Words your kids aren't allowed to use

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[Post New]04/23/2020 11:00
quote
Carolinesayshi
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks to everyone who responded. Obviously I have no experience being a mother yet, so it's nice to get some feedback on some of my expectations.

I'm trying to examine my motivation for banning words, and asking myself if it's rooted in class anxiety rather than a desire to be polite. I think my mom is insecure about her socioeconomic standing, and I might have some underlying insecurity there as well. I guess it's good to recognize it so I can try to deal with it. Shrug. Don't know.

Anyway, that's why I like this board. I don't live in DC and I don't aspire to, but while I've seen an astonishing amount of full of shitness and the most mind-blowing snobbery here, I've also seen more people calling out others on being full of shit than any other message board and I love it. This is like a board of cultural wars and it's so interesting.

I think you are on to something. I remember my mother in law telling my son "we say pass gas" when he said something about farting. I reminded her that she says pass gas and we say fart. But I grew up "low class"


Apparently all these people who think this is about class have never worked in management or finance. The cursing, sex talk, and political incorrectness is off the charts for a lot of wealthy people. Who are the prim and proper "upper class"? Trust fund babies?


Op here. Ha, well I'm not upper class and I have no hope of being upperclass. I'm not in management or finance, but most people I know and associate with have filthy mouths (I'm finishing up at PhD program in the Humanities and most people I know are in this line of work. It seems like there's a competition going among some faculty and grad students to see who can be the most outrageous. It's pretty entertaining but a little obnoxious at times, I must admit.) I have a filthy mouth a lot of the time. But I'm an adult. I think, though, that in a lot of people's minds "middle class respectability" dictates that you teach your kids "polite" language.
[Post New]04/23/2020 11:41
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Anonymous
We only ban racial slurs and words like ret*ard (words that hurt).

I don’t care about any others. We have good vocabularies and assume our kids will pick up on them.
[Post New]04/23/2020 11:45
quote
Anonymous
Carolinesayshi wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks to everyone who responded. Obviously I have no experience being a mother yet, so it's nice to get some feedback on some of my expectations.

I'm trying to examine my motivation for banning words, and asking myself if it's rooted in class anxiety rather than a desire to be polite. I think my mom is insecure about her socioeconomic standing, and I might have some underlying insecurity there as well. I guess it's good to recognize it so I can try to deal with it. Shrug. Don't know.

Anyway, that's why I like this board. I don't live in DC and I don't aspire to, but while I've seen an astonishing amount of full of shitness and the most mind-blowing snobbery here, I've also seen more people calling out others on being full of shit than any other message board and I love it. This is like a board of cultural wars and it's so interesting.

I think you are on to something. I remember my mother in law telling my son "we say pass gas" when he said something about farting. I reminded her that she says pass gas and we say fart. But I grew up "low class"


Apparently all these people who think this is about class have never worked in management or finance. The cursing, sex talk, and political incorrectness is off the charts for a lot of wealthy people. Who are the prim and proper "upper class"? Trust fund babies?


Op here. Ha, well I'm not upper class and I have no hope of being upperclass. I'm not in management or finance, but most people I know and associate with have filthy mouths (I'm finishing up at PhD program in the Humanities and most people I know are in this line of work. It seems like there's a competition going among some faculty and grad students to see who can be the most outrageous. It's pretty entertaining but a little obnoxious at times, I must admit.) I have a filthy mouth a lot of the time. But I'm an adult. I think, though, that in a lot of people's minds "middle class respectability" dictates that you teach your kids "polite" language.


The lower classes and the upper classes care less about what people think of them. It's the middle class that wants to seem "nice". It's actually a rather fascinating phenomenon.
[Post New]04/23/2020 12:21
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks to everyone who responded. Obviously I have no experience being a mother yet, so it's nice to get some feedback on some of my expectations.

I'm trying to examine my motivation for banning words, and asking myself if it's rooted in class anxiety rather than a desire to be polite. I think my mom is insecure about her socioeconomic standing, and I might have some underlying insecurity there as well. I guess it's good to recognize it so I can try to deal with it. Shrug. Don't know.

Anyway, that's why I like this board. I don't live in DC and I don't aspire to, but while I've seen an astonishing amount of full of shitness and the most mind-blowing snobbery here, I've also seen more people calling out others on being full of shit than any other message board and I love it. This is like a board of cultural wars and it's so interesting.

I think you are on to something. I remember my mother in law telling my son "we say pass gas" when he said something about farting. I reminded her that she says pass gas and we say fart. But I grew up "low class"


Apparently all these people who think this is about class have never worked in management or finance. The cursing, sex talk, and political incorrectness is off the charts for a lot of wealthy people. Who are the prim and proper "upper class"? Trust fund babies?


Oh for sure but there is a time for that kind of talk and other times where it would never be uttered. The class indicator is knowing which situation is which.
[Post New]04/23/2020 14:04
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Anonymous
Three girls in teens-20s. No hate speech eve (and they are so socially conscious that they wouldn't. I've heard them respond tactfully when they've heard people using the word retarded and gay as slang)

Personally I really, really hate to hear f**k. Maybe my kids use it outside, but never home because they know it bothers me. I just really think it's crude and cheap and when tossed around as a filler word it just makes the speaker sound trashy. That said, my DH uses it often (oddly, only in recent years. He never swore like that for the first 20 years I knew him!)

When they were younger I had no issue with potty words (butt, fart) but taught them they were not polite words to say around others. It wasn't that the word was off limits as much as they needed to learn why it might not be appropriate to others. I wouldn't let them use stupid in reference to a person but okay for an inanimate object.
[Post New]04/23/2020 14:50
quote
Anonymous
Ha. We weren't allowed to say fart growing up and had to say "poo-poo gas." I think I was a teenager before I realized that was not a phrase other people used. How is that better than fart?? Weird.

We also weren't allowed to say stupid, unless we were referring to the neighbor's cat, whose actual name was Stupid.

I dunno what we'll do with my kids (first is just a baby) but I will say I know two households of kids who are allowed to curse all they want, even f*ck, and those kids code switch just fine. And it's super funny to hear a five year old say f*ck. Feels like a true matter of personal preference, with basically no bearing on general parenting philosophy or how the kids turn out. You do you.
[Post New]04/23/2020 15:02
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Anonymous
As others have said, kids are quite good at code switching.

I personally ascribe to the view that if you make something off limits as a parent, and pay a lot of attention to it, it becomes a *thing* and it happens more often.

Obviously for some things, you do need to set a hard limit and enforce it consistently.

But I wasn't willing to do that with language. So I pay very little attention to my children when they're trying out "bad" words. I just don't acknowledge it. It tends to not get adopted when it doesn't get the attention.
[Post New]04/23/2020 21:01
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Anonymous
We still use the word "toot" in our house. My 5 year old was watching a movie and someone said fart and he asked me what that was. This wasn't a conscious decision, but i do think it sounds nicer!

I curse too much and although I try not to, my son has been known to drop something and mutter "oh shit". I just pay no attention to him and don't acknowledge it one way or the other.

The only words I have told him he cannot use are hateful or mean words used in that context. i.e. "Stupid daddy!" is a huge no.
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