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Am I the only one who listened to their parents as a teen?
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Anonymous
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Another "good girl" here!
I would like for my daughter to be confident and sure of herself and know when to say no. And if she says yes, for the love of all that is holy and holey, be safe and "be the boss" of yourself. Peer pressure is for the birds. My youngest sister was this way... she was adventuresome and also a bit 'naughty' but there was never any doubt that she had the balls to walk away or tell someone to eff off. Biggest fear: drug use. Altering body chemistry is a risky business. |
Anonymous
| Yet another good girl here. I didn't drink or have sex until I was in college, and have never done drugs. I have smoked a single cigar and a single clove cigarette, but I was in grad school by the time I finally "threw caution to the wind" and gave those a shot. Between my parents, who were firm and clear in their expectations for me but not strict, and the DARE-type programs, I was just too scared to do anything really out of line. I recall not liking the fact that I was always the prude/voice of reason amongst my friends when I was growing up. But, on the other hand, I hope that DD grows up as "innocently" as I did. Nothing wrong with experimenting and finding yourself, but also nothing wrong with waiting until you're a little older and have a better understanding of the consequences of doing so. |
Anonymous
Well, you don´t know me. No dating or R-rated movies growing up. Never smoked a cigarette or did any drugs ever, no sex in high school, no drinking before age 21. I agree with PP who said it is about personality. My younger sister had the same strict parents but had sex in high school, popped pills and drank, dropped out of college in the first year. |
zumbamama
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Not I....I was the daring, rebellious one. I snuck out of my window a lot to go dancing at the clubs and parties, long before I should've been...hehe. I hope my kids don't do the same, but my trouble making days sure were fun and served me well later in life. I don't regret anything.
My sis was the angel. She followed orders to the T. It's no wonder she makes a good soldier now. But me, I was always looking for fun. Still am. |
Anonymous
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I was the good girl on the outside, rebellious on the inside- my parents and everyone else had no clue. At 16 I had a 24 year old boyfriend, we dated until I went to college.
I drank but never did drugs, had sex but always used protection. I also had terrible anxiety from keeping too many secrets. I think parents did a pretty good job- they were strict but trusting (after all I was such a "good" kid). I'm not sure why I did the things I did, I think it had to do with me being too smart and wanting to test the limits. My point is, kids can look like they are one way, but a lot can be going on underneath the surface. |
Anonymous
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I saw a video on youtube this weekend of two teen girls singing in their bedroom jumping on the bed and having so much fun laughing at each other... I had so much fun doing simple things like that... having sleep overs, painting my friend's nails, talking about boys and what's the new hair style we would try...
I look at DH and told him I wish our girl get satisfaction of doing such innocent things. I would hate to have my daughter being one in 15 folks using her phone to video some girl being raped in public and having fun with it. That case in CA scared the cr@p out of me!!! God be merciful of us! |
Anonymous
This is me, 100% -- minus the cigar and clove cigarette.  I thought quite a bit about trying ecstacy in my mid-20s, but figured I had gotten that far in life without using drugs, why start then.
For me, it was less about directly listening to my parents or being afraid of the consequences with them, and more about having absorbed the message of making smart choices that kept me safe. For me it was about self-respect and safety. I guess I was a bit of a control freak. Seeing the older kids in high school do dumb things when drunk/high was enough to keep me sober. I'm also not much of a thrill seeker by nature. Or maybe to put it another way, I can have fun just about anywhere doing just about anything. So it didn't seem necessary in the slightest to incur the risks of drinking or having sex in high school. I waited until college for both and was glad I did. |
Anonymous
| I will say that some of the most successful and happy people I know made quite a few "mistakes" along the way - drugs, sex, even dropping out of college. Society needs some risk takers to progress. |
Anonymous
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DH and I have a friend who had sex with a boyfriend in the 7th grade. She is now a married mother of two (kids with her DH) and very "normal" (whatever normal means ).
Sex at 7th grade is horrifying and every parents nightmare, but it doesn't guarantee your life is ruined either. |
Anonymous
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If I had listened to my parents as a teenager, I'd be in an asylum, rubbing feces on a wall and drooling on my pajamas.
I would have heard: --women can't be anything but baby machines --I in particular am a bitch for disagreeing --everyone but me is a good girl who listens, and I'm not because I read fancy books and ask fancy questions --I'd better shut up and not cause my dad to leave because he'll get another family and not pay for college --my dad started smoking again because my disbelief in god was too much for him to take and now he'll probably get cancer because of me --your brother is good, you're a jerk --being smart doesn't make you a good person --it's okay to cheat on your taxes but not okay to skip religious services --it's unsafe to walk to your friend's house but safe to get in the car with Dad after he's had 3 drinks --the world was created in 7 days and the Red Sea really did part Remember that not everyone who totally disagrees with their parents is a bad girl. My brother was the more loyal one and he's a total basket case now. Wasted potential, bitter guy. I hid in my room, shut them out, and was out of there as soon as was legal and possible. I'm okay. There are crappy parents out there who shouldn't be listened to. I didn't take drugs or have sex, but I doubt that would have been as damaging as believing a thing that they said. |
Anonymous
That's just totally gross and I wonder what pathology she is covering up now or has dealt with already through therapy. Sex at 12/13 for a girl is to me a sign of serious psych/family issues. |
Anonymous
I wonder what pathologies you are covering up now or are dealing with through therapy. Your disbelief that someone can have sex with their boyfriend underage and turn out normal is to me a sign of serious psych/family issues. Good luck! |
Anonymous
there's "underage" and there's pre-pubescent. For you to defend a 12 year old having sex is bizarre. |
Anonymous
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What's really scary to me as a parent is the over-sexualization of EVERYTHING now. When I was growing up you would maybe know one person who had done this and it was viewed as VERY BAD. Now I feel like there are more and more horror stories and kids are somewhat desensitized to it.
I am really nervous to let my child out there by herself- it just seems like there are so many more bad situations to get in, and kids seem to think more stuff is normal that would have been MUCH more taboo when I was growing up. |
Anonymous
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Another non-rebel here! My parents were S-T-R-I-C-T. No parties without parents in attendance (they would check), no R-rated movies, no dating, no driving in cars with other teens. While I resented their rules, I never quite felt the need to rebel against them either. I could never sneak out -- my mother is the lightest sleeper on the planet. Even if I did rebel, I would have to hear their constant harping over it every single day -- I knew that I would pay for any transgression for months. I have friends who also grew up in similar strict houses (many of us have foreign-born parents), and we all seem to have turned out OK. I don't regret not sowing wild oats -- I had plenty of fun when I moved away to college. And no, I didn't lose my mind from the sudden freedom. I always had a good idea of what type of person I wanted to be, and that type of person would need to have her head on straight to succeed. So I never was interested in drugs, heavy drinking, or promiscuous sex.
I think that emphasizing the importance of a successful life (productive, happy, healthy) is more important than emphasizing the "dont's". A successful life is incompatible with addiction, DUI, and STD's. Most kids "get" this. |