Married, but enamored of another man

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]03/28/2017 16:54
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My god, you people are really jumping the gun here. Get a grip. It was a fleeting flirtation in passing.


Flirting is pretty normal and usually harmless. The desire to hop in the sack the next time you meet is well beyond flirting.
[Post New]03/28/2017 16:55
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Anonymous
I thought this was perfectly normal and a regular occurrence in marriages greater than 10-15 years. I don't see the issue.
[Post New]03/28/2017 17:08
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I thought this was perfectly normal and a regular occurrence in marriages greater than 10-15 years. I don't see the issue.


A regular occurrence to flirt with someone and decide you will go ahead and sleep with them if you meet again? No.
[Post New]03/28/2017 18:31
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Fantasies are normal. I just got back from business travel. Hit it off with the girl at the airport bar, while on layover for a couple hours. And with the girl in the middle seat. Both married, but was fun, flirty and harmless conversations.

How boring life must be if you never feel attraction and fleeting chemistry with someone except your spouse.

OP, you are normal.


She took hers a little further and you didn't take a dump on your DW in the process of your harmless flirting. Harmless flirting = fine. Hating your H so much you dream up some scenario because some other man finally noticed you = needs counseling.
[Post New]03/28/2017 21:47
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am unhappily married to my DH. Several weeks ago I did something I don't ever do and that's let another man talk and flirt with me, and I flirted back. It was brief, an hour, at an event, then we parted ways, and that was it. I just can't get him out of my mind. Superficially, he was just everything I could want. If I ran into him again, I would probably have an affair if he wanted to.
****siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*****
Oh well....No question, no advice needed, just a confession....

Enjoy the flirtation and use the energy to light up your sex life. Don't ever contemplate transitioning this into real life because in real life, no one is "everything I could want." No person is that.


I am.
[Post New]03/29/2017 08:20
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Anonymous
I'm sort of ok the same boat. Be careful about fantasizing too much. I thought it would light up my marriage. Instead it's been like the more desireable man is with me whenever I "need" him and in my mind my spouse is like a third wheel. He can't compete with my imagination or with the person who'd been flirting with me IRL for months before I worked up the strength to step back.

The other man might be "better." Just as likely, the first blush of attraction and desire feels better than being at a low point in a committed relationship.
[Post New]03/29/2017 09:54
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Anonymous
PP- who was this other guy? How did you dial it back? No contact? Did it really work or do you still think about him?
[Post New]03/29/2017 09:59
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Anonymous
A little flirting is harmless, but leave it there. It becomes wrong when you prolong the flirtation, i.e. facebook chats, KIK, texts, phone calls or the like. Tell your husband what you are feeling. If it is something that you feel you need to hide from him then YOU ARE IN THE WRONG. I would bet that your husband still pays attention to you, you just don't realize it anymore because you are used to it. It is common for spouses to put aside the compliments and attention from their spouses, because it has become common place and routine. You are looking for that "something new and exciting". Find something new with the person who has been there for you day after day, through thick and thin, sickness and health, better and worse. Don't throw it away for a flirtation. You married your husband because you found something in him you wanted long-term. It is likely that these flirtations would never amount to anything, irregardless of if you were married or single. Why destroy a marriage over something temporary? Especially if there are kids. Call your husband now and tell him why you love him after all these years.

Is this other guy married? Are you going to ruin his marriage as well?
[Post New]03/29/2017 12:25
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I thought it was enamored *by* another man....but, turns out you're right. Does anyone else thing that "enamored of" sounds odd?

It's enamored 'with'
[Post New]03/29/2017 13:56
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought it was enamored *by* another man....but, turns out you're right. Does anyone else thing that "enamored of" sounds odd?

It's enamored 'with'


IT's EITHER WAY:


[url]https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enamored
[/url]

enamored; enamoringplay \i-?na-m?-ri?, -?nam-ri?\
transitive verb
1
: to inflame with love —usually used in the passive with of
2
: to cause to feel a strong or excessive interest or fascination —usually used in the passive with of or with : baseball fans enamored of statistics


[Post New]03/29/2017 14:20
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Anonymous
OP, let this be a wake-up call to you. Why are you in an unhappy marriage? Is there anything you can do to fix it? If not, can you get out of it? Sounds like you need to do something one way or the other. (and I recommend NOT cheating on your husband with this guy - there are cleaner ways to change your situation. Infidelity just introduces more ugliness.)

I was dating this guy years ago and the relationship was definitely on the rocks. We liked each other and probably even loved each other, but I think we both knew we weren't meant to get married. Something was missing - a passion. (and we'd only been together a year, so it's not like it was a 10-year marriage that had naturally gone a bit stale.)

I ended up kissing someone one night - just kissing. I took that as a sign that something was missing for me, and we started talking about whether we would work out. We stayed together... and he ended up cheating on me, maybe a month or two later. I wish I'd just broken it off after the kissing, but I think I needed that last month or two to be sure.
[Post New]03/29/2017 16:39
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ZachF
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:Well, only men can think with their ducks, technically.


How does that work? What if I don't have a duck?
[Post New]03/29/2017 18:18
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:PP- who was this other guy? How did you dial it back? No contact? Did it really work or do you still think about him?


A good friend who's been in my life for years through work and who my husband doesn't know (but knows of). I stepped back by limiting contact. If you're asking where I found the strength-- I looked at the prospect of blowing up two families and disliked it more than losing the flirtation.

I still think about him that way occasionally If I let my guard down but if that happens I shut it down with exercise or busy work.
[Post New]03/29/2017 18:21
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Anonymous
He might be your soulmate, OP.
[Post New]03/29/2017 19:35
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:He might be your soulmate, OP.


I will never stop loving you.
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