Why do some people have an easy time dating while others do not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

Interesting responses. Friend A is very attractive and openly suggestive. She also seems to pick the weird guys. Her ex was a jobless loser who lied to her and mooched off her for years. She is drawn to flawed people maybe because she thinks she can't do better? It isn't true. Good guys have also been attracted to her but she always ruins those relationships.

First you said she is moderately attractive. Now you say she's very attractive. Which is it?

She isn't conventionally attractive like friend B. She is still not ugly and can be very attractive when dressed up/makeup.

uhh is this rocket science? Conventionally attractive people get more marriage offers.

The attractive girls do get snatched up quickly.

Friend B is very pretty. I'd say her face is classically beautiful and she turns heads when she enters a room. I'm surprised she was single until 24. She did get a lot of attention but she held out until she found the perfect package. I am truly amazed. I have seen many friends date a couple of frogs before finding their prince. She seems to have gotten it right at the first try. She is so wholesome but also is so funny. She has no vices that I can think of and does everything in moderation. Wears crop tops to go party, only once or twice a month but has a great time when she does. Usually she has minimal makeup and preppy outfits walking around with her puppy. She doesn't party to much, drink too much, or has any off putting behavior that you can think of. Amazing.

I have friends that never played the field waiting for the perfect prince to come along who are attractive and good women who are now panicking at 33 wondering if they'll ever get married and have kids. Friend B got lucky, good for her, but don't act like sitting alone in a tower waiting for prince charming is a realistic marriage strategy for everyone.

In fact glorifying this weird idea that men go through all the slutty girls and then find a 'good girl' who kept her morals about her to marry is kind of ridiculous and reductive. Obviously it isn't that healthy to let a whole bunch of men use you for sex, but dating a lot does not make a girl 'damaged goods' or anything. And the idea that the only marriage material girls are the ones who are sitting around all proper at 30 waiting for the crazy men folk to settle down is like...i mean its not 1950 you know?

I understand pp. I'm fascinated by her story because hers is such an anomaly. Our friends would nudge her to let her hair loose and date around and give these guys who are interested a chance. No one was ever good enough for her. We would tell her that everyone has bad first few dating experiences and over time you meet your right person. Each of us have had our fair share of bad boyfriends, being dumped, boys who didn't pay for dinner, boys who wouldn't take us out on dates, boys who wouldn't cal etc. Its amazing how her guy turned out to be perfect from the start. I'm slightly jealous but mostly amazed at her good luck.

Well, there's your problem. You were dating "boys". Look for men.

[Anonymous]

NP here.

Don't draw overarching conclusions from two examples.

For one, I know women who are like friend B who are over 40 and have never actually had a relationship. I'm not talking about just being single. They never even had a boyfriend. It's beyond sad.

As for Friend A, if she likes who she is (she likes being free-speaking and is a sexual person and likes the way she dresses), then she likely would not be happy with a man who expected her to be someone else.

Dating is hard. It's largely trial and error. Some people are lucky. Some are not. But either way, it's far better to be alone than to try to be someone you are not just to find a husband.

[Anonymous]

Marrying the first guy I ever dated is my idea of a nightmare. I know friend B is supposed to come out like the "winner" in this story, but not to me.

[Anonymous]

You are idealizing her, and her BF. Your focus on her and this whole scenario doesn't seem healthy or productive - for you.
We all have our own path to love. I have many friends who spent many years in "friend A" category who ultimately met and married wonderful men. Your friend's situation with her "perfect" BF doesn't speak to any larger truth.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like Friend B had an easy time dating. I have a Friend B who could not get over her one and only boyfriend in her 20's. She did eventually get married in her 30's and then got divorced. She is now 39 divorced with no kids.

Friend A sounds like she has an annoying personality with ok looks. Doesn't sound like the complete package.

In my circles, a woman's pedigree and education play a role in marriage. I was pretty promiscuous in my 20's but I'm ivy league educated and made very good money. I am told I have a pretty face and had a nice body. Never had trouble dating and almost every guy I dated told me he wanted to marry me. My best friend is almost a carbon copy of me but she didn't graduate college from a third tier university. she dated similar guys but none of the guys ever wanted to marry her. she is still single. I have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. She would have made a MUCH better wife and homemaker than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends.

Friend A is moderately attractive UMC girl with a curvy physique, loud and crude sense of humor, loves to party and wear revealing clothes. She gets tons of one night stands but never seems to be able to keep a good guy. She isn't a bad girlfriend; her past boyfriend was a sociopath who lied and emotionally abused her. The good "normal" guys she wants only sleep with her and then dump her. She is so sad being single.

Friend B is a very attractive brunette with a good sense of humor and sweet smile. She is a nanny and works in sales. She parties occasionally, hangs out with her parents a lot and dresses very preppy. She never had a boyfriend through high school and college because she always thought all the guys who hit on her were "gross." She would get a lot of attention but never reciprocate. Last year, she met this really great guy and they've been inseparable since. It's only been a year and they're already talking marriage.

What is going on here. Why is one friend so desirable and the other keeps getting dumped?

Friend A sounds like my kind of woman. Set us up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have a friend who attracts awful guys time and again. In the 20 years I've known her, she has never once had a boyfriend that treated her well. She makes awful decisions in relationships (having a child with a mentally unstable, prescription drug-addicted guy). When she does find a seemingly good guy, she sleeps with them right away, then gets obsessed with him to the point where any interest they may have had in her disappears. Then she wonders why they ghost her. Such low self-esteem.

She attracts these men because subliminally they are the men she's attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like Friend B had an easy time dating. I have a Friend B who could not get over her one and only boyfriend in her 20's. She did eventually get married in her 30's and then got divorced. She is now 39 divorced with no kids.

Friend A sounds like she has an annoying personality with ok looks. Doesn