Please tell me if AP task list/hours is reasonable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP who was a first time HM a few years ago with the meal plan.

I write out the meals for the month around the last week of the prior month. I may leave some blank and ask AP if she has any favorites or if she saw a recipe she wanted me to try. I pencil her in on her day to cook (that we had already agreed on) and on the other days i list out the dinners. I leave lunches and snacks up to her unless she asks me to choose. She includes those items on her grocery list to me.
If i can't understand what something is or i can't find it i let her know so she can substitute or so we can order online.

I like to keep family favorites like lasagne but add in at least 1-2 new meals each month to try. Meal planning saves us money on groceries becuase i know i can use the chicken for 2 meals that week or make a double batch of something on Monday to use again on Friday (like ground beef or homemade chicken stock).
It saves me time becuase i can prep what i can for the week on Sunday since all groceries are bought and i know what i am making all week.
It saves stress during the week because i take into account classes and practices when planning the menu. On game nights we may do Tacos or BLTs and chips. I know that ahead of time so no eating out or rushing to prepare a meal afterward.

It works out great for us and we will keep doing it until it no longer works. I love that the AP cooked one night per week because it was always something from her home country and i loved trying new foods and the kids loved it as well. She loved it because she would skyp with her mom while cooking as her mom was a MUCH better cook than she was and would give her tips/advice during it. You could tell it was a real bonding experience for the both of them and we enjoyed seeing her mom 'teach' her how to cook for us and she enjoyed seeing us enjoy her family recipes.

Where is the like button for this! (Is that what +1 means?)

[Anonymous]

NP here, and I just want to say that I think your schedule is very reasonable. I am not a single parent, and every day I am grateful for that because this is HARD. That being said, I am a SAHM of 4 under 4 we have had an au pair for 2 year (since we had 4 kids) because my husband's schedule is all over the place.. My only advice would be to try to cut down to 2 weekends a month, or at try to give 2 weekend off every other month. You stated that the exact directions for the schedule were at the au pairs request which is not micromanaging. The rest of the schedule and the perks seem fine to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP, what new perks and schedule changes are you going to make after all this?

OP here. First change is I will think harder on it before asking the internetz for feedback! Shew!

no but seriously! What here has been feasible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP who was a first time HM a few years ago with the meal plan.

I write out the meals for the month around the last week of the prior month. I may leave some blank and ask AP if she has any favorites or if she saw a recipe she wanted me to try. I pencil her in on her day to cook (that we had already agreed on) and on the other days i list out the dinners. I leave lunches and snacks up to her unless she asks me to choose. She includes those items on her grocery list to me.
If i can't understand what something is or i can't find it i let her know so she can substitute or so we can order online.

I like to keep family favorites like lasagne but add in at least 1-2 new meals each month to try. Meal planning saves us money on groceries becuase i know i can use the chicken for 2 meals that week or make a double batch of something on Monday to use again on Friday (like ground beef or homemade chicken stock).
It saves me time becuase i can prep what i can for the week on Sunday since all groceries are bought and i know what i am making all week.
It saves stress during the week because i take into account classes and practices when planning the menu. On game nights we may do Tacos or BLTs and chips. I know that ahead of time so no eating out or rushing to prepare a meal afterward.

It works out great for us and we will keep doing it until it no longer works. I love that the AP cooked one night per week because it was always something from her home country and i loved trying new foods and the kids loved it as well. She loved it because she would skyp with her mom while cooking as her mom was a MUCH better cook than she was and would give her tips/advice during it. You could tell it was a real bonding experience for the both of them and we enjoyed seeing her mom 'teach' her how to cook for us and she enjoyed seeing us enjoy her family recipes.

I am the PP who asked about this! This is amazing, how can you plan for a month?? It seems like it would be hard to do ? How often do you grocery shop? Thanks for sharing this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP, what new perks and schedule changes are you going to make after all this?

OP here. First change is I will think harder on it before asking the internetz for feedback! Shew!

[b]

Op is full of excuses and just wanted to vent and be validated. Oopps. Sorry you didn’t get the reaction you wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP who was a first time HM a few years ago with the meal plan.

