Is there anyone who really struggles with parenting and doesn't enjoy it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a reason I work full time, and it's not for the income. I DO like them better when they hit about 3-4. Toilet trained completely, naps not needed, can talk, etc.

DH is the main parent and we have an amazing nanny. I volunteer once a year per kid. I don't really play any pretend games. I'll read with them, and if there's a game with rules sometimes I'll play that. But that's like once a week. I go in to sit with each and talk a bit before bed.

You are not alone. I love my kids but don't love spending time with them.

You are awful. I'm happy that your kids have their dad, nanny and school.

Oh please. I'm not awful at all. I'm just not interested in being silly or playing pretend.

[Anonymous]

OP you aren’t awful, just honest. I think a lot of parents lie to themselves. Does your spouse help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean this in a snarky way at all, I'm trying to be helpful here but...is it possible you would enjoy parenting more if you did less of it? You don't need to be PTA President etc to be a good parent. Maybe dial it back a bit and you can find joy in smaller ways.

I feel this. Burn out is real, this is helpful.

[Anonymous]

That's what playpens are for. Mom sits reading her newspaper or magazine quietly within sight of the toddler, to whom she coos when necessary.

[Anonymous]

jsmith123 wrote:OP I don't think what you're saying is abnormal at all. I read some well-regarded parenting book (I forgot which one though) that basically says no parent should be at home for most of the day with small children.

Over time I have discovered that what works for me is the following:

1) Outside whenever possible. A walk to a neighborhood book house. Geo caching. A playground. A hike. Whatever. Anything outdoors is better than indoors.
2) When we are stuck indoors, I do stuff around the house, and the kids either start entertaining themselves, or they help me. Things like laundry, cooking, etc. If they say they're bored, I can say "Oh great! Come help with dinner" and then either come help, or find something else to do

Example: Last weekend when it was raining, I reorganized a closet and the kids were super entertained by the random crap I found in the closet, while I got my project done.

+1 Did I write this? No, I know I didn't, because I still haven't organized my closet! But, ditto on the rest.

[Anonymous]

jsmith123 wrote:OP I don't think what you're saying is abnormal at all. I read some well-regarded parenting book (I forgot which one though) that basically says no parent should be at home for most of the day with small children.

Over time I have discovered that what works for me is the following:

1) Outside whenever possible. A walk to a neighborhood book house. Geo caching. A playground. A hike. Whatever. Anything outdoors is better than indoors.
2) When we are stuck indoors, I do stuff around the house, and the kids either start entertaining themselves, or they help me. Things like laundry, cooking, etc. If they say they're bored, I can say "Oh great! Come help with dinner" and then either come help, or find something else to do

Example: Last weekend when it was raining, I reorganized a closet and the kids were super entertained by the random crap I found in the closet, while I got my project done.

This is the best advice on the thread. I find playing with my kids is boring.

I try to get us outside where I can be active with them. If we are indoors, I find productive things to do so that I am available and present with them and I let them play.

I also work full-time.

[Anonymous]

jsmith123 wrote:OP I don't think what you're saying is abnormal at all. I read some well-regarded parenting book (I forgot which one though) that basically says no parent should be at home for most of the day with small children.

Over time I have discovered that what works for me is the following:

1) Outside whenever possible. A walk to a neighborhood book house. Geo caching. A playground. A hike. Whatever. Anything outdoors is better than indoors.
2) When we are stuck indoors, I do stuff around the house, and the kids either start entertaining themselves, or they help me. Things like laundry, cooking, etc. If they say they're bored, I can say "Oh great! Come help with dinner" and then either come help, or find something else to do

Example: Last weekend when it was raining, I reorganized a closet and the kids were super entertained by the random crap I found in the closet, while I got my project done.

I think it might have been "The Gardener and the Carpenter" which was very good but I didn't finish because, well, kids. But the thesis is that for all of human history kids learned by just hanging out and observing. Many other cultures around the world still raise children like this. We don't need to entertain them and in fact do them a disservice by doing so.

It's hard but I'm trying to be better at just telling them to find something to do while I do my own thing. Only boring people get bored!

[Anonymous]

OP I think it sounds like you're kicking ass at parenting--you just don't like imaginative play! Those are two really different things. I love being a parent but am just not into imaginative play. My husband is awesome at it for the most part so on weekends I let him do it. I'll take the kids outside, come up with fun activities, bake, read, do a craft, snuggle and watch a show but just detest long stretches of being indoors when they're expecting me to play with them and pretend to be a puppy or a kitty or some weird Pokemon or whatever. I'll generally do it for a minute or two and then find a way to slip out. And they seem fine! My absence from their playtime makes them use their imaginations more, do more child-led activities, and become better at independent play. I honestly think this is better for them--or maybe I just tell myself that but I know they'll be fine. My mom basically never played with us but she was an awesome mom!

[Anonymous]

I spent 90 minutes at a playground this morning with my 2 yo (whom I adore) putting her in a swing, pushing her for a few minutes, taking her out and putting her in the other swing, pushing her for a few minutes, and repeating that over, and over, and over (okay she did go down the slide a few times in there somewhere). No adult would actually legitimately enjoy this. But the weather was nice and there were some nice moments. It's the sort of thing I enjoy after the fact? But I don't like, savor every moment of repetitive play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are raised but when they were young I never played with them. I did not like kids games and toys so, although we provided them for the kids, I did not participate. It's much better if your kids learn how to entertain themselves and play with each other or other kids. My husband did sometimes enjoy playing with the kids so that was nice for him and them, I guess. I do not feel they suffered in any way because I didn't play with them.

Not trying to be snarky, what made you want to have kids if you don’t enjoy spending time with them? Was it just when they were little? How did you handle the teen years? What is your relationship like now w your kids?

You have a very intriguing situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy parenting, and miss the toddler years. It does get easier after 5 or so.

Me too. It was not easy but I really miss those years. Have one about to leave for college, I am trying to put on a brave face but I know I am gonna be an emotional basket case when august rolls around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP, my kid is a toddler and has been sleeping through the night for about 8 months but he gets up between 6:30 - 7 everyday. I hate it. I hate it.

I used to get up at 7:30 with plenty of time to get to work (my commute is 15 min. door to desk) and get up 9-10 am on the weekends. I really miss sleeping in and am perpetually tired even though I go to be an hour earlier than I used to. I just figure this is part of parenting for a while but its a constant struggle for me.

This part will get better!!