Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the last update I gave DCUM was that soon to be ex husband moved out in October. He moved a couple blocks away, we put a lot of effort into a smooth and cohesive transition for the kids. Kids have been thriving 90%, our 7yo has started to get some anxiety about going back to school again. I don't thin it's divorce related, but on the radar none the less.

Then in June he got a DUI. He is going to lose his license for 9 months beginning in November. This is costing a lot of money and going to force a restructuring of driving logistics for the kids. He will apply for a permit to drive them to/from school, but I do not want them to all of a sudden not be able to do activities, playdates, outings, etc.

I was justttt starting to wrap my brain around options for that. He has not drank since the dui, upped his therapy to twice a week, started running everyday, became more communicative with me, his family/friends and generally spent this summer getting his sh-t together.

He just called me sobbing that he got laid off this morning. He made $200k, I just got a major promotion two weeks ago up to $130k and was SO pumped to beef up my retirement, kids 529s, and generally be less financially stressed. He is getting 6 weeks severance. We are all on his health insurance, my job doesn't offer it at all. He already drained his half of our savings from the dui.

I cannot afford the house, his rent, all utilities, his dui, childcare, etc etc etc.

I have spent a year really building an independent life for myself. I have put SO MUCH into the kids stability and being a great mom and therapy and professional development and not letting the dissolution of my life eat me alive.

This is not top priority at all but I have been dating someone absolutely wonderful since December and I was so looking forward to steadily progressing that relationship.

What do I do now? Kids stability and financial stability need to be prioritized.
I have an inlaw suite in my basement. Do I tell him to break his lease and move in there (his rent + utilities are $2200/m)? How would this affect the kids after they are doing great with all the transitions we've had this past year? It would absolutely put my mental health in the gutter to have to share a living space with him. I want to die thinking of having a non-working, non-driving ex living in my basement and sharing all living spaces.

Do I try to rent my basement to someone else? It is not a legal rental but maybe could airbnb or find a friend of a friend under the table thing.

Do I pull our little one out of daycare? ($1700/m) She is 4.5yo and really loves it there.

Do I tell him to figure it out and I'm done? Our divorce should be final in a couple months and if I owe him alimony and child support, I won't be able to keep the house.

Your priority should be health insurance for you and the children - check the ACA. Your response to him should be a cal, cool, "and what do you intend to do next?"

His rent, his health insurance is not your problem. Let him clean up this mess, and you take care of you and the kids. When he gets it sorted, without your help, they'll see him again, but for now, "daddy has some things to work out, and we're starting school, so that's our focus."

If they have a temporary custody agreement, OP can't just withhold the kids from him. She can (and let's be real, she probably should) ask him not to drive the kids anywhere, given his recent DUI. Figure out a way for him to see the kids that doesn't require using him as their driver.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The history, for anyone who doesn't know it

Hi, it's me, vacation wife. STBXH got a DUI mid-divorce- now what?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1280637.page

Vacation wife here. 4 month update
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1130437.page

Original post/thread:
Talk me off a ledge- other side of the world and just discovered cheating
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1103665.page

OMFG. Stop starting multiple threads. No, we are not going to go through and click on all those links are read them.

Start ONE thread, and then update the FIRST thread.

You focus on supporting yourself and your kids. NO you do not let your loser husband move back in. HE handles that. You do NOT give him child support and alimony. Get a good lawyer WHO REPRESENTS YOU ONLY if you don't have one. Don't fall for that amicable mediation crap.

And stop starting multiple threads on the same topic.

In OP's defense she did not post the older threads (I did), and the original thread is now locked. I only posted them in case someone wanted to read the original post in each thread to get the backstory.

I actually like OP posting a new thread. Otherwise you'd get people who only read the first post and then comment. Instead of people reading the last post.

Most Dcum regulars easily remembered vacation wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The history, for anyone who doesn't know it

Hi, it's me, vacation wife. STBXH got a DUI mid-divorce- now what?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1280637.page

Vacation wife here. 4 month update
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1130437.page

Original post/thread:
Talk me off a ledge- other side of the world and just discovered cheating
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1103665.page

OMFG. Stop starting multiple threads. No, we are not going to go through and click on all those links are read them.

Start ONE thread, and then update the FIRST thread.

