Please tell me if AP task list/hours is reasonable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former au pair here- Hopefullt you are keeping your AP so busy she doesn’t leave the house, because when she does and talks to other PA’s she will learn this is not normal and you are abusing the yatem even if you are ‘within the hours’. Really awful situation for your au pair. Clear example of just wanting cheap labour and not a cultural exchange.

OP is not abusing the system--she is following the rules. If OP made it clear that this is what the situation was from the get go, including matching, then what is the problem?

OP, there is nothing wrong with using 45 hours of work. The remainder of the time is for "cultural exchange". The entitlement expressed by this AP poster is ridiculous.

The 45 hours is not the problem. The micromanaging is, maybe working 3 weekend if it wasn't disclosed. OP is definitely not breaking any rule, however this will also send her straight to multiple rematches if she doesn't adapt.

OP again - OP again.
3 Saturdays per month (for 4 hours each) was in my profile with the AP agency, listed on the proposed work schedule in the application, and disclosed during interviews. I didn't realize it was frowned upon or excessive.

So, Host Families, do you give a task list and tell AP if she gets it all done, no work on Saturdays?

AP has also asked if she can 1. Save all her vacation days until the end of her program time to take in lump then and 2. She wants to go to a wedding next month and wants Thursday-Monday off (I have said yes, although I am in a bind to cover school drop off and pick up those weekdays) but she doesn't want to use vacation days for Thurs, Fri, and Mon - wants to work extra hours to avoid using vacation time. I am pretty sure that's a no - on weeks she isn't hitting 45 hours, she could maybe work an extra 2-3 hours. Would you all recommend I give her the 3 days since she has not had every weekend off?? I would consider it as a one time thing - it's a cousin that is getting married several states away.

She should use at least 1-2 vacation days! That is a a crazy request. Unless she is dropping off the kids on Thursday before she leave and pick them up on Monday. I usually let one day go but 3 days that is not toward her vacations? no.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who suggested you simplify your schedule. regarding the hours, you are following the rule, however your AP will hang out with APs who have way easier schedule so unfortunately that is what you are competing against. As someone who also uses most of my 45 hours/week I make it a bit more manageable by making her only work one weekend / month. I do understand it might no be doable for you so maybe do 2 weekends instead of 3? it is just the reality that she will not be happy working most weekends.

OP - Thank you, PP. Super helpful and I am grateful for the kind and thoughtful response.

We had an AP come over this weekend has a host family with 4 kids all under age 6, including 2 infant twins! I am betting that AP is going full bore.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like you are squeezing every last minute our of your 45 hours. This will bring resentment if there is an idea that you don't actually need all those hours.

Having said that, from what you have posted your kids sound like they are younger than 4 and 6. Why can't they dress themselves? and why are they being read to at breakfast? Do they need constant supervision to play in your yard? if she is sitting outside watching them play while you are in the house I am sure she is frustrated about this.

[Anonymous]

OP, the APs will always compare schedules, and you can never win with that. Believe it or not, I had an AP who was resentful of other APs who had 3 kids and I only have 1 because the 3 kids could play with each other, while my AP had to constantly be "on" with my one child. Very few will have the maturity to reflect on what the nice things are about their situation.

I assume you were upfront with you being a single mom and working 3 weekends a month? If that's the case, it's really on the AP (after you make some tweaks based on the other posters' helpful tips).

All this to say, the right AP is out there

[Anonymous]

Oh, but OP allows her AP to eat without reducing her hours! What a lovely employer you are! OP, your expectations as well as the fact that you are using absolutely every minute of the maximum hours allowed makes you a bad employer. Your needs are greater than what an AP can provide, but your budget clearly isn’t capable. AP will likely (hopefully for her own sanity) leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the APs will always compare schedules, and you can never win with that. Believe it or not, I had an AP who was resentful of other APs who had 3 kids and I only have 1 because the 3 kids could play with each other, while my AP had to constantly be "on" with my one child. Very few will have the maturity to reflect on what the nice things are about their situation.

I assume you were upfront with you being a single mom and working 3 weekends a month? If that's the case, it's really on the AP (after you make some tweaks based on the other posters' helpful tips).

All this to say, the right AP is out there

OP here and thank you. Yes, single mom status was in the first paragraph of my intro letter. I definitely was clear that this was not a second home, frequent vacations, go to Ed Sheeran concerts kind of opportunity.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have the legal right to use 45 hours. And you have the legal right to use 3 Saturdays a month. But if you're asking if other families do the same...at least from the families I know, the answer is no. If you had all of this in your profile and your AP is happy, no harm no foul. But the fact that you've asked for advice suggests she's not happy. And the fact that you think you're being magnanimous by not "counting" the 20 minutes she takes for breakfast suggests you're trying to squeeze her for every minute of the 45 hours, which doesn't exactly seem in the spirit of the program. That's not meant to be mean or snarky -- just meant to give you another perspective.

