Is there anyone who really struggles with parenting and doesn't enjoy it?
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Anonymous
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The Sweet Spot is when they're both in elementary school. They still think you're the best thing ever, and aren't snarky or talking back. You're not having to change diapers, clean up after them as much, buckle them and get them in and out of the car and more.
When they hit about fifth grade or middle school, it gets hard again. Different issues, friendships, and eventually, sex and drugs. |
Anonymous
| We all feel this way sometimes. But OP, why do you feel like you have to arrange activities for your kids? Why can’t they learn to just be on their own and play together or alone at home? You do your cchildren a disservice if you don’t let them get bored and figure out how to be creative. Those are the times they learn the most. Structured stuff is for school. |
Anonymous
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NP, my kid is a toddler and has been sleeping through the night for about 8 months but he gets up between 6:30 - 7 everyday. I hate it. I hate it.
I used to get up at 7:30 with plenty of time to get to work (my commute is 15 min. door to desk) and get up 9-10 am on the weekends. I really miss sleeping in and am perpetually tired even though I go to be an hour earlier than I used to. I just figure this is part of parenting for a while but its a constant struggle for me. |
Anonymous
I like them now that they’re not babies. But I still don’t really want to do kid stuff. They have friends (and each other for that) to do kid stuff with. |
jsmith123
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OP I don't think what you're saying is abnormal at all. I read some well-regarded parenting book (I forgot which one though) that basically says no parent should be at home for most of the day with small children.
Over time I have discovered that what works for me is the following: 1) Outside whenever possible. A walk to a neighborhood book house. Geo caching. A playground. A hike. Whatever. Anything outdoors is better than indoors. 2) When we are stuck indoors, I do stuff around the house, and the kids either start entertaining themselves, or they help me. Things like laundry, cooking, etc. If they say they're bored, I can say "Oh great! Come help with dinner" and then either come help, or find something else to do 
Example: Last weekend when it was raining, I reorganized a closet and the kids were super entertained by the random crap I found in the closet, while I got my project done. |
Anonymous
| I agree that this is normal for many op so don’t beat yourself up, but I agree with trying to do less of the things you don’t like, and more of the things you do. Drop being class mom if it doesn’t bring you joy, head outside even in bad weather so you don’t have to come up with activities. I also don’t love playing and hate planning activities or doing any kind of craft - so I straight up don’t do it. I just do child led play and outside as much as possible. I’m also reading “how to be a happier parent” which someone actually recommended here on dcum and you may enjoy as well. Generally I would say many of us feel the relief at bedtime!! Totally normal so cut yourself some slack and try to do more of what you find joyful in parenting (like if working full time would make you happier, do it! Your kids will still be great, working part time can be especially hard because you’re having to do both each day at higher levels) |
Anonymous
Thanks. That’s making me feel better about my kids playing with each other without me involved. |
Anonymous
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I recently read Hunt Gather Parent and found it really helpful. Now my two little ones are my helpers in training. It also has great advice on teaching emotional regulation skills and allowing autonomy even at a very young age.
What it most helped me with is understanding why American parents are so miserable even compared to other WEIRD nations and what we can reasonably do to make that better. |
Anonymous
| How old are your kids? I felt this way until they hit about 6 and then I really started to enjoy them. Just depends on the state. The infant, toddler & preschool years were a BEAR (I have twins). I am so much more relaxed now that they are older and really enjoy them. Early parenting is very physically and mentally taxing. |
Anonymous
Also, I did not enjoying playing with my kids. I'm glad they played with each other. When they wanted to play with me, I would do 5 minutes, then re-direct. Also, try to outsource some of the stuff that is driving you nuts. If you don't like playing, get neighborhood teen to come over for a couple hours a week and play with them. Or do a meal service. Or whatever it is making you crazy, outsource as much of it as possible. |
Anonymous
| I don’t like playing either. I basically read books nonstop and spend all day outside. As a result, my kids were super early readers, are relatively slim and can name a lot of plants and birds. I guess it could be worse? I am anxious too, so I understand how it feels, OP. Maybe you’re a perfectionist. |
Anonymous
+1. Historically families lived near many others and kids could run around and play with each other all day, or older siblings and relatives helped to watch the youngest children. |
Anonymous
You are awful. I'm happy that your kids have their dad, nanny and school. |
Anonymous
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I don't like playing with my kids either. I love watching them play. I like "playing" with babies and little toddlers for a little bit but not all day. But no, I think kids 3+ are really meant to be playing with other kids and not adults.
Also, everyone, no matter what they do all day, loves "the end" of the day. Even people who have super cool, fulfilling jobs are happy when the day is done and they can relax a little. |
Anonymous
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I don’t enjoy playing, either. Phone that part in. There is nothing that says one must play with their kids to be a good mother. I also enjoy being on the go with them much more than downtime where I play dolls. I am surprised if there are adults who feel differently. Here is what I do like to do when home:
Cook/bake with the kids Read Watch a movie Just sit around and talk (for older kids) Art stuff I do enjoy magnatiles. But pretending I am an elephant? No thanks. |