You focus on supporting yourself and your kids. NO you do not let your loser husband move back in. HE handles that. You do NOT give him child support and alimony. Get a good lawyer WHO REPRESENTS YOU ONLY if you don't have one. Don't fall for that amicable mediation crap.

And stop starting multiple threads on the same topic.

In OP's defense she did not post the older threads (I did), and the original thread is now locked. I only posted them in case someone wanted to read the original post in each thread to get the backstory.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the last update I gave DCUM was that soon to be ex husband moved out in October. He moved a couple blocks away, we put a lot of effort into a smooth and cohesive transition for the kids. Kids have been thriving 90%, our 7yo has started to get some anxiety about going back to school again. I don't thin it's divorce related, but on the radar none the less.

Then in June he got a DUI. He is going to lose his license for 9 months beginning in November. This is costing a lot of money and going to force a restructuring of driving logistics for the kids. He will apply for a permit to drive them to/from school, but I do not want them to all of a sudden not be able to do activities, playdates, outings, etc.

I was justttt starting to wrap my brain around options for that. He has not drank since the dui, upped his therapy to twice a week, started running everyday, became more communicative with me, his family/friends and generally spent this summer getting his sh-t together.

He just called me sobbing that he got laid off this morning. He made $200k, I just got a major promotion two weeks ago up to $130k and was SO pumped to beef up my retirement, kids 529s, and generally be less financially stressed. He is getting 6 weeks severance. We are all on his health insurance, my job doesn't offer it at all. He already drained his half of our savings from the dui.

I cannot afford the house, his rent, all utilities, his dui, childcare, etc etc etc.

I have spent a year really building an independent life for myself. I have put SO MUCH into the kids stability and being a great mom and therapy and professional development and not letting the dissolution of my life eat me alive.

This is not top priority at all but I have been dating someone absolutely wonderful since December and I was so looking forward to steadily progressing that relationship.

What do I do now? Kids stability and financial stability need to be prioritized.
I have an inlaw suite in my basement. Do I tell him to break his lease and move in there (his rent + utilities are $2200/m)? How would this affect the kids after they are doing great with all the transitions we've had this past year? It would absolutely put my mental health in the gutter to have to share a living space with him. I want to die thinking of having a non-working, non-driving ex living in my basement and sharing all living spaces.

Do I try to rent my basement to someone else? It is not a legal rental but maybe could airbnb or find a friend of a friend under the table thing.

Do I pull our little one out of daycare? ($1700/m) She is 4.5yo and really loves it there.

Do I tell him to figure it out and I'm done? Our divorce should be final in a couple months and if I owe him alimony and child support, I won't be able to keep the house.

Your priority should be health insurance for you and the children - check the ACA. Your response to him should be a cal, cool, "and what do you intend to do next?"

His rent, his health insurance is not your problem. Let him clean up this mess, and you take care of you and the kids. When he gets it sorted, without your help, they'll see him again, but for now, "daddy has some things to work out, and we're starting school, so that's our focus."

If they have a temporary custody agreement, OP can't just withhold the kids from him. She can (and let's be real, she probably should) ask him not to drive the kids anywhere, given his recent DUI. Figure out a way for him to see the kids that doesn't require using him as their driver.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the last update I gave DCUM was that soon to be ex husband moved out in October. He moved a couple blocks away, we put a lot of effort into a smooth and cohesive transition for the kids. Kids have been thriving 90%, our 7yo has started to get some anxiety about going back to school again. I don't thin it's divorce related, but on the radar none the less.

Then in June he got a DUI. He is going to lose his license for 9 months beginning in November. This is costing a lot of money and going to force a restructuring of driving logistics for the kids. He will apply for a permit to drive them to/from school, but I do not want them to all of a sudden not be able to do activities, playdates, outings, etc.

I was justttt starting to wrap my brain around options for that. He has not drank since the dui, upped his therapy to twice a week, started running everyday, became more communicative with me, his family/friends and generally spent this summer getting his sh-t together.

He just called me sobbing that he got laid off this morning. He made $200k, I just got a major promotion two weeks ago up to $130k and was SO pumped to beef up my retirement, kids 529s, and generally be less financially stressed. He is getting 6 weeks severance. We are all on his health insurance, my job doesn't offer it at all. He already drained his half of our savings from the dui.

