Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The history, for anyone who doesn't know it

Hi, it's me, vacation wife. STBXH got a DUI mid-divorce- now what?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1280637.page

Vacation wife here. 4 month update
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1130437.page

Original post/thread:
Talk me off a ledge- other side of the world and just discovered cheating
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1103665.page

OMFG. Stop starting multiple threads. No, we are not going to go through and click on all those links are read them.

Start ONE thread, and then update the FIRST thread.

You focus on supporting yourself and your kids. NO you do not let your loser husband move back in. HE handles that. You do NOT give him child support and alimony. Get a good lawyer WHO REPRESENTS YOU ONLY if you don't have one. Don't fall for that amicable mediation crap.

And stop starting multiple threads on the same topic.

In OP's defense she did not post the older threads (I did), and the original thread is now locked. I only posted them in case someone wanted to read the original post in each thread to get the backstory.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.

You'll need to cross that bridge when you get to it instead of immediately jumping to him moving back in.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.

If you’re in the DMV public transportation is cheap. But also, you could be ordered to do all of the driving through his suspension. If I were you I’d try to problem solve this in a way that was amenable to me. It will never be ideal.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- his family lives in a different state.

None of our extended family has money.

Perfect, he can move to that state and give you full custody.

Given your income and mortgage you should be fine. Money will be tight but you can take care of you and your kids.

First priority is finding health insurance. Second is figuring out logistics. You have two months before his license suspension. But time goes fast.

And let your STBX figure out his own life.

OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.

Exhibit A for FAFO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt he will be awarded child support and alimony. He will sort himself out. You probably do need to downsize as most divorced families downsize from the family home.

There is no downsizing. My mortgage for a 5bd/2ba home in our great school district is $2300/m at 2.95%. I couldn't even rent a 2bd/1ba for that now.

You're going to be okay. Are you legally separate? If so, why did you drain any savings on HIS DUI? Your responsibility now is to your kids, and the best thing for them is obviously to keep your current mortgage $2300/month.

If he doesn't have a job by the time of the divorce plus he doesn't get as much custody due to the DUI, you aren't going to owe much if any child support. At minimum, he'll have imputed income for calculation purposes.

You 100% need to prioritize your kids now, keep all your money separate, follow your lawyer's advice, and let him lie in the bed he made.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- his family lives in a different state.

None of our extended family has money.

Again, not your problem. He has severance and can hustle and find ways to make money. You're divorcing him. Stop treating him like a child.

This x1000000000000
He is NOT your responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- his family lives in a different state.

None of our extended family has money.

Again, not your problem. He has severance and can hustle and find ways to make money. You're divorcing him. Stop treating him like a child.

+1. It is not your job to figure out his finances or to rent/give him a place to live. My brother spiraled during and after his divorce, including losing his job and getting a DUI. You need to focus on getting insurance for you and your kids and working out any logistical issues (assume he cannot help at all and if he can that will be a bonus).

Anonymous wrote:I doubt he will be awarded child support and alimony. He will sort himself out. You probably do need to downsize as most divorced families downsize from the family home.

There is no downsizing. My mortgage for a 5bd/2ba home in our great school district is $2300/m at 2.95%. I couldn't even rent a 2bd/1ba for that now.

Chiming in to agree with others that now that you are separated, his rent/utilities, legal fees are not your problem. Focus on getting health insurance for you and your kids and figuring out a driving schedule/carpools for your kids. He is a grown adult and can figure out his life.

Jesus.

DON'T START A NEW THREAD. UPDATE THE OLD ONE.

No one knows what the hell you are talking about and no one wants to go back a search for an old thread.

"I cannot afford the house, his rent, all utilities, his dui, childcare, etc etc etc."

Do not pay for those things. He needs to figure those things out.

I doubt he will be awarded child support and alimony. He will sort himself out. You probably do need to downsize as most divorced families downsize from the family home.