I write out the meals for the month around the last week of the prior month. I may leave some blank and ask AP if she has any favorites or if she saw a recipe she wanted me to try. I pencil her in on her day to cook (that we had already agreed on) and on the other days i list out the dinners. I leave lunches and snacks up to her unless she asks me to choose. She includes those items on her grocery list to me.
If i can't understand what something is or i can't find it i let her know so she can substitute or so we can order online.

I like to keep family favorites like lasagne but add in at least 1-2 new meals each month to try. Meal planning saves us money on groceries becuase i know i can use the chicken for 2 meals that week or make a double batch of something on Monday to use again on Friday (like ground beef or homemade chicken stock).
It saves me time becuase i can prep what i can for the week on Sunday since all groceries are bought and i know what i am making all week.
It saves stress during the week because i take into account classes and practices when planning the menu. On game nights we may do Tacos or BLTs and chips. I know that ahead of time so no eating out or rushing to prepare a meal afterward.

It works out great for us and we will keep doing it until it no longer works. I love that the AP cooked one night per week because it was always something from her home country and i loved trying new foods and the kids loved it as well. She loved it because she would skyp with her mom while cooking as her mom was a MUCH better cook than she was and would give her tips/advice during it. You could tell it was a real bonding experience for the both of them and we enjoyed seeing her mom 'teach' her how to cook for us and she enjoyed seeing us enjoy her family recipes.

I am the PP who asked about this! This is amazing, how can you plan for a month?? It seems like it would be hard to do ? How often do you grocery shop? Thanks for sharing this!

For us it is not hard to plan a month in advance, it is actually almost easier than trying to plan each week or day. I do always keep bread for a PB and J on hand or pasta and a jar of sauce for a last minute meal if something changed schedule wise.
Otherwise I start by filling in the days the AP will cook, the days we will eat left overs or order pizza or go out to eat. That leaves around 4 days per week left for me to plan for. I look add in our family favorits about once a month (lasagne, tacos, roast chicken and potatoes, breakfast for dinner) and then pull out my recipe binder and Pinterest board to fill in the rest. I try to minimize cooking when i can so if we are having Roast chicken and potatoes on Monday i will roast 2 and then use one for soup on Friday. I make the stock on Sunday if i have time. Things like that.

I shop on Saturdays and have my list done by Friday morning. That way i can cook on sunday if time and i have groceries for the entire week. Knowing what i need and how much has saved so much time. The AP would give me a list on Thursday of what she wanted for the next week. Becuase we can see ahead what we are making for dinner, she can vary lunches accordiningly. (not have tacos for lunch if scheduled for dinner as well).

It has been a game changer for us.

[Anonymous]

OP, you either have to hire a nanny and a housekeeper, or let some stuff go.

You can't hire someone to be you. I can't believe you try to make AP responsible for your child's OT. My 4yo has sn and does OT also, and speech-I go to all I can but often I can't (work schedule) so my mom takes her-I don't expect her to write down everything or be ME.

Besides that, you need to hire professionals, like I said, or let some things go. Or make some choices in your work life. If I was this AP, I'd leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP: My impression is that this single mom is doing the best she can with the resources she has. Those who don't have a SN child, have a partner to share the responsibilities with, and have professional nanny care should NOT be so critical. We also worked our APs hard, but it was not an impediment to their having a great year, meeting life long friends, and having a strong bond with us and our children that has lasted for decades. That said, if she can free up the AP on most weekends, you'll be giving AP the opportunity to recharge on the weekend which is important.

Then OP needs to make some decisions on what is really important. I mean she got mad at AP for going to Cosco. And she wants her to do laundry while the sn child is having in home ABA. But wants her to relay what happens in the child therapies. And spend hours on meal prep-I have a large family and dont' spend as much time on meals as OP has in her plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP: My impression is that this single mom is doing the best she can with the resources she has. Those who don't have a SN child, have a partner to share the responsibilities with, and have professional nanny care should NOT be so critical. We also worked our APs hard, but it was not an impediment to their having a great year, meeting life long friends, and having a strong bond with us and our children that has lasted for decades. That said, if she can free up the AP on most weekends, you'll be giving AP the opportunity to recharge on the weekend which is important.