As for vacation, I would give her the time off as a one-time thing. But that's up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have the legal right to use 45 hours. And you have the legal right to use 3 Saturdays a month. But if you're asking if other families do the same...at least from the families I know, the answer is no. If you had all of this in your profile and your AP is happy, no harm no foul. But the fact that you've asked for advice suggests she's not happy. And the fact that you think you're being magnanimous by not "counting" the 20 minutes she takes for breakfast suggests you're trying to squeeze her for every minute of the 45 hours, which doesn't exactly seem in the spirit of the program. That's not meant to be mean or snarky -- just meant to give you another perspective.

As for vacation, I would give her the time off as a one-time thing. But that's up to you.

OP - she hasn't expressed unhappiness. Yet. I am a first timer and seeking feedback. It's important to me to do a good job. It was a genuine request for feedback (which I think I got in spades!) and I don't know anyone personally who has hosted an au pair.

[Anonymous]

NP.
Single mom here.
Long time host.

Make a list of what needs to be done. Have the AP determine when to do them and give her some freedom.
Be flexible, though, and let changes happen if they don't work.

I ask my au pair to do the kids laundry but at her discretion when, as long as my kids have enough clean clothes.

You can use the weekends, don't let the others scare you off...as long as she has 1.5 days off a week and a full weekend.

As far as the time off....I *would not* allow her to take a long weekend without taking a day or so as PTO. She cannot make up the hours elsewhere without your agreement and cannot go over the 10 hrs a day.

I prefer they take 1 week during 1st 6 months and 1 week during second 6m.

[Anonymous]

If she says she has to go over hours to do everything you ask (and as many many posters have pointed out, there’s no reason to doubt her) then it’s too much. You’re limited to the hours she can work, the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the APs will always compare schedules, and you can never win with that. Believe it or not, I had an AP who was resentful of other APs who had 3 kids and I only have 1 because the 3 kids could play with each other, while my AP had to constantly be "on" with my one child. Very few will have the maturity to reflect on what the nice things are about their situation.

I assume you were upfront with you being a single mom and working 3 weekends a month? If that's the case, it's really on the AP (after you make some tweaks based on the other posters' helpful tips).

All this to say, the right AP is out there

OP here and thank you. Yes, single mom status was in the first paragraph of my intro letter. I definitely was clear that this was not a second home, frequent vacations, go to Ed Sheeran concerts kind of opportunity.

Hi OP, I am the poster that you replied to. During our first year of hosting, our AP consistently worked 45 hrs/week and ususally 1 weekend/month. I was getting over surgery, chemo, etc with a 2 year old and just didn't have the energy at times to lift and bathe. She was a lifesaver and we bonded very well. We still keep in touch. We knew that she was likely working more than her friends--but she did tell us that she appreciated us being organized so that she could just come in and do her thing and not have any surprises. She also appreciated our clarity, car for her personal use, her own bathroom, and feeling like part of the family. We still keep in touch with her (and her parents!).

The two APs that I've had since grumble more--and my child is in pre-school now so they rarely work more than 30 hours.

Once again--it all depends.

[Anonymous]

This is the same AP who didn’t go into the OT appointment, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the same AP who didn’t go into the OT appointment, right?

OP here and yes.

[Anonymous]

OP, I really wish you the best, but I believe you also have a SN child. This on top of your list is really asking for a lot. It is really hard to even get an AP to agree to go to a family with a SN child. The few families I know who have done it have made every other aspect of the APs life easier. More money, less hours, car, extras. You have done the opposite.

So you need to find a way to make your AP's life easier or you are going to lose her and have a hard time finding someone else.

[Anonymous]

Original poster here. So here are the things I might consider perks, private bathroom private entrance basically her own private living area since she has a living room set up outside of her door which we rarely use. gym membership which I pay half of she leaves early two nights per week in order to attend a class in the evenings at the gym that she likes.we are in week 3 of not having grandparents in the house and otherwise she has had someone to go with her shopping or take her around anywhere she wants to go.I think this is been a nice way for her to get to know the area. She also has her US driver's license which may or may not be a perk but it definitely makes her in a stronger position if she chooses to rematch or extend. now that I know what she likes to eat I make sure to buy plenty of spicy Doritos and talways have a personal stash of chocolate available just for her.

I would be very interested to learn what things others consider perks and how you all go about balancing out your au pairs overall set up.