Introducing Children to Boyfriend

[Anonymous]

How did you introduce your kids to your boyfriend? I have been seeing him 2 years. Children are 11,13 and 17.

[Anonymous]

It depends if you see a future or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends if you see a future or not.

+1. No long term
Plans? Then they don’t need to meet him. Their teenage life is complicated enough, don’t bring your adult romantic relationships into it unless he’s here to stay.

[Anonymous]

"This is mommy's friend Vinnie. Isn't it cool how many tattoos he has? If you are good, you can touch his motorcycle, and he'll tell you some stories about when he was in prison."

[Anonymous]

I’m disappointed by the lack of helpful advice in this thread.

[Anonymous]

I would pick an activity the Kids all like. A movie would be good so they don’t feel pressure to talk to him. They are old enough to all be told that Mom has been dating Bob and he wants to meet the kids. Keep the first meeting short and sweet. Movie and ice cream.

[Anonymous]

I would wait. Keep your mom life and your dating life as separate as possible. Your kids have already been through a divorce. They don’t need to now deal with your new relationship.

[Anonymous]

I have only been at the other end of it. In my case, it was weird because I was introduced to the kids at about 5:30 AM, when I woke up and they were getting ready for HS.

I do not recommend that method.

(We dated for a total of three weeks. I did not know she had kids until that morning).

[Anonymous]

Do they know you are dating? Do they know it’s a man named Bob?

I would maybe start there. Start telling them about Bob (bit by bit—this isn’t an agenda item for the family meeting).

Then ask them “would you like to go to a baseball game with me and Bob?” If they say no, don’t push.

This is over the course of a few months, not days.

Also, you may want to give your ex the heads up that you are going to introduce the kids to Bob, so that they don’t have to be the messengers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wait. Keep your mom life and your dating life as separate as possible. Your kids have already been through a divorce. They don’t need to now deal with your new relationship.

Two years isn’t a new relationship. New was when my ex spent a Renfaire weekend with a woman he met on POF on a Thursday and on Monday took her to school pickup.

OP, my DH and I had somewhat similar stats, though I had a grade schooler as well as a college freshman. They knew I was seeing someone for a long time, but no details. The first meeting was only ten min. He picked me up, they shook hands, chatted casually, and we left. Then a couple months later, he met us for dessert one night. About 45 min tops. I gave the kids time to sort out their feelings before spending any extended time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they know you are dating? Do they know it’s a man named Bob?

I would maybe start there. Start telling them about Bob (bit by bit—this isn’t an agenda item for the family meeting).

Then ask them “would you like to go to a baseball game with me and Bob?” If they say no, don’t push.

This is over the course of a few months, not days.

Also, you may want to give your ex the heads up that you are going to introduce the kids to Bob, so that they don’t have to be the messengers.

I like this approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have only been at the other end of it. In my case, it was weird because I was introduced to the kids at about 5:30 AM, when I woke up and they were getting ready for HS.

I do not recommend that method.

(We dated for a total of three weeks. I did not know she had kids until that morning).

Yeah, had a similar experience. Found out she had two kids under 5 when I woke up on Saturday morning at her place when they knocked on the bedroom door wanting breakfast. Awwwwwwwkward...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only been at the other end of it. In my case, it was weird because I was introduced to the kids at about 5:30 AM, when I woke up and they were getting ready for HS.

I do not recommend that method.

(We dated for a total of three weeks. I did not know she had kids until that morning).

Yeah, had a similar experience. Found out she had two kids under 5 when I woke up on Saturday morning at her place when they knocked on the bedroom door wanting breakfast. Awwwwwwwkward...

When you got to her place the night before, was there no babysitter with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends if you see a future or not.

+1

If there is no long-term plan underway with the boyfriend, there is no point in introducing them.

[Anonymous]

Mine met my boyfriend at the time because when he came to pick me up late, she would wait up and look out the window. After about 4 dates she rushed downstairs and introduced herself. She was 7 and is still nosy. After about 3 weeks it wasn’t a big deal. We vacationed together after 3 months. He is no longer my boyfriend, he is my partner for life, we live together and he treats her like his own. Love all the way around. Had some bad bumps along the road, but we are a family (neither one of us want to ever sign a marriage contract again)

All depends on your kids, you and the boyfriend. Mine could see the happiness between me and boyfriend and that made her happy. He knows how to make her feel special. Still does