, if someone cancelled on a job that I had said was really important to me and they didn't offer me any reason or apology, I would have no hesitation in not using them again, particularly if the job I needed them for was really important. Similarly, if you as a nanny have a job lined up and then someone cancels on you and doesn't pay you anyway, many nanny posters have said they wouldn't accept jobs from that person again.

It seems we're all on the same page, essentially. I really don't get what everyone was arguing about on that thread.

I have been reading the nanny forums for almost two years and I have never, EVER seen a nanny say she wouldn't babysit for a family that cancelled on her two weeks in advance. Day before or of without paying? Yes. Within a week? I've seen nannies discuss the circumstances under which that would be acceptable or not. But never, EVER have I seen any nanny complain about two weeks notice canceling a babysitting gig.

Because that would be ridiculous.

As you and OP both know I think.

Well like I said, if a sitter cancelled on me AND DIDN'T OFFER ME ANY REASON OR APOLOGY, then I wouldn't use her again. The main key there is, of course, if you have a trusted sitter that cancels two weeks in advance and sincerely apologizes, then no worries. If someone flippantly cancels on you, particularly if they have a history of it, then why are we arguing that the OP should get over it? There have been a ton of posts about how sitter jobs are a dime a dozen and that nannies have no qualms about writing off anyone that wasn't working for them. So yeah, I think that many nannies would be irritated if they had held two days for an employer and then the employer called two weeks before and flippantly cancelled with no reason and no payment, and would probably not line up to work with that family again. I really don't think I'm saying anything groundbreaking here. Again, in summary, if you cancel on people, anyone - MBs, nannies, friends, coworkers - don't count on them thinking you're reliable.

[Anonymous]

OP hired this sitter for her important work event after she had already canceled 2 times previously. She knew the sitter was unreliable, yet hired her again. She knew the risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as many nannies have said they wouldn't sit again for a family that cancelled on them, if someone cancelled on a job that I had said was really important to me and they didn't offer me any reason or apology, I would have no hesitation in not using them again, particularly if the job I needed them for was really important. Similarly, if you as a nanny have a job lined up and then someone cancels on you and doesn't pay you anyway, many nanny posters have said they wouldn't accept jobs from that person again.

It seems we're all on the same page, essentially. I really don't get what everyone was arguing about on that thread.

I have been reading the nanny forums for almost two years and I have never, EVER seen a nanny say she wouldn't babysit for a family that cancelled on her two weeks in advance. Day before or of without paying? Yes. Within a week? I've seen nannies discuss the circumstances under which that would be acceptable or not. But never, EVER have I seen any nanny complain about two weeks notice canceling a babysitting gig.

Because that would be ridiculous.

As you and OP both know I think.

Well like I said, if a sitter cancelled on me AND DIDN'T OFFER ME ANY REASON OR APOLOGY, then I wouldn't use her again. The main key there is, of course, if you have a trusted sitter that cancels two weeks in advance and sincerely apologizes, then no worries. If someone flippantly cancels on you, particularly if they have a history of it, then why are we arguing that the OP should get over it? There have been a ton of posts about how sitter jobs are a dime a dozen and that nannies have no qualms about writing off anyone that wasn't working for them. So yeah, I think that many nannies would be irritated if they had held two days for an employer and then the employer called two weeks before and flippantly cancelled with no reason and no payment, and would probably not line up to work with that family again. I really don't think I'm saying anything groundbreaking here. Again, in summary, if you cancel on people, anyone - MBs, nannies, friends, coworkers - don't count on them thinking you're reliable.

Expecting an apology is a given. Expecting a reason - with this much notice - is entitled. I had to cancel a slew of babysitting gigs when I found out I had a brain tumor and needed those evenings free to get everything in order at home before undergoing surgery, but I only explained my reason to the families I am closest to - the others don't need to know my personal medical journey. It's important to remember that you never know what is going on behind the scenes. I don't really believe people jump to conclusions in life as quickly as they do on here because in my personal experience everyone was very understanding (and have contacted me again for date nights) which is a great comfort when reading these boards. So many people make such declarative, black and white judgment calls when we all know real life is messy and muddled.

[Anonymous]

Pp - I think your last statement about real life being more muddled and less black and white is EXACTLY mine and the OP's point. Even your first statement about an apology being assumed and expecting a reason is a perfect example of this. Your assumption that I meant in all cases I would want your exact brain tumor story is you make a black and white judgment call! No, if you canceled on me two weeks in advance due to a brain tumor, of course I don't want full details. Something as simple as "I am so sorry that I have to cancel, something really important has come up and I hope you'll understand." Totally fine.

I never said I needed an exact and thorough explanation of the cancellation reason in every single case.

Can't we all at least assume the OP and subsequent posters are reasonable people before jumping down each other's throats?

[Anonymous]

You probably also are typically reliable and have been do since, do they are fine rehiring you. In OP's case, the person had already cancelled three times.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this section of DCUM seems to get replies mostly from nannies - perhaps it's just a small cohort of nannies who post over & over again, but I don't see a whole lot of employers replying. And the group that is replying is a particular type of nanny, so their feedback may or may not be relevant to your situation.

The tone of the replies though is DCUM wide - people are mean because it's anonymous.

[Anonymous]

I didn't see your original post, OP, so maybe you came off as crazy. However, the nanny forums are primarily populated by nannies. A few are educated and reasonable and able to give parents balanced advice. Many are young, unsophisticated, angry, and quick to get nasty on parents who dare to question the autonomy, saintliness, and salary expectations of any nanny. So, yes, this forum is skewed. It is not representative of the way most nannies think and act in real life.

[Anonymous]

There's one or two nasty MBs that are angry and sad.