“Parenting philosophies”: do you think we’re judged IRL like we are here?

[Anonymous]

No. People here are nutty. And by "here" I do mean this area not just this site.

[Anonymous]

I was judged by one person we invited into a playgroup, and eventually we kicked her out. She judged every single thing, it seemed like, and even after I told her she needed to accept that everyone does things slightly differently and nobody is judging her so she shouldn't judge others, she kept doing it.

And I was judged by one person at work. We had babies within a month of each other and she was at the Mom Olympics. Since we both hung out in the pumping room a lot, there was a lot of time for comparing and whatever I was doing was never good enough. Eventually, after repeatedly saying things like "I don't think it's productive to compare" and "All our kids grow at their own pace" and "I'm not going to answer questions like that" (how many ounces of breastmilk do you have stored), I told her, "I hope you get help soon," and then always ignored her afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was judged by one person we invited into a playgroup, and eventually we kicked her out. She judged every single thing, it seemed like, and even after I told her she needed to accept that everyone does things slightly differently and nobody is judging her so she shouldn't judge others, she kept doing it.

And I was judged by one person at work. We had babies within a month of each other and she was at the Mom Olympics. Since we both hung out in the pumping room a lot, there was a lot of time for comparing and whatever I was doing was never good enough. Eventually, after repeatedly saying things like "I don't think it's productive to compare" and "All our kids grow at their own pace" and "I'm not going to answer questions like that" (how many ounces of breastmilk do you have stored), I told her, "I hope you get help soon," and then always ignored her afterwards.

+1. We had a similar mother in playgroup. She had strong opinions on everything. She said repeatedly that sleep-training was child abuse; no-screens was ridiculous; women who don’t try breast-feeding are selfish; saying no to a child was always wrong; cows milk was bad; SAHMs are the only true parents (this was rich since she said it to the host’s nanny)... I could go on and on. And, interestingly enough, her child was the absolute worst behaved kid in group constantly pushing the other kids and grabbing toys from them. We told the mother we disbanded the group and met without her.

[Anonymous]

Of course people have opinions on what you’re doing. Most people are well mannered enough not to say anything. I’m not going to change your mind, right? I think some parents are too uptight. I think some parents are too crunchy. But unless I think you’re actively hurting your child, why would I interfere?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you’re being judged IRL but most people in polite society keep it to themselves. You’ll have your judgements too - just wait. Hopefully you’ll keep them to yourself.

[Anonymous]

This area is very judgy. I can’t figure out why though. This site reflects what people are thinking but won’t say. You just have to learn to live with it develop a very tough shell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This area is very judgy. I can’t figure out why though. This site reflects what people are thinking but won’t say. You just have to learn to live with it develop a very tough shell.

All areas are very judgy. You should hear what my high school friends from West Virginia have to say about my kids having a French-speaking nanny and going to a bilingual school. Even at my parents house, in the company of all women, one said I should nurse my baby in the other room.

[Anonymous]

Most definitely...

I let my boys roughhouse and I definitely lost friends over it and found like minded parents.

My kids were very involved in sports and I would get tons of negative comments like what are the chances of playing in college, I can’t believe you dprnd do much money, etc

Now that they play in college they make comments about they will never go pro and it wastes the college experience.

My family called me a princess for having a nanny even though I worked full time and made more $ than my H.

My neighbors made rude comments about my kids going to private school and said it was a waste since we lived in the best school district.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This area is very judgy. I can’t figure out why though. This site reflects what people are thinking but won’t say. You just have to learn to live with it develop a very tough shell.

All areas are very judgy. You should hear what my high school friends from West Virginia have to say about my kids having a French-speaking nanny and going to a bilingual school. Even at my parents house, in the company of all women, one said I should nurse my baby in the other room.

+1. My mom’s friends outside Roanoke. They think I’m going to make my kid gay because he doesn’t watch TV.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think we do. But I’m starting to recognize that these conversations color real life ones and that we’re looking for undertones that aren’t there. We do need to give people the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Couldn't care less. Why? Because I know it's not about me 99.999% of the time. The 0.0001% of the time it is, my DH or one of my actual good friends might kindly say something in a constructive way.

For example my husband got yelled at (this was pre-covid) because our at-the-time toddler threw his sippy cup out of the stroller while they were strolling down 14th St.

That kind of thing is a symptom of whatever the person judging/yelling is going through. It's no reflection on DH who is officially the best dad ever.