Words your kids aren't allowed to use

[Anonymous]

I never understood the ban on the word hate. What’s so bad about it? I hate mangos. I hate Big Bang theory. I hate people who are cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the ban on the word hate. What’s so bad about it? I hate mangos. I hate Big Bang theory. I hate people who are cruel.

It's a very strong word that shouldn't be used lightly. I'm sure you don't hate mangos the way you hate cruelty. I teach my kids to say that they dislike mangos and hate racism because I think that words matter and that language frames the way we think. If you disagree with that, that's fine - but you asked why I think the word should be regulated in my home, and that's why.

[Anonymous]

I mean, we started saying things like toot and heiny in our house when the kids were babies and have mostly stuck with it but the idea of scolding or punishing my kids for saying fart or butt instead sounds absolutely insane. Other than slurs/hate speech I have no plans to ever micromanage their communication. There are so many more important things you can teach your child and constantly policing the way they speak in front of you over silly terms is basically guaranteed to impact your relationship in a negative way. I think this is a parenting approaxh to let die with your parent's generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the ban on the word hate. What’s so bad about it? I hate mangos. I hate Big Bang theory. I hate people who are cruel.

Big Bang Theory is 100% worthy of hate. That show is god awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We swear sometimes so it sometimes comes out of my kids mouth (4) and then I just tell her there’s a time and place for the language. We don’t use words like “n” or “r” or any other racist, ableist, etc words so she doesn’t elbow those.

We openly talk about pooping and farting in our house. Again time and place— she knows not to go around school saying she farted. But an almost daily conversation in our house is “where’s Daddy?” “He’s upstairs pooping.” Who cares? We talk about our bodily functions so she feels comfortable doing so too...

This.

My parents never spoke of these things and I was never comfortable talking about things with them. To this day they look visibly uncomfortable if they hear any of those words. It wasn’t the kind of communication style I wanted with my son, so we’re doing things differently than how I grew up. I always want an open line of communication, no matter what the topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pregnant with my first child and I've been giving a lot of thought to what kind of parent I'll be. (I'm aware that a lot of my plans might go out the window once there's an actual baby in my house, but planning in my head is pretty much unavoidable.) When I was growing up, my mom forbade a lot of language that other people thought of as perfectly acceptable. My sisters and I weren't allowed to say the following: butt, fart, booger, poot, ninnie (the neighbor girls called breasts ninnnies and my mom about had a fit when she heard that word come out of our mouths) snot, stinky, shut up, and stupid. (These are the ones I can think of. I think there were more.) My mom hated "butt" and "fart" the most. We had to say "rear end" or "pass gas," though she'd prefer we didn't discuss this stuff at all. Of course we weren't allowed to cuss, and my parents didn't cuss in front of us, but to be honest, I think my mom thought "fart" was infinitely more vulgar than "f@$k." It was kind of hilarious because my dad was/is a giant hippie and grew up poor on a farm in the deep south, and he didn't give a rip about saying "fart" or about correct table manners (something else my mom was obsessed with), et cetera.

Thought I think it's kind of silly, I seem to have inherited my mom's dislike of butt, fart, etc. I just don't think they're polite, and while I do use these words in certain contexts, I wouldn't in most circumstances and I would be embarrassed if my child did. Kids don't tend to understand the subtleties of code switching like adults do, so I'd rather just forbid the words outright.

Anyway, I'm curious about whether people agree with me on "butt" and the like. And I'm curious which words you forbid your kids to use, if any? I'm most interested in hearing about words that aren't blatantly taboo. I assume most people don't want their kids dropping cuss words.

Np First mistake. If you forbid a word than they will want to say them more. The only words I would "ban" is the N word, the C word and calling someone fat The other words that you hate:butt, fart etc are silly to ban.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks to everyone who responded. Obviously I have no experience being a mother yet, so it's nice to get some feedback on some of my expectations.

I'm trying to examine my motivation for banning words, and asking myself if it's rooted in class anxiety rather than a desire to be polite. I think my mom is insecure about her socioeconomic standing, and I might have some underlying insecurity there as well. I guess it's good to recognize it so I can try to deal with it. Shrug. Don't know.

