how to tell friend I'm not coming to her wedding

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[Post New]02/26/2017 20:57
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Anonymous
When is the wedding?
[Post New]02/26/2017 20:59
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How about going without your spouse? He can stay home with the kids, and that will make your expenses much less. It would be a fun childless weekend away for you, and you will be able to see your friend get married.


Anonymous wrote:Ditto


+2


+3 especially if you will know other people at the wedding. (I am an introvert so I would find this tough if I wouldn't know anyone else.)


Not a choice. One of our children is a 3 month old. I am nursing. I'd have to bring him. Or, pump every 3 hours and store milk. And I'll have to spend 6 hours in the car, alone, both ways.


Bingo, not a problem. You have the perfect excuse to stay at home.

[Post New]02/26/2017 21:03
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Anonymous
If this is a friendship that you have any hope of preserving, I think I would try to go - even if that meant you drive there with your husband and kids. Have him stay at hotel - and you can join him between wedding and reception. It may turn out to be a nice get away for you all and something you find meaningful. I think it would be appreciated and you will feel better about
[Post New]02/26/2017 21:12
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Anonymous

I didn't attend my BFF's wedding. I was pregnant and it was a destination wedding. I had the money for it, but it didn't feel right splurging when I was about to become a mom.

We were much closer than it sounds like you and your friend are and, yes, it hurt her that I couldn't/wouldn't do it. But, I was there for all of the planning and exuberant about the photos (which were utterly fantastic, so that was easy).

If it's a friendship, it'll survive the "I'm breastfeeding and can't find a place for the other kids" excuse. If this is just showing you that the friendship has run its course, send a nice gift and be done with it. No long letter required either way.

Brides LOVE to be asked questions. Just follow up your no-can-do with questions about her accessories. "Have you found the perfect earrings?!!!" "What are you doing for shoes? Something fun?!!!"
[Post New]02/26/2017 21:21
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Anonymous
21:12: thanks for your POV. I am not sure where our friendship. She has moved away. I feel like the friendship has run its course, but at the same time I feel terrible for missing the wedding.
[Post New]02/26/2017 21:27
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
I didn't attend my BFF's wedding. I was pregnant and it was a destination wedding. I had the money for it, but it didn't feel right splurging when I was about to become a mom.

We were much closer than it sounds like you and your friend are and, yes, it hurt her that I couldn't/wouldn't do it. But, I was there for all of the planning and exuberant about the photos (which were utterly fantastic, so that was easy).

If it's a friendship, it'll survive the "I'm breastfeeding and can't find a place for the other kids" excuse. If this is just showing you that the friendship has run its course, send a nice gift and be done with it. No long letter required either way.

Brides LOVE to be asked questions. Just follow up your no-can-do with questions about her accessories. "Have you found the perfect earrings?!!!" "What are you doing for shoes? Something fun?!!!"



I used my wedding as a gauge, I only invited people I really cared for . People I had a meaningful relationship with. If you didn't show I took it you didn't feel the same, and I had no need to continue to prioritize you in my life.
[Post New]02/26/2017 21:52
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Um, tell her you're not going? It's not rocket science or brain surgery.


But apparently rly calling someone on the phone and telling them is. It is kind of sad OP cannot take he time to call her friend and feels more comfortable taking easier way out for herself by writing a letter. Grow up. Life is hard sometimes. You can do it. The right thing is to call. Good grief.
[Post New]02/26/2017 22:21
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Um, tell her you're not going? It's not rocket science or brain surgery.


But apparently rly calling someone on the phone and telling them is. It is kind of sad OP cannot take he time to call her friend and feels more comfortable taking easier way out for herself by writing a letter. Grow up. Life is hard sometimes. You can do it. The right thing is to call. Good grief.


Ok ok goodness. I thought maybe a nicely worded card would be sufficient. I said we were close, but not so much anymore. I don't think she'll be surprised. I mean, the wedding is far away and child free.
[Post New]02/26/2017 22:24
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Um, tell her you're not going? It's not rocket science or brain surgery.


But apparently rly calling someone on the phone and telling them is. It is kind of sad OP cannot take he time to call her friend and feels more comfortable taking easier way out for herself by writing a letter. Grow up. Life is hard sometimes. You can do it. The right thing is to call. Good grief.


