How do you deal with having to say no?

[Anonymous]

Could you perhaps set aside a couple of hours per weekend as the AP's dedicated car time? This way she'll have to really weigh whether getting to place X or avoiding the metro is more important. If avoiding the metro is really that important to her, then she can wait until her car time. And this way it gives you a concrete thing you can plan around with regard to your own schedule.

She'll probably still come to you with car requests outside that. But at least this way you'd have the quick and easy question of "is this something that can wait for your car hours?"

[Anonymous]

then tell her no. she clearly won't make the decision you want her to make on her own.

I'm sorry that you want your AP to be mature and to understand your needs. Doesn't look like that will happen. It sucks, but tell her no. Or make your husband do it.

Sitting there stewing and expecting her to read your mind won't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you perhaps set aside a couple of hours per weekend as the AP's dedicated car time? This way she'll have to really weigh whether getting to place X or avoiding the metro is more important. If avoiding the metro is really that important to her, then she can wait until her car time. And this way it gives you a concrete thing you can plan around with regard to your own schedule.

She'll probably still come to you with car requests outside that. But at least this way you'd have the quick and easy question of "is this something that can wait for your car hours?"

OP back again. Would be great if this would help, but you know young adults - she's all over the place in terms of when she has social plans, where she's going, who's going, how they're getting there, etc. I doubt many of her plans are made in advance either. The times she wants the car now are basically 6pm to 11pm pretty much every weeknight and either all day Saturday or Sunday or from like 3pm on a weekend day until way later than I stay up.

I've started just saying no when I'm not sure whether or not we'll use the car. This Sunday morning, she approached me to ask if she could park the car at the Metro for the day because she was going into the city. I said "Sorry, I can't have the car away for the whole day. I'm happy to drive you to the Metro if that's helpful." She walked and got home just fine. I was hoping she'd just get it, but she's not going to, so I'm going to just start being more clear.