Introducing Children to Boyfriend
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Anonymous
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I think many of the pp have a limited view of what longterm means. Clearly, if you've been seeing each other for two years it is longterm even if you aren't considering remarriage to anyone or to this particular person. Do your kids have any sense that you have a friend you spend time with when they aren't around? Do you have any sense of what they would think about you dating? I think you should introduce them, and the lowkey suggestions above make sense. While you don't want to be introducing them to new people constantly, after two years you also don't want to be hiding or lying about this other part of your life. I would keep it low key and leave space for them to ask whatever questions they want without being defensive.
I've also been dating someone for two years-he and my child spend time together approximately twice a month. They like each other and enjoy that time, but he isn't a father figure and my kid seems happy with the status quo. |
Anonymous
| Why would a man date a single mom with 3 kids??? |
Anonymous
| I waited until I was sure that our relationship would be the long-lasting intimate relationship. Then I told my son about the man I was seeing and how we felt about each other. At 15 he acted as if he could care less, and was beginning to pull away from me. He had lots of friends, was doing well at school, and a good social life. I invited my boyfriend over for supper. He got a chilly reception, but showed an interest in my son. Eventually, my son warmed up to him a bit, after he helped him with his math homework and four out that they have a common love for music. About a year later, my boyfriend moved in with me...and things worked out well after that. |
Anonymous
I’m guessing they didn’t go out for a date, and he showed up at her place after they were in bed. |
Anonymous
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I'm divorced with a son, and just got engaged to my ex, who also has a daughter. We met each other's kids after we had dated about 15 months. We started out by doing a few things as a couple with each kid separately, eg, I went to dinner with her and her daughter, and she went out to lunch with me and my son. Then, about 6 months later, they met each other and we started hanging out as a foursome.
I met her daughter for the first time by going for a walk with my dog and getting ice cream. The following times were similarly brief. She met my son by coming early for a party I had at my house. The other guests arrived 30 minutes later. At the end, she stayed and helped clean up a bit, while I played baseball with my son. I think that helped show she wasn't going to take over our relationship. I didn't really tell him much about the situation before, as I didn't want to put any pressure on the situation. From the title of your post, I suspect that your boyfriend is somewhat significant in your life. If that's so, I see no reason not to introduce him to your kids. Whether you introduce him briefly and keep it light or fto o more try to integrate him into your life depends, I guess, on what role you see him in it. My fiancee was the first woman I dated after my divorce that I introduced my son . I noted that he became attached to her more quickly than I expected. Fortunately, our relationship has progressed, so that turned out well. I'm also lucky that my ex has been really great to my fiancee, so my son has no divided loyalties. But I would be cognizant of that potential factor and act accordingly. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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My now fiance was a neighbor so he would come by sometimes. We started dating. I didn't really tell the kids at first. He never pushed himself on the kids. They were 16 and 19 at the time. After about 6 months, I told the kids that we were dating, but he still didn't have a lot of interaction with them which was good. His relationship with the kids grew over time, naturally. I would try to do things together and he would say no b/c he didn't want it to be contrived.
That ended up being the best advice. Now, they think he's really cool and didn't feel pressured. My ex husband did the opposite with his girlfriend and really pushed her on the kids. They think she' really weird and trying too hard. |
Anonymous
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Hi ! Can you maybe explain to your children what dating for you is all about? That you two are going out and trying to see if you are compatible. You are looking
for things like character traits like honesty and and kindness and respect. You need to see how he is with communications and confrontation and what you have in common. These things take time as you "try each other on for size" so to speak thus the reason for dating. Can you explain that just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you are going to marry the man or that he is going to replace their father in their hearts?. Don't know if their father is active in their lives, but know that they may resent your boyfriend. Be as up front and honest with your kids as you can. Listen to their feedback. Get a feel for what they even think about you dating. As you bring your boyfriend around, watch how they act around him and how he acts with them. My kids were older when I started dating, but they were thrilled for me. Be true to yourself! Keep the lines of communication open! |
Anonymous
| So far, we haven’t heard that he actually wants to meet them. |
Anonymous
Because Im hot and awesome in bed, and loving, and kind, and caring, and I make a mean sandwich |
Anonymous
"Don't do that" is helpful -- you just don't want to hear it. |
MikeL
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Good answer to a stupid question |
Anonymous
Except you can get all those exact same good things in a woman who doesn't already have three kids. No reason to play some other dude's saved game. |