Anyway, that's why I like this board. I don't live in DC and I don't aspire to, but while I've seen an astonishing amount of full of shitness and the most mind-blowing snobbery here, I've also seen more people calling out others on being full of shit than any other message board and I love it. This is like a board of cultural wars and it's so interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of a time a few years ago I was feeling frustrated by the clutter in the house and I was muttering that we had to get rid of all this crap. My then 8-year old's eyes got big and he said, "Mom! You said the c-word!" I was so pleased that his life had been so sheltered to that point that he thought that was the c-word.

One of my kids solemnly told me that he knew the S word. In fact, he knew BOTH the S words.

Apparently those words are "suck" and "stupid".

Unfortunately, this was not a sign of my stellar parenting, it was a sign that my borderline dyslexic kid hadn't figured out that the /sh/ sound also starts with an s.

[Anonymous]

Banning specific words is lazy. You should concern yourself with what they are saying. One can be crass and hateful without ever using a banned word. We focus more on context and intent than specific words.

[Anonymous]

As a father, I curse fairly frequently but my kids know they aren't allowed to. I told them when they're an adult they can make their own decisions about how they talk, but in our house, sh*t, b*tch, f*ck, etc. are off limits for children, just like drinking alcohol, watching R-rated movies and so forth are off limits for children. They're allowed to say something sucks or they hate something (although I often tell them it's too strong of a word and they should save it for something they truly absolutely resent). They're also allowed talk about poop, butts, whatever as much as they want but like one PP said, not at the dinner table. When it gets to be too much I let them know. "Guys are we still talking about butts? How about we talk about something else."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks to everyone who responded. Obviously I have no experience being a mother yet, so it's nice to get some feedback on some of my expectations.

I'm trying to examine my motivation for banning words, and asking myself if it's rooted in class anxiety rather than a desire to be polite. I think my mom is insecure about her socioeconomic standing, and I might have some underlying insecurity there as well. I guess it's good to recognize it so I can try to deal with it. Shrug. Don't know.

Anyway, that's why I like this board. I don't live in DC and I don't aspire to, but while I've seen an astonishing amount of full of shitness and the most mind-blowing snobbery here, I've also seen more people calling out others on being full of shit than any other message board and I love it. This is like a board of cultural wars and it's so interesting.

I think you are on to something. I remember my mother in law telling my son "we say pass gas" when he said something about farting. I reminded her that she says pass gas and we say fart. But I grew up "low class"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks to everyone who responded. Obviously I have no experience being a mother yet, so it's nice to get some feedback on some of my expectations.

I'm trying to examine my motivation for banning words, and asking myself if it's rooted in class anxiety rather than a desire to be polite. I think my mom is insecure about her socioeconomic standing, and I might have some underlying insecurity there as well. I guess it's good to recognize it so I can try to deal with it. Shrug. Don't know.

Anyway, that's why I like this board. I don't live in DC and I don't aspire to, but while I've seen an astonishing amount of full of shitness and the most mind-blowing snobbery here, I've also seen more people calling out others on being full of shit than any other message board and I love it. This is like a board of cultural wars and it's so interesting.

I think you are on to something. I remember my mother in law telling my son "we say pass gas" when he said something about farting. I reminded her that she says pass gas and we say fart. But I grew up "low class"

Apparently all these people who think this is about class have never worked in management or finance. The cursing, sex talk, and political incorrectness is off the charts for a lot of wealthy people. Who are the prim and proper "upper class"? Trust fund babies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are older, tweens and teens. There are certain words I consider hate speech, like n****r or r******d or c**t, that my kids know, at this point, that they should never say.

There are other words that they can't say to people, or in front of certain people, or in certain circumstances. You can't call your brother stupid, or say F U in front of Grandma, or proudly announce to the congregation that you farted at church. But I assume my kids are code switching. As long as they know when not to say them, I'm fine.

This is exactly right.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between cursing *at* someone (or calling someone stupid), and cursing for effect. The first time my daughter dropped a f*ck, she did it in perfect context, with perfect timing, and perfect tone, and the perfect facial expression. Tough to get mad about that.

Lesson is - if you're going to swear, do it correctly.

[Anonymous]

“Colored people” and “People of color”