I cannot afford the house, his rent, all utilities, his dui, childcare, etc etc etc.

I have spent a year really building an independent life for myself. I have put SO MUCH into the kids stability and being a great mom and therapy and professional development and not letting the dissolution of my life eat me alive.

This is not top priority at all but I have been dating someone absolutely wonderful since December and I was so looking forward to steadily progressing that relationship.

What do I do now? Kids stability and financial stability need to be prioritized.
I have an inlaw suite in my basement. Do I tell him to break his lease and move in there (his rent + utilities are $2200/m)? How would this affect the kids after they are doing great with all the transitions we've had this past year? It would absolutely put my mental health in the gutter to have to share a living space with him. I want to die thinking of having a non-working, non-driving ex living in my basement and sharing all living spaces.

Do I try to rent my basement to someone else? It is not a legal rental but maybe could airbnb or find a friend of a friend under the table thing.

Do I pull our little one out of daycare? ($1700/m) She is 4.5yo and really loves it there.

Do I tell him to figure it out and I'm done? Our divorce should be final in a couple months and if I owe him alimony and child support, I won't be able to keep the house.

Your priority should be health insurance for you and the children - check the ACA. Your response to him should be a cal, cool, "and what do you intend to do next?"

His rent, his health insurance is not your problem. Let him clean up this mess, and you take care of you and the kids. When he gets it sorted, without your help, they'll see him again, but for now, "daddy has some things to work out, and we're starting school, so that's our focus."

Anonymous wrote:I believe the last update I gave DCUM was that soon to be ex husband moved out in October. He moved a couple blocks away, we put a lot of effort into a smooth and cohesive transition for the kids. Kids have been thriving 90%, our 7yo has started to get some anxiety about going back to school again. I don't thin it's divorce related, but on the radar none the less.

Then in June he got a DUI. He is going to lose his license for 9 months beginning in November. This is costing a lot of money and going to force a restructuring of driving logistics for the kids. He will apply for a permit to drive them to/from school, but I do not want them to all of a sudden not be able to do activities, playdates, outings, etc.

I was justttt starting to wrap my brain around options for that. He has not drank since the dui, upped his therapy to twice a week, started running everyday, became more communicative with me, his family/friends and generally spent this summer getting his sh-t together.

He just called me sobbing that he got laid off this morning. He made $200k, I just got a major promotion two weeks ago up to $130k and was SO pumped to beef up my retirement, kids 529s, and generally be less financially stressed. He is getting 6 weeks severance. We are all on his health insurance, my job doesn't offer it at all. He already drained his half of our savings from the dui.

I cannot afford the house, his rent, all utilities, his dui, childcare, etc etc etc.

I have spent a year really building an independent life for myself. I have put SO MUCH into the kids stability and being a great mom and therapy and professional development and not letting the dissolution of my life eat me alive.

This is not top priority at all but I have been dating someone absolutely wonderful since December and I was so looking forward to steadily progressing that relationship.

What do I do now? Kids stability and financial stability need to be prioritized.
I have an inlaw suite in my basement. Do I tell him to break his lease and move in there (his rent + utilities are $2200/m)? How would this affect the kids after they are doing great with all the transitions we've had this past year? It would absolutely put my mental health in the gutter to have to share a living space with him. I want to die thinking of having a non-working, non-driving ex living in my basement and sharing all living spaces.

Do I try to rent my basement to someone else? It is not a legal rental but maybe could airbnb or find a friend of a friend under the table thing.

Do I pull our little one out of daycare? ($1700/m) She is 4.5yo and really loves it there.

Do I tell him to figure it out and I'm done? Our divorce should be final in a couple months and if I owe him alimony and child support, I won't be able to keep the house.

Anonymous wrote:Any sense, OP, if this was a true layoff (lots of folks getting downsized) or targeted to him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus.

DON'T START A NEW THREAD. UPDATE THE OLD ONE.

No one knows what the hell you are talking about and no one wants to go back a search for an old thread.

Lots of us know who this is.

Anonymous wrote:Jesus.

DON'T START A NEW THREAD. UPDATE THE OLD ONE.

No one knows what the hell you are talking about and no one wants to go back a search for an old thread.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.