Lesbianism later in life

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[Post New]03/11/2018 10:02
quote
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for all the interesting viewpoints. I guess as a woman of the same age, it feels so strange to suddenly start experimenting with woman or changing directions and deciding I'm a lesbian. I know there is some fluidity in sexuality, this just felt like a really fast 180. Maybe she had been attracted to women previously and it was something she had never talked about, I don't know.

The demise of our friendship is must less about her being a lesbian and more about Anna and how she acts. I think if Anna had been a man -people would have spoken up about possible ulterior motives. But since it was a woman and she had decided she was a lesbian, it was as though everyone had to see her as courageous and strong and amazing for now being a lesbian and Anna too. It was interesting to see how differently the relationship and people in it were talked about by everyone because they were lesbians. Very different social expectations.

They live in California in a city with a large lesbian community so my friend's whole social circle and friend group has changed. 90% of the people they spend time with now are gay or lesbian.
[Post New]03/11/2018 10:16
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Anonymous
OP: you say you never really knew her and the friendship wasn’t a deep one?
Sounds like it is for her, which is why she continues to reach out.
How about you cut out your criticism of her life choices and be a good friend to her? What do you care if she’s gay or straight?
[Post New]03/11/2018 10:26
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
I have two friends who became lesbians
after they were traumatized by rape.
They don't know each other.


I have a family member in the same boat.
[Post New]03/11/2018 10:30
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sexuality can be fluid for many people.

It is VERY possible she was only attracted to men for the first part of her life and was extremely in love with her male husband.

She happened to fall in love with a woman later in life.

It is what it is. If she wants to call herself a lesbian, have at it. Maybe technically she’s bisexual or maybe she was heterosexual and now she’s gay. Who cares.

Is she happy? That’s what matters. People are complicated.

-Lifelong lesbian


+1


This person nailed. Woman fall in love without people. She may eventually end up with a man. I had one very good friend who was always a lesbian but then just got married to man. She identified as a lesbian, not bi. But who cares? Now she is with a man.

This.
[Post New]03/12/2018 02:35
quote
Anonymous
I don't know, but impossible your friend could change that fast. I think because her situation(divorce) and Anna take care of her and give her some attention that she needs!! In the other hand, media now is foucusing in the same-sex relationship and become as a trend and lot of ppl following it!!!!!!!!!
[Post New]03/14/2018 17:31
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't know, but impossible your friend could change that fast. I think because her situation(divorce) and Anna take care of her and give her some attention that she needs!! In the other hand, media now is foucusing in the same-sex relationship and become as a trend and lot of ppl following it!!!!!!!!!


There is no trend of lesbianism, but there is a trend of acceptance of same-sex relationships in the society. While some 20 years ago, many women who were attracted to other women did not dare to act on their feelings, are more likely to do it now.

To the OP: I do not know if your friend is bi, or has always been gay. The fact that she was in love and married to a man does not contradict her being gay. Emotions and sexuality do not always go hand-in-hand. Just because she is with a woman now, does not mean that she faked her prior relationships with men. I am sorry that you feel betrayed, OP. Try not to take it personally. Your friend may have never dared to admit her feelings for other women to herself.
[Post New]03/16/2018 17:11
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Anonymous
Get over it and just be supportive. If she's happy with her choices at this point in her life, be happy for her. People do change and evolve.
[Post New]03/16/2018 17:23
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Anonymous
The TV show Sex and the City put it best when Charlotte wants to join their "cool sisterhood" of lesbians:

Either you eat p8ssy, or you don't eat p8ssy.

I'd love to be a lesbian because yes, men are generally awful. I just have no appetite for the alternative. Sad
[Post New]03/19/2018 02:55
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Anonymous
I'm bi. I've fallen in love and enjoyed sex with both men and women.

I ended up married to a man and with a 10yr relationship and kids, I probably look very straight to the outside world. But I'm not.
[Post New]03/26/2018 21:07
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of women are bisexual or somewhere other than a 0 on the Kinsey scale without realizing it - with how our culture is with showing admiration for other women as a sign of jealousy or envy or just giving a compliment, many women might initially not realize they're anything other than straight because showing admiration for other women is seen as "normal" and the line between admiration and attraction is so fluid.

Coming from someone who's bisexual and realized it after I got into a relationship with the man I'm eventually going to marry, realizing that you're attracted to women can happen at any age, and it can happen in different degrees to different people. Your friend probably discovered a stronger connection to the woman she's marrying than she ever felt with men - and that is totally valid. Maybe she's like me and she just falls for people and gender isn't a deciding factor.


