“Parenting philosophies”: do you think we’re judged IRL like we are here?
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Anonymous
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I have lots of friends and acquaintances with kids my kids’ ages and I’ve never heard them question or criticize my parenting nor have I ever said anything about their parenting. But I do think certain things we do are better for or easier on the kids. But honestly I don’t give what they do much thought.
Then I come on here and everyone is so sure and opinionated that it makes me wonder about real life. |
Anonymous
| There are probably some people who are judging you silently, but IME, most people are only going to be judgmental about stuff that clearly beyond the pale (putting soda in a baby's bottle) or if your kids are badly behaved. |
Anonymous
| I’ve gotten a couple light comments like, “you’re still nursing!” (Baby was only 12 months old) and “why doesn’t your nanny clean your house?” But nothing like on here - at least not to my face. |
Anonymous
| Just have to learn not to care. Whatever you do, someone will judge. |
Anonymous
| Yes I think we are judged silently like this IRL. Especially by siblings and in-laws but also by pretty much everyone who does things differently. And it’s okay. |
Anonymous
| No, I have a major bias in favor of the people I know and love. |
Anonymous
| I agree, I actually find being on this site is t great for my mental health because it makes me think people are judging more than I think they probably really are. Yes we all notice some things like oh I might do that differently but with friends and family like one poster said I don’t find myself judging unless it’s really stark |
Anonymous
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Only strangers. Like in the grocery store if I see a kid melting down and their parents ignoring them I think they’re inconsiderate humans who shouldn’t be in public. If my sister ignores her 3 year old melting down in the living room while she makes dinner then she’s a good parent. Like the PP said I have a strong bias in favor of my loved ones.
Only exception is hitting. I saw a close friend hit her son and I never really saw her the same way again and never felt comfortable leaving her alone with my baby. Still love her as a person just never got over the “not safe for children” feeling, which is a judgment. |
Anonymous
| I know I judge-back if someone is adamant that their way is best but generally don’t think about what other parents do unless it directly effects me. (Like a friend’s kid who purposely picked up a truck and hit me with it and all the mother said was, “gentle hands, Larkin’s”. I judged the crap out of her! |
Anonymous
| I do know someone like this. Actually, mostly the problem is that she thinks some things I do - like babywearing, extended breastfeeding, etc. - are some kind of "parenting philosophy" of mine that I'm rubbing in her face, just because I'm existing and doing these things. We're not really friends anymore, actually. She always wanted to talk about her baby and compare babies and would ask me questions about what I was doing and then tell me why it was wrong. Admittedly, she also had post-partum depression and was very insecure about her own parenting. The laughable part is, she always claimed to be a very chill parent who didn't "care" about parenting. So anyway, yea, I have known a person like this! |
Anonymous
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I have a really sweet compliant first kid, and then a large enough gap that he was an only child as a toddler. I'm a profession where I see a lot of families who are struggling, so I knew going into parenting that temperament played a huge role, and had the perspective to know that my kid was easy because it's who he is, not because of my parenting.
But one thing that I noticed was how quickly people assumed that the fact that I got what seemed like good results, it must mean that I parented the way they did. So, they would sometimes snark to me, for example, commenting that the kid melting down about leaving the playground was "overtired" and his parents needed to sleep train, even though in fact they had no idea whether that parent, or I did sleep training. It happened that I didn't sleep train, because my kid was already sleeping decently at sleep training age, but the judgmental parent assumed I must. Another mom might have seen the same thing and commented that that kid wasn't attached like "ours" . . . but in reality that wasn't it either. When my lively determined force of nature second kid came along, people stopped making those to me. I kind of figured they were making them behind my back instead. |
jsmith123
Member Offline
Member Offline
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Sure, I judge people and their decisions all the time. I don't make comments to my friends IRL, but I do on DCUM because people are directly asking for advice.
Example: my friend who spanks her kids. I wouldn't do that. I don't think it's ideal parenting. But I don't say that to her. However, if someone wrote in to DCUM asking if they should spank their kids, I'd give my opinion. |
Anonymous
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As several prior posters said, IRL I don’t judge unless it is directly affecting me. E g many years ago a friend visited me with her kid, and for some reason he thought it’s a great idea to turn his sippy cup upside down and start shaking it over my rug observing the stuff come out. The mom used her words (unsuccessfully) trying to get him to stop while I was thinking “take away the damn cup before I take it”.
Also, as a mom of three, two of which are already in college, I know that all kids are different, and all parents are different too, so what works for one child-parent pair may not work for another. |
Anonymous
| Nope. |
Anonymous
If its your rug, you take the cup. My house, my rules. And, food and drink only at the table. |