Then OP needs to make some decisions on what is really important. I mean she got mad at AP for going to Cosco. And she wants her to do laundry while the sn child is having in home ABA. But wants her to relay what happens in the child therapies. And spend hours on meal prep-I have a large family and dont' spend as much time on meals as OP has in her plan.

OP here. I'm going to clarify a few points where the record needs straightening:

1. AP attends OT appointments 1x per week for 1 hour. She is NOT taking notes for 2 hours as someone suggested upthread. She attends/participates in sessions and brings home a folder that OT gives her with any activities for home spelled out. (She has arranged to go in separately to observe other therapists working with other clients - it's an area of professional interest).

2. Costco. The problem was AP LEFT my child at OT, which is against the rules of the practice, and the requirement for her presence there during session was clearly spelled out to her in 2 languages, in writing, and across 10 prior OT sessions before the incident happened. OT is part of her work time, and she left to do personal shopping (which she's welcome to do on her personal time) and she took my Costco card from the kitchen (which was confiscated by Costco and I now have to replace) without asking me (the card lives in the kitchen, I take it when I need it rather than carry it with me all the time). We had a convo about Costco and I've offered to add her to the family card so she has her own.

3. Laundry during ABA? I'm not sure where ya'll are coming up with some of this stuff, but no, ABA therapy is something AP doesn't participate in (limited language skills render it difficult at this point) nor does she do laundry at that time. What I said was AP has 2 hours per weekday evening (except OT day) when she watches my boys solo. My oldest is in ABA during that time, so she is watching my youngest only. Laundry happens usually in the mornings - she puts her clothes in with my boys clothes (since kid clothes don't usually make up a full load) and hits the button and goes on to something else.

[Anonymous]

And yes, given how some things have been misconstrued I am feeling a bit defensive.

Again, thank you to those who suggested ideas and changes that were helpful.

[Anonymous]

I am still confused as to when AP has time to attend (and yes, participate in) the child’s OT. You have the poor thing running around constantly busy as a stand-in parent.

[Anonymous]

A lot of posters here have over reacted, assumed the worst, and mis-read in facts that were worse still.

But at the end of the day, the job you’re offering sorta sucks. It’s a LOT of extras, maxed out hours, and you haven’t mentioned any real perks. If you can’t make it a better job (more money or less demanding or both), you’re gonna have a bad time.

[Anonymous]

The OP has not commented on my suggestion to have the grandparents involved more often, or more financially. Surely they must know/see you are in a bind? Can they send more money (for a housekeeper?) or can they visit more often (to relieve the AP of some very demanding responsibilities? Flying in frequently for short trips is expensive but what if they came for 2 or more weeks at a time and relieved the AP of 10 or so hours per week for a short time?

When my sister's scumbag ex- husband refused to pay much child support, I went out and got a 2nd job specifically to send her the money. I mention this just to illustrate that someone in the family must be concerned enough to jump in with time, effort, or money. My father put off his retirement for 5 years so he could start a college fund for his grandchild.

I know the OP has sole physical custody, but are the other grandparents allowed to be involved at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: The OP has not commented on my suggestion to have the grandparents involved more often, or more financially. Surely they must know/see you are in a bind? Can they send more money (for a housekeeper?) or can they visit more often (to relieve the AP of some very demanding responsibilities? Flying in frequently for short trips is expensive but what if they came for 2 or more weeks at a time and relieved the AP of 10 or so hours per week for a short time?

When my sister's scumbag ex- husband refused to pay much child support, I went out and got a 2nd job specifically to send her the money. I mention this just to illustrate that someone in the family must be concerned enough to jump in with time, effort, or money. My father put off his retirement for 5 years so he could start a college fund for his grandchild.

I know the OP has sole physical custody, but are the other grandparents allowed to be involved at all?

WOW that is a lot of assumptions you make about OP situation. Some people don't have well off parents and i don't think she need to address every little suggestion she got on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yes, given how some things have been misconstrued I am feeling a bit defensive.

Again, thank you to those who suggested ideas and changes that were helpful.

People offered ideas based on your posts. Most people think your task list is not, in fact, reasonable. I'm sorry that it is likely not what you wanted to hear.