Nanny locked baby in the car - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

MB here. This may sound nuts but I don't think it's a huge firing offense that she accidentally locked the kid in the car. That kind of thing can happen to anyone.

I would consider firing for "come home to see her schoolwork out and the kids laundry is not folded or I hear her on the phone when I walk in and there's a mess of cereal on the floor, "

My feeling is that when my nanny is at work, all the nannying duties need to be completed BEFORE she does her own stuff. If one of your nanny's duties is to clean up after the kids' meals or fold their laundry, then doing their own schoolwork before those things are done is completely unacceptable.

This exactly. It doesn't sound like she is a very good nanny and you could probably do better, OP.

Also, OP, ignore the PP who asked if she is struggling with finances and asking you to pay more. That is ridiculous. For one thing, her finances are not your business. She took your job for an agreed upon rate. Secondly, throwing good money at a bad nanny is a terrible idea. If she doesn't do a good job, why give her more money? That will just reward her substandard performance.

Tell her to shape up and do her job or get a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apparently her car has a sensor that when the keys are in the car it will lock after 30 seconds. She heard the car lock as she was strapping the baby in, but didn't worry since she thought the keys were in her pocket. The keys fell out of her pocket as she was bending over to put the baby in her car seat and she didn't realize it until after she had shut the door.

My husband said when he got there that the keys were clearly down somewhere where they would have fallen, and that it looked like an unfortunate accident, but not something caused by distraction.

This doesn't sound like it has anything to do with being distracted. Sounds completely like an accident partly due to her car's technology and partly due to fluke. it sounds like you are irritated with her for other things and that is coloring your view of this incident.

OP here - This is the situation completely. I've been thinking about it all night, and I recognize that my frustration has been due to the fact that she started out as a fantastic nanny and has slowly turned into a good but not always great nanny. This has coincided with a lot of changes to her personal life which make me think that no matter what I say she just is stretched too thin to give us the kind of effort and energy that she did a couple of years ago. She still is great with the kids (5.5, 3 and 7 months) and we do mesh very well together. I didn't mean to make it sound like she wasn't cleaning up after the kids ever - she's just not always making it her first priority but it does get done most of the time before she leaves (unless she's rushing to class and I tell her not to worry about it). I guess I've just been wondering what's fair - to everyone, not just me. I can't imagine firing her and finding a new nanny, I just want to feel clear on when to draw a line and say 'enough'. But for now things are working ok, and I know that there will continue to be changes as the kids get older and we'll just see how it goes.

Thanks everyone.

On the original car issue - she's taking it to the dealership today to have them turn off the automatic locking feature and also leaving a key here so we should never have to deal with that again

[Anonymous]

Just to make a point...she could have had the homework out while the laundry was washing or drying. That whole process takes about 2 hours. I eat lunch close to the time that my charge's laundry finishes. My MB could make the argument that I should do all job related tasks prior to anything personal. Just a thought.
Also, you never answered PP's question about whether or not her duties are finished by her end time.
Are they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to make a point...she could have had the homework out while the laundry was washing or drying. That whole process takes about 2 hours. I eat lunch close to the time that my charge's laundry finishes. My MB could make the argument that I should do all job related tasks prior to anything personal. Just a thought.
Also, you never answered PP's question about whether or not her duties are finished by her end time.
Are they?

Agree with this. I don't really care when things get done, as long as they get done and not at the expense of my kid (i.e please don't park my kid in front of the TV because you did personal stuff during nap time instead of picking up after lunch, etc).

[Anonymous]

OP, I would never hire a student nanny for just this reason. And if I hired a nanny who later went back to school, I would tell her up front that I am not comfortable with schoolwork being done on the job. Look at it this way: Being a student at night is like having a second job at night. Would you be okay with your nanny suddenly bringing her nighttime charges to work at your house during the day, so she could squeeze in some extra hours of moonlighting while your kids don't need her full attention? Then why should you put up with her doing schoolwork on your time? Of course it is a distraction.

There should be no such thing as being "done" with nanny duties during her work hours. Like anyone else who is paid hourly or weekly rather than by the task, if she's done with any specific chores you left for her, she should either look around to see what else needs to be done (i.e., organize a child's closet or toys) or look for ways to improve her performance of basic duties (i.e. research new activities for the kids, read up on child development theories, look for new kid-friendly recipes and get cooking, ask if you need help with camp research or applications).

