Anonymous
01/07/2025 23:10
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
23:06 poster here - I say this because you all seem hell bent on keeping the cabin. The best option is to sell now. But if you all love the crazy HELOC plan, go ahead with it - but I wouldn’t worry about the part after MIL dies & you are splitting expenses 3 ways, because a lot can happen before you even get there.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 23:06
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Anonymous wrote:My issue is that I'm not on the will. We are equal income earners, and our contributions will likely go out once his mother passes away to around $750-900/month.
I remember your posts.
It seems like you have the personality/tendency to want to look ahead into the future & figure out how everything should go.
You are now projecting when MIL will die, and how much you & DH will be contributing to the cabin very specifically ( $750-900 a month).
I think you are getting ahead of this unnecessarily. MIL could live in AL for 10, 20 years (ask me how I know). So many things can, & will, change in the next year, 5 years, 10 years - for her, you all, the sister & brother, the property, etc.
If you are ok with the $150 monthly now, pay it. Cross the $750/900 bridge when you get there. My advice - This may all be sand in the hourglass, so don’t get too set on any plan.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:56
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Unless the cabin can generate income to cover the HELOC this sounds like a really dumb plan. Has anyone talked with an estate planner or financial advisor? AL is so costly and MIL only has 400kish? Someone needs to be considering Medicaid lookback and possibly selling now. What if MIL doesn’t die in 3-4 years? Sorry to be blunt or seem as if I’m wishing death on her, but these are things you have to consider. Who is going to pay for her AL and SNF if she lives 10 years?
The whole saga strains credulity with all the twists and turns about siblings getting a deal/not getting a deal. IDK. If you’re real you need to tell your husband no joint assets go into this asinine plan, and if there’s a better plan, and it involves your money you need a post-nuptial agreement immediately.
The whole saga strains credulity with all the twists and turns about siblings getting a deal/not getting a deal. IDK. If you’re real you need to tell your husband no joint assets go into this asinine plan, and if there’s a better plan, and it involves your money you need a post-nuptial agreement immediately.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:43
Subject: Re:It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
So what if you say no? Can’t your DH decide to do it anyway?
This all sounds bad both financially and for your relationship.
This all sounds bad both financially and for your relationship.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:43
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Anonymous wrote:My MIL is finally moving into Assisted Living after falling nearly every day. She owns a cabin that is valued at roughly 300-400K. My husband states his sister (POA) will take out a HELOC on the cabin to pay for AL. The cabin is willed to the three siblings, and DH said we would be expected to contribute a nominal amount to utilities and property taxes ($150/month), which is acceptable and fair to me.
However, when his mother dies, DH will inherit anywhere from 10 K to 100 K of debt. Depending on the equity left, we will have to keep contributing costs towards the cabin.
My issue is that I'm not on the will. We are equal income earners, and our contributions will likely go out once his mother passes away to around $750-900/month. I do not want to contribute joint income towards a real estate asset to which only one of us has a legal entitlement. We don't have a huge budget right now for extras, and it's coming out of our "extra" leftover money at the end of the month, which I usually put into savings.
Am I a PITA if I say I do not want to contribute joint income towards the cabin if I am not included in the ownership?
You do not inherit debt. Do not agree to anything. If they take a loan the house gets sold in probate and used to pay debt. Any remaining debt gets wiped out.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:41
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I’m not clear on the situation. The cabin is owned outright currently, yes? There are no other assets? The plan is to keep the cabin in the family. Would the other siblings buy your dh out?
OP here:
Sorry, I’m not clear on the situation
- DH wants us to contribute to a property he will inherit. In my state, inheritance or gifts are not subject to community property. I am uncomfortable contributing household income to a real property I will have zero entitlement to if we divorce.
The cabin is owned outright currently, yes?
- Owned outright - yes.
There are no other assets?
- MIL has maybe 30K in savings, which will go quickly with 12K of move-in costs.
Would the other siblings buy your dh out?
- No. One is flat broke and unsure how even he would afford the ongoing costs.
No loan as someone has to pay it back. No paying for the house expenses as he does not own the house and it will have to be sold to pay the loan. Sell the house to pay for assisted living and then she goes onto a Medicaid nursing home bed.
You should not be in the will.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:37
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
There is no there there. The cabin will be a negative asset. The HELOC money will be used for mil care. Then it has to be paid off. Cabin has upkeep. Siblings are stupid sentimental about this dog of an asset
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:31
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Sell the cabin.
What is the heloc rate?
This is likely too expensive an option to pay her care.
What is the heloc rate?
This is likely too expensive an option to pay her care.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:31
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Anonymous wrote:They need to sell the cabin and use that to pay for her care. None of you can afford to keep the place.
Agree.
This is a family asset that will be utilized for family members (MIL care) and should be supported by family members with financial interest in the property.
Not by in-laws who have no financial stake in the asset's outcome (OP).
Your DH and his family has to get their logic straight on this NOW so they can clearly understand whether they want to drain themselves propping up this asset that will have problems partitioning in an equitable manner.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:28
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
The siblings need to buy the cabin outright. It can be at a reduced rate. She can use the proceeds to pay for AL, and anything leftover can be inherited.
This would make your share of the cabin subject to community property and no one inherits debt.
Come up with a fantastic ownership agreement though, outlining who pays what when, what the “house rules” are, who has access when, how major decisions are made, and what happens if someone wants out of the family cabin.
This would make your share of the cabin subject to community property and no one inherits debt.
Come up with a fantastic ownership agreement though, outlining who pays what when, what the “house rules” are, who has access when, how major decisions are made, and what happens if someone wants out of the family cabin.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:23
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just update the current thread??? I find this is annoying. I have no idea what you are talking about. Why do people think people remember and read every single detail on their posts from six months ago.
First post, I think: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1174345.page
Later one: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1199082.page
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:23
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Sounds like the sister wants it and can afford her share. What happens with the brother who can't afford it can't pay?
I'm guessing DH and his brother are being railroaded by their sister.
I'm guessing DH and his brother are being railroaded by their sister.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:21
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They need to sell the cabin and use that to pay for her care. None of you can afford to keep the place.
OP here - I wish they would sell it!
They are delusional if they think they can keep the cabin while she’s in assisted living. The HELOC payments are paying for her care, not for the cabin.
This question is not really relevant, I’m just curious, but are they sentimentally attached to the cabin, or do they want to keep it because that’s what FIL wanted for them? Was it a place they went as children and they have memories of it?
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:19
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Why didn't you just update the current thread??? I find this is annoying. I have no idea what you are talking about. Why do people think people remember and read every single detail on their posts from six months ago.
Anonymous
01/07/2025 22:16
Subject: It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.
Anonymous wrote:They need to sell the cabin and use that to pay for her care. None of you can afford to keep the place.
This.