Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
kids & skin color
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Aww, you didn't really give her a time-out for the pee/poop comment did you? Sounded kinda cute and funny to me. |
Anonymous
OP here- someone in grade school said this to me once. I did not think it was funny . . . |
maynie
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
I've been kind of wondering when my daughter was going to get around bringing up skin color. Her father is white(which I think is silly because his grandparents are native american, but people only go by what skin color they see right?) I'm black, but my daughter doesn't look black at all (red hair, blue eyes, white skin) so I'm not sure exactly how she's going to identify. For me it's easy because she's black no matter what she looks like, but I have a feeling it won't be that simple for her and everyone around her (i.e schoolmates) but that's kind of a different topic.
A few months ago my daughter said something that made me think she was talking about skin color. I don't remember exactly what she said, but I asked her what color is mommy? She says, "Black.". I was surprised, but then I asked her, "What color is daddy?" She looked pver at him and answered. "White." At this point I'm wondering where she learned this (she was two) but then I asked, "And what color are you? She looks down and says, "Green!" WHAT?!! Then I realized she was looking at the color shirts we were wearing. She had no idea what our skin color was! I just happened to be wearing black and my husband white. I laughed so hard. Then I tricked a few of my friends the same way. Too funny. It really does remind you, though, that kids are so innocent. Why do people have to corrupt that? |
Anonymous
12:01 poster here - oh yes I did. My DH wasn't sure a time-out was warranted. And on one level I was impressed with her wit for a 3 year old. On the other hand, this was not something I wanted her to say to some child at school or have her say something like this to a kid on the playground in elementary school and either hurt someone's feelings and/or get her butt kicked. I witnessed kids making those types of comments to other kids in elementary school and here what 20 plus year later I can still remember it. I will also admit that there was a bit of hurt and part of my own complex with children that don’t look like me and my worries about her being like the girl in “Imitation of Life” that disowned her heritage and her mother and in the process hurt her relationship with her mother and could never find true happiness. So for me, there are things kids do or say that can be funny or cute for a 2 or 3 year old but can be something that gives an impression you don't want your child to give, or really isn't something that is acceptable to say or do when you are older and/or a case of trying to instill good manners and to me this was an example of all of those things. My mom always said to us what kids do inside the home is what they do outside the home. And also the same behavior you see in the sandbox with kids is the same behavior they have when they are adults. |
Anonymous
|
I think my DS was about 4 when he started talking about skin color. He is white. Most of his friends have light brown or dark brown skin. He asks about people who have brown spotted skin (freckles). He's never mentioned yellow but in the summer he does tend to notice just how pale my skin is compared with the rest of our family. All of it is just an expression of his observations and a discussion of what he finds attractive or desirable. I've never heard either of my kids express any judgment relating to skin color. Right now my little one's current favorite color skin is light brown and he wishes that's what he had. I really don't look forward to the day when he learns about prejudice and skin color.
And about the PP who said "I have tried to just answer questions, correct incorrect assumptions (i.e. white parents can't have an Asian child)", I can't see what is incorrect about that assumption. White parents adopt Asian children all the time, just as they adopt ones from Guatamala, Ethiopia, and black children from America. |
Anonymous
| I find this to be a very interesting topic! My husband is Brazilian and has a mixture of European, African, and Native American heritage, while I am of European descent. We're expecting our first child and are not sure how she will look or what kinds of questions/identity issues she might have. My husband comes from a large family where everyone is a slightly different shade. When he was a kid, he used to ask his mom, "What color am I?" She would say, "You are 6:00 in the afternoon--not quite light and not quite dark." I am at least glad to be raising our child in this area, which is much more diverse than where I grew up. |
TwinsinAdMorg
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
Supposedly all kids recognize skin color differences around the pre-school age. How to deal with it? Like everything else in parenting, there's no one or easy answer. I applaud parents for noticing and trying to deal with this issue.
However, I think I'm a bit of a contrarian when it comes to using terms like "color blind" or "color doesn't matter". (I think I posted about this before...sorry if it's repetitive.) Saying you are "color blind" or telling your child that they should "not see color" can be very confusing to children. It can unintentionally send a message that something obvious that a child can't change about themselves needs to be overlooked. So contrary to one's best intentions, a child might feel invisible rather than appreciated. Anyway, enough negative stuff, below are two sites that have many different perspectives on race and childrearing. Figured it wouldn't hurt to share some resources. http://www.antiracistparent.com/ http://www.mavinfoundation.org/ Hope this post comes across as constructive! |
Anonymous
I agree it makes sense to help her understand she could hurt people's feelings. But was that her intent when she first said it? Did she know it was mean? If not, it seems like a conversation rather than a punishment was warranted. |
Anonymous
I don't think she was trying to be mean, but I also think she was aware that it wasn't a compliment and was pushing the boundary and being a smart alec. It's like the time I was in 5th grade and cursed in front of my parent in the context of repeating a conversation. I knew I wasn't supposed to curse and in a sense thought I was going to get away with it because I was "only repeating what so and so said". One punishment later - I developed a filter and that was never an issue again. |
Anonymous
| I found this post and the comments very interesting because I have a 14 year old son who is mixed black/white and when he was younger I had people ask if his father was black because I'm white. I always answered yes but thought is it really their business. Now I'm remarried to a Hispanic and we have a 2 year old who looks white. Just last night we were at California Tortilla and a spanish woman who worked there asked my husband in spanish if our son was his child. I could not believe the nerve of the woman! I can understand young children asking questions about color of skin and what not, but adults should know what's appropriate to ask and what's not! So what if our son looks white, I'm white. There are many shades of people in this world and they are all beautiful. That is what we tell our children. |
Anonymous
i love this! Why DO we have to corrupt them? Color consciousness is learned. |
Anonymous
| My DD is half South Asian (Indian) and half white/American. She is 5 and draws pictures of the family. She always draws mom as very dark with black hair and herself and dad as white with blonde hair. It's amazing how ealry they pick up on differences. So far, she has not made any negative statements about darker skin, although once she said she did not like her assistant teacher. I asked her why and she said "b/c she has dark skin." I was surprised. She then told me that another girl in her class said this, and I guess my DD repeated it to me. I took the opportunity to tell her that skin color is out of a person's control and not a reason to like or dislike someone. I am not sure if she got it or not. Scary that she would repeat the comment her friend made, even though her own parent is dark skinned!! |
Anonymous
| When I was 4, my mom told me she was going to become an American citizen (I am half white half Filipino). I responded, "You are going to become white, mommy?" It was funny because it was such an innocent confusion, but when I got older I thought, how could I say such a thing? I don't recall if I thought of myself as American, or white or brown...I'm in between I guess. But I do remember trying to color my eyes blue and my hair yellow with markers, and my mom kept telling me that brown hair and eyes were just as pretty, but I didn't believe her until I got older. |
Anonymous
| When I took my white 4 year old stepdaughter to meet my South Pacific Islander mother, my stepdaughter asked if she had stockings on her whole body. (referring to the standard sheer tan nylons). I said no, that was the color of her skin. She replied, oh I don't like brown people. I asked why? She replied, my mommy doesn't like them. It was a great opportunity for a lesson, and she is now a very culturally open minded person, 10 years later. |
Anonymous
| my son said something about a friend of ours "brown skin" when he was just over 2. i think they start noticing it and comment on it. not necessarily spurred on my something. |