Why do some people have an easy time dating while others do not?
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Anonymous
Yes but ... a gal who does lots of tricks in bed trumps one who doesn't, everything else being equal. |
Anonymous
This. Thank you for a human response. Men and women settle down when they're ready. Any theories beyond that are avoiding and blaming. A healthy sense of self is awesome. |
mshakespeare
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I don't think that equates to a human response. Fact of the matter is that you attract a certain type of person when you act a certain way. If you want a serious relationship, act like you want a serious relationship and stop having one night stands. I am not saying that sex up front is a bad thing, but you also have to accept that you're going to not always get what you want from it. I can't think of anyone who ever gave relationship advice and said, start out by having one nights stands and see which one sticks around. |
Anonymous
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Oh, FFS. I always had sex up front because I like sex. I'm not particularly extroverted or even drop-dead gorgeous. But, in my younger days, I was cute and sexy, and I'm still smart and funny. I never had trouble getting good guys to stay around; in fact, I sometimes had trouble getting them to back off when the relationship was over.
I had three long-term boyfriends (2 to 9 years) during college/grad/school/early career before I was really ready to settle down and get married in my early 30s. Met a great guy almost immediately, got married 2 years later, now have a beautiful family of four kids, a great income, and a happy marriage. IT'S THE GUYS SHE'S ATTRACTED TO, not her "slutty" behavior. She says she's unhappy being single, but she likes the rush of the mysterious, slightly damaged guy, or she likes being the mysterious, slightly damaged girl (so the "good" guys don't stick around). |
Anonymous
| OP - why do you care? You mention Friend B was "boring" and come across as upset that she found her person. If anything, I'd say the difference is Friend B knows who is she to her core and was content to live her life as herself and if someone came along, great - if not - she still has a life. Friend A sounds like someone who likes the chase. Both are legitimate approaches to life. Nothing wrong, nothing right - it's just existence. So again, What answer are you looking for? |
Anonymous
YES, I remember this post too. |
Anonymous
Yes. This. Jamming random situations into our Puritan sex narratives causes so much unnecessary awfulness in our lives. |
mshakespeare
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First, I never said anything about slutty behavior. If a girl enjoys sex and gives it up, that's totally fine. Women should have the same ability to express themselves as men and without being called sluts. However, I don't think anyone said that she wants one night stands. She wants a real relationship. It appears her expectation is that she is going to get a relationship by giving up sex up front and it is obviously not working for her coupled with her choice in men. I am simply saying, that if you don't like the results of what you are doing, then do something different... The definition of insanity... |
Anonymous
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Here's the thing, though. In my circle, plenty of the Friend A types are married to good guys. And plenty of the Friend B types are single and looking and having little luck.
there isn't always rhyme or reason to things. Friend A may also be self-sabotaging. Maybe she has unrealistic ideas about men. Maybe she's doing something on dates that turn off the guys. Maybe she's subconsciously picking men who are not commitment-minded. And maybe Friend B is being realistic about relationships and men. It's also possible that Friend B got lucky and found a good guy, and Friend A hasn't gotten lucky yet. Luck and timing are huge in dating. |
mshakespeare
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I was just about to say this. It's not one thing or another. Which is why I said, she might want to try something different than what she is currently doing. Obviously she is doing something wrong. It doesn't have to be who she is attracted to, or her behavior... It could be something else... Maybe she becomes clingy... Who knows. The only thing we do know is that she wants a relationship, and it's not working out. |
Anonymous
OP doesn't seem like a very good friend. OP, do you need to find strangers online, so you can dissect your friends and tear one of them to shreds? |
Anonymous
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Guy here. A would be great for a good time, but would make a terrible wife.
Of course I don't know that.. but that's what many guys would think. You don't want the party girl raising your kids. |
Anonymous
| Girl A ruins relationships with good guys? She's scared of something good happening to her, because she's had so many bad things happen in her life. She sabotages relationships out of fear. If she's real, she's the one that I would bet on. She just needs someone who will take the time to prove to her that good men really do exist. |
Anonymous
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Well, I'm shy and introverted and the last thing I would ever want to do is date. I've only ever been with one: my husband. |
mshakespeare
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If this is the case... Girl A needs to figure that out for herself. It is not someone else's responsibility to change her. She needs to make figure this out so that she can enter into a healthy relationship with a healthy mindset. If she can't figure it out for herself, no one else is going to make her realize it. All that ends up happening, is the guy becomes resentful because he has to deal with her insecurity and fear all the time. Which, could be what is happening now. Girl A deserves to find love. But she needs to learn to love herself first. |