Definitely agree with this. I’m in my mid 30s and have been married to my husband for 10 years & have only dated men... I’ve never been attracted to a woman in my life. Until now. Met a woman several months ago who has literally take my breath away. She gives me butterflies and is absolutely gorgeous. It has completely taken me by surprise. Complicated by the fact that she acts very, very flirty around me... she’s also married with kids. Anyway, I think sexuality can be fluid. I also think it’s a fact that women have a little more leeway when it comes to friendship and intimacy. I realize this is a little off topic from original post but I’ve found this thread interesting.
[Post New]04/25/2018 08:41
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It's a thing for some women. Probably an attempt to avoid getting hurt by a man again. Maybe they think another woman won't hurt them like that. Not true, of course.

Even if your primary source of sexual arousal is the opposite sex I think if you are motivated it's not that tough to get off with the same sex.



I think this is very true and this seems to be currently happening with adolescents now. Among high school/ college age girls being bisexual is very trendy. Personally, I think most of them are heterosexual or at least mainly heterosexual, but even so, the coolness factor of being in a relationship with another woman is motivating enough for them to do it and get somewhat into it. Not saying this is the case with your friend. But I have definitely seen a lot of girls who aren't really lesbians get involved in relationships with other women.
[Post New]04/25/2018 08:48
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the interesting viewpoints. I guess as a woman of the same age, it feels so strange to suddenly start experimenting with woman or changing directions and deciding I'm a lesbian. I know there is some fluidity in sexuality, this just felt like a really fast 180. Maybe she had been attracted to women previously and it was something she had never talked about, I don't know.

The demise of our friendship is must less about her being a lesbian and more about Anna and how she acts. I think if Anna had been a man -people would have spoken up about possible ulterior motives. But since it was a woman and she had decided she was a lesbian, it was as though everyone had to see her as courageous and strong and amazing for now being a lesbian and Anna too. It was interesting to see how differently the relationship and people in it were talked about by everyone because they were lesbians. Very different social expectations.

They live in California in a city with a large lesbian community so my friend's whole social circle and friend group has changed. 90% of the people they spend time with now are gay or lesbian.



I think this has a lot to do with it. In some places it's extremely square for a woman to be a plain vanilla heterosexual.
[Post New]04/27/2018 13:44
quote
msmith2015
Member

Offline
My happily married wife, mid 30s, was recently approached by her female boss who told her how much she loved her, wanted to care for her, and wanted to leave her husband and spend the rest of her life with her. She also told her how sexually attracted to her she was.

Awkward.

The conversation is ongoing, delicate, - but it's probably the hardest thing she's ever had to do. Clearly her boss's feelings are real - but man, why now....




Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of women are bisexual or somewhere other than a 0 on the Kinsey scale without realizing it - with how our culture is with showing admiration for other women as a sign of jealousy or envy or just giving a compliment, many women might initially not realize they're anything other than straight because showing admiration for other women is seen as "normal" and the line between admiration and attraction is so fluid.

Coming from someone who's bisexual and realized it after I got into a relationship with the man I'm eventually going to marry, realizing that you're attracted to women can happen at any age, and it can happen in different degrees to different people. Your friend probably discovered a stronger connection to the woman she's marrying than she ever felt with men - and that is totally valid. Maybe she's like me and she just falls for people and gender isn't a deciding factor.


Definitely agree with this. I’m in my mid 30s and have been married to my husband for 10 years & have only dated men... I’ve never been attracted to a woman in my life. Until now. Met a woman several months ago who has literally take my breath away. She gives me butterflies and is absolutely gorgeous. It has completely taken me by surprise. Complicated by the fact that she acts very, very flirty around me... she’s also married with kids. Anyway, I think sexuality can be fluid. I also think it’s a fact that women have a little more leeway when it comes to friendship and intimacy. I realize this is a little off topic from original post but I’ve found this thread interesting.
[Post New]04/30/2018 13:47
quote
Anonymous
rather than start a whole new thread for something related i will pose here:
if you’re a bi lady and getting vibes from another bi lady, how do you approach?
[Post New]04/30/2018 13:55
quote
Anonymous
Op she’s obviously extremely hurt and vulnerable and Anna is taking advantage of that. Very sad story.
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