I told my nanny when we hired her that we want her to take up to a one hour lunch break each day but beyond that, if the kids are napping or otherwise not in need of direct interaction, we expect her to be helping out in ways that help the household run smoothly as opposed to reading or using her phone or taking care of personal business. We gave her a list of duties that we consider part of her basic job and a second list of things that we would like done on a time-permitting basis. Re the latter list, we worked with her to identify things that we want done and she doesn't mind doing. For example, she hates to clean but loves to cook, so she spends what would otherwise be downtime preparing family meals. She's stayed with us for years because the expectations are clear and she is mature enough to understand that work is supposed to demand your full attention while you are on the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would never hire a student nanny for just this reason. And if I hired a nanny who later went back to school, I would tell her up front that I am not comfortable with schoolwork being done on the job. Look at it this way: Being a student at night is like having a second job at night. Would you be okay with your nanny suddenly bringing her nighttime charges to work at your house during the day, so she could squeeze in some extra hours of moonlighting while your kids don't need her full attention? Then why should you put up with her doing schoolwork on your time? Of course it is a distraction.

There should be no such thing as being "done" with nanny duties during her work hours. Like anyone else who is paid hourly or weekly rather than by the task, if she's done with any specific chores you left for her, she should either look around to see what else needs to be done (i.e., organize a child's closet or toys) or look for ways to improve her performance of basic duties (i.e. research new activities for the kids, read up on child development theories, look for new kid-friendly recipes and get cooking, ask if you need help with camp research or applications).

I told my nanny when we hired her that we want her to take up to a one hour lunch break each day but beyond that, if the kids are napping or otherwise not in need of direct interaction, we expect her to be helping out in ways that help the household run smoothly as opposed to reading or using her phone or taking care of personal business. We gave her a list of duties that we consider part of her basic job and a second list of things that we would like done on a time-permitting basis. Re the latter list, we worked with her to identify things that we want done and she doesn't mind doing. For example, she hates to clean but loves to cook, so she spends what would otherwise be downtime preparing family meals. She's stayed with us for years because the expectations are clear and she is mature enough to understand that work is supposed to demand your full attention while you are on the job.

You sound like an absolute nightmare of an employer and human being. Good for you that your nanny is apparently happy, but you're the exact kind of employer I avoid like the plague. Luckily my bosses trust my judgment when it comes to completing my work and taking time for myself. They don't have to micromanage me or dictate how long of a break I take. Jeesh.

[Anonymous]

^ and hour paid break is unreasonable on most days? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would never hire a student nanny for just this reason. And if I hired a nanny who later went back to school, I would tell her up front that I am not comfortable with schoolwork being done on the job. Look at it this way: Being a student at night is like having a second job at night. Would you be okay with your nanny suddenly bringing her nighttime charges to work at your house during the day, so she could squeeze in some extra hours of moonlighting while your kids don't need her full attention? Then why should you put up with her doing schoolwork on your time? Of course it is a distraction.

There should be no such thing as being "done" with nanny duties during her work hours. Like anyone else who is paid hourly or weekly rather than by the task, if she's done with any specific chores you left for her, she should either look around to see what else needs to be done (i.e., organize a child's closet or toys) or look for ways to improve her performance of basic duties (i.e. research new activities for the kids, read up on child development theories, look for new kid-friendly recipes and get cooking, ask if you need help with camp research or applications).

I told my nanny when we hired her that we want her to take up to a one hour lunch break each day but beyond that, if the kids are napping or otherwise not in need of direct interaction, we expect her to be helping out in ways that help the household run smoothly as opposed to reading or using her phone or taking care of personal business. We gave her a list of duties that we consider part of her basic job and a second list of things that we would like done on a time-permitting basis. Re the latter list, we worked with her to identify things that we want done and she doesn't mind doing. For example, she hates to clean but loves to cook, so she spends what would otherwise be downtime preparing family meals. She's stayed with us for years because the expectations are clear and she is mature enough to understand that work is supposed to demand your full attention while you are on the job.

It sounds like you and your nanny have a good situation with clear expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would never hire a student nanny for just this reason. And if I hired a nanny who later went back to school, I would tell her up front that I am not comfortable with schoolwork being done on the job. Look at it this way: Being a student at night is like having a second job at night. Would you be okay with your nanny suddenly bringing her nighttime charges to work at your house during the day, so she could squeeze in some extra hours of moonlighting while your kids don't need her full attention? Then why should you put up with her doing schoolwork on your time? Of course it is a distraction.

There should be no such thing as being "done" with nanny duties during her work hours. Like anyone else who is paid hourly or weekly rather than by the task, if she's done with any specific chores you left for her, she should either look around to see what else needs to be done (i.e., organize a child's closet or toys) or look for ways to improve her performance of basic duties (i.e. research new activities for the kids, read up on child development theories, look for new kid-friendly recipes and get cooking, ask if you need help with camp research or applications).