Ok ok goodness. I thought maybe a nicely worded card would be sufficient. I said we were close, but not so much anymore. I don't think she'll be surprised. I mean, the wedding is far away and child free.


OK, well...there's your answer. You needed a thread for this?
[Post New]03/01/2017 16:45
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I didn't attend my BFF's wedding. I was pregnant and it was a destination wedding. I had the money for it, but it didn't feel right splurging when I was about to become a mom.

We were much closer than it sounds like you and your friend are and, yes, it hurt her that I couldn't/wouldn't do it. But, I was there for all of the planning and exuberant about the photos (which were utterly fantastic, so that was easy).

If it's a friendship, it'll survive the "I'm breastfeeding and can't find a place for the other kids" excuse. If this is just showing you that the friendship has run its course, send a nice gift and be done with it. No long letter required either way.

Brides LOVE to be asked questions. Just follow up your no-can-do with questions about her accessories. "Have you found the perfect earrings?!!!" "What are you doing for shoes? Something fun?!!!"



I used my wedding as a gauge, I only invited people I really cared for . People I had a meaningful relationship with. If you didn't show I took it you didn't feel the same, and I had no need to continue to prioritize you in my life.


Um that also means that you don't care if people had to prioritize other things over your wedding.
[Post New]03/01/2017 17:22
quote
mshakespeare
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you want to continue being her friend, call her. Tell her you are crushed not to be able to go, but you just can't swing it. Ask her and new husband over for brunch after they get back from the honeymoon. Swoon over the photos.

If you don't care, send a card.


+1


+2
[Post New]03/01/2017 17:31
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I didn't attend my BFF's wedding. I was pregnant and it was a destination wedding. I had the money for it, but it didn't feel right splurging when I was about to become a mom.

We were much closer than it sounds like you and your friend are and, yes, it hurt her that I couldn't/wouldn't do it. But, I was there for all of the planning and exuberant about the photos (which were utterly fantastic, so that was easy).

If it's a friendship, it'll survive the "I'm breastfeeding and can't find a place for the other kids" excuse. If this is just showing you that the friendship has run its course, send a nice gift and be done with it. No long letter required either way.

Brides LOVE to be asked questions. Just follow up your no-can-do with questions about her accessories. "Have you found the perfect earrings?!!!" "What are you doing for shoes? Something fun?!!!"



I used my wedding as a gauge, I only invited people I really cared for . People I had a meaningful relationship with. If you didn't show I took it you didn't feel the same, and I had no need to continue to prioritize you in my life.


Wow. I would have like to know before spending $$ on plane tickets and hotel that your wedding was a narcissistic friendship test.
[Post New]03/01/2017 19:08
quote
Anonymous
OP it sounds like a wedding that is very expensive for you and your family to attend, as well as the complicating factor that you have a three-month-old. It's very clear to everyone reading this thread why you can't go, and that it's not personal or an assessment of your friendship with the bride. The issue is why this is difficult for you to communicate to the bride. You either need to have more self-confidence about your own personal circumstances, or more confidence in your friendship with the bride. So which is it?
[Post New]03/01/2017 21:34
quote
Anonymous
A three month old is the ultimate get-out-of-wedding-free card.
[Post New]03/01/2017 21:56
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I didn't attend my BFF's wedding. I was pregnant and it was a destination wedding. I had the money for it, but it didn't feel right splurging when I was about to become a mom.

We were much closer than it sounds like you and your friend are and, yes, it hurt her that I couldn't/wouldn't do it. But, I was there for all of the planning and exuberant about the photos (which were utterly fantastic, so that was easy).

If it's a friendship, it'll survive the "I'm breastfeeding and can't find a place for the other kids" excuse. If this is just showing you that the friendship has run its course, send a nice gift and be done with it. No long letter required either way.

Brides LOVE to be asked questions. Just follow up your no-can-do with questions about her accessories. "Have you found the perfect earrings?!!!" "What are you doing for shoes? Something fun?!!!"



I used my wedding as a gauge, I only invited people I really cared for . People I had a meaningful relationship with. If you didn't show I took it you didn't feel the same, and I had no need to continue to prioritize you in my life.


WTF
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