Is there anyone who really struggles with parenting and doesn't enjoy it?

[Anonymous]

I love my children to death. They are my world and I am a very involved mom, volunteering often as a class mom, stay home with them part time, affectionate + warm with them, but I absolutely hate parenting. I find it suffocating, I don't really like "playing", I don't feel very good at it, I try hard but it doesn't come naturally... I have 2 kids. I'm obviously dedicated. But I just don't like doing it. The end of the day when they are in their pajamas and going in for the late night hugs is the best part. Anyone else in the same boat?

Does it get better when they get older?

[Anonymous]

I don't mean this in a snarky way at all, I'm trying to be helpful here but...is it possible you would enjoy parenting more if you did less of it? You don't need to be PTA President etc to be a good parent. Maybe dial it back a bit and you can find joy in smaller ways.

[Anonymous]

Yep, it gets much much better after 5 years. I was the same and my job saved me mentally. My kids are older now and we've always had a close and loving relationship, but mothering was such sisyphean work and I often felt that I had no idea what I was doing. I also think that our generation is agonizing about child raising so much more than the prior ones.

[Anonymous]

I have days like this but I realize that I am responsible for raising a good human and even things I love doing I sometimes hate.

This may not be a good season for you personally or as a mother. It okay to not relish being "on" all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean this in a snarky way at all, I'm trying to be helpful here but...is it possible you would enjoy parenting more if you did less of it? You don't need to be PTA President etc to be a good parent. Maybe dial it back a bit and you can find joy in smaller ways.

That part of parenting is fine and anytime we are on the go and it's active. It's the long stretches that I feel like I need to set up activities for them after preschool and just want to default to the tv because I don't want to play or come up with activities. When the weather is bad, it's the worst. I'm hoping as they get older they will entertain themselves more. Also dealing with the attitudes and figuring out the best course of action when they are misbehaving is draining.

[Anonymous]

It's great that you're so involved with your kids.

Throwing out some ideas here: What are the things that you enjoy doing? If you like highly stimulating activities, maybe parenting is not as exciting for you.

I'm not saying that you have a mental health issue, but people with depression or ADHD may be less likely to find certain things enjoyable. Is that a possibility?

Did you want to have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's great that you're so involved with your kids.

Throwing out some ideas here: What are the things that you enjoy doing? If you like highly stimulating activities, maybe parenting is not as exciting for you.

I'm not saying that you have a mental health issue, but people with depression or ADHD may be less likely to find certain things enjoyable. Is that a possibility?

Did you want to have kids?

Yes, I have severe anxiety. You wouldn't know it if you met me. I am in therapy and meds.

I enjoy socializing with other parents + kids mostly. I don't love home time at all.

[Anonymous]

You're not a cruise director. Don't entertain them. You will be doing them a service in the long run.

[Anonymous]

There's a reason I work full time, and it's not for the income. I DO like them better when they hit about 3-4. Toilet trained completely, naps not needed, can talk, etc.

DH is the main parent and we have an amazing nanny. I volunteer once a year per kid. I don't really play any pretend games. I'll read with them, and if there's a game with rules sometimes I'll play that. But that's like once a week. I go in to sit with each and talk a bit before bed.

You are not alone. I love my kids but don't love spending time with them.

[Anonymous]

My kids are raised but when they were young I never played with them. I did not like kids games and toys so, although we provided them for the kids, I did not participate. It's much better if your kids learn how to entertain themselves and play with each other or other kids. My husband did sometimes enjoy playing with the kids so that was nice for him and them, I guess. I do not feel they suffered in any way because I didn't play with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's great that you're so involved with your kids.

Throwing out some ideas here: What are the things that you enjoy doing? If you like highly stimulating activities, maybe parenting is not as exciting for you.

I'm not saying that you have a mental health issue, but people with depression or ADHD may be less likely to find certain things enjoyable. Is that a possibility?

Did you want to have kids?

Yes, I have severe anxiety. You wouldn't know it if you met me. I am in therapy and meds.

I enjoy socializing with other parents + kids mostly. I don't love home time at all.

As someone who struggles with anxiety, it tends.to rob the joy of everything. Have you talked about this with your therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a reason I work full time, and it's not for the income. I DO like them better when they hit about 3-4. Toilet trained completely, naps not needed, can talk, etc.

DH is the main parent and we have an amazing nanny. I volunteer once a year per kid. I don't really play any pretend games. I'll read with them, and if there's a game with rules sometimes I'll play that. But that's like once a week. I go in to sit with each and talk a bit before bed.

You are not alone. I love my kids but don't love spending time with them.

Wait, so why did you choose to have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a reason I work full time, and it's not for the income. I DO like them better when they hit about 3-4. Toilet trained completely, naps not needed, can talk, etc.

DH is the main parent and we have an amazing nanny. I volunteer once a year per kid. I don't really play any pretend games. I'll read with them, and if there's a game with rules sometimes I'll play that. But that's like once a week. I go in to sit with each and talk a bit before bed.

You are not alone. I love my kids but don't love spending time with them.

Wait, so why did you choose to have kids?

I actually enjoyed kids a lot when I was younger. I babysat and really enjoyed it. I was close with younger cousins. I had a few traumatic things outside of my control happen later in life between this time and starting a family which is when my anxiety started.

[Anonymous]

I really think throughout most of history, adults have not played with children much. Children played with other children. This expectation that grown-ups are supposed to get in the floor and enjoy playing with their kids for hours is fairly modern, I think. I know my mom didn’t do that much with me nor did my grandparents.

[Anonymous]

I enjoy parenting, and miss the toddler years. It does get easier after 5 or so.