I told my nanny when we hired her that we want her to take up to a one hour lunch break each day but beyond that, if the kids are napping or otherwise not in need of direct interaction, we expect her to be helping out in ways that help the household run smoothly as opposed to reading or using her phone or taking care of personal business. We gave her a list of duties that we consider part of her basic job and a second list of things that we would like done on a time-permitting basis. Re the latter list, we worked with her to identify things that we want done and she doesn't mind doing. For example, she hates to clean but loves to cook, so she spends what would otherwise be downtime preparing family meals. She's stayed with us for years because the expectations are clear and she is mature enough to understand that work is supposed to demand your full attention while you are on the job.

No, I don't think you're being completely honest here. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would never hire a student nanny for just this reason. And if I hired a nanny who later went back to school, I would tell her up front that I am not comfortable with schoolwork being done on the job. Look at it this way: Being a student at night is like having a second job at night. Would you be okay with your nanny suddenly bringing her nighttime charges to work at your house during the day, so she could squeeze in some extra hours of moonlighting while your kids don't need her full attention? Then why should you put up with her doing schoolwork on your time? Of course it is a distraction.

There should be no such thing as being "done" with nanny duties during her work hours. Like anyone else who is paid hourly or weekly rather than by the task, if she's done with any specific chores you left for her, she should either look around to see what else needs to be done (i.e., organize a child's closet or toys) or look for ways to improve her performance of basic duties (i.e. research new activities for the kids, read up on child development theories, look for new kid-friendly recipes and get cooking, ask if you need help with camp research or applications).

I told my nanny when we hired her that we want her to take up to a one hour lunch break each day but beyond that, if the kids are napping or otherwise not in need of direct interaction, we expect her to be helping out in ways that help the household run smoothly as opposed to reading or using her phone or taking care of personal business. We gave her a list of duties that we consider part of her basic job and a second list of things that we would like done on a time-permitting basis. Re the latter list, we worked with her to identify things that we want done and she doesn't mind doing. For example, she hates to clean but loves to cook, so she spends what would otherwise be downtime preparing family meals. She's stayed with us for years because the expectations are clear and she is mature enough to understand that work is supposed to demand your full attention while you are on the job.

You sound like an absolute nightmare of an employer and human being. Good for you that your nanny is apparently happy, but you're the exact kind of employer I avoid like the plague. Luckily my bosses trust my judgment when it comes to completing my work and taking time for myself. They don't have to micromanage me or dictate how long of a break I take. Jeesh.

Exactly! As if MB's never have downtimes in their office jobs playing on facebook or here on DCUM. I do not believe those that say they never have a moment beyond their lunch breaks to breathe. Not to mention, kids take a lot out of a person mentally, and nannies typically work 50+ hours per week. Being constantly busy while the child naps beyond the lunch time is not realistic in this profession.

[Anonymous]

OP, separate from the locking incident (which does sound like it was an honest mistake she's taking steps to ensure can't happen again) I think you need to have a meeting w/ your nanny to reset things.

I think you would not be unreasonable to replace her, and you are very much within your rights to say "We really value you, and do not want to make a change. However, you are not getting the job done consistently and I feel that our children are paying the price. (Cite specifics like laundry not being done etc...) Ask her whether she would be able to accept this job today if it were offered to her - and if so, ask her to do the job fully. If she is not able to do the job fully then you either make accommodations for her or make a change.

I get it - I'm in a similarly difficult place re a decision with my kids' nanny at the moment, and I'm struggling very much with what I think would be best for our family in the long run, versus what I know would be hard for her.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

+1

I think that the incident on its own is not a big deal, unless she handled the car locking situation in a deeply irresponsible way. Accidents happen. Its easy to lock ones keys in the car, etc.

If you have a bigger set of concerns, those may be real, and they should be addressed as a separate matter. Is she still doing her job? Good, don't worry about her too full plate. If she's not, then its time revisit the arrangement.

[Anonymous]

I personally wouldn't allow a nanny to run her errands with my kids in the car. No value to my children. Do them on her own time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally wouldn't allow a nanny to run her errands with my kids in the car. No value to my children. Do them on her own time.

1. No where in the OP's original statement did she say whom the errand was being run for...nice assumption. AND
2. You wouldn't "allow" it? I've got news for you, when you aren't there and your nanny is driving your children around, she can do whatever she darn well pleases and you would be none the wiser. It's pretty asinine to assume that if you need nanny to pick up groceries for your family that she isn't going to grab a few things for herself, or if she needs to make a quick run to the post office, that she can't do it on the way home from school.

I'm sure this is all moot for you though, I highly doubt you allow your employee any autonomy what so ever, let alone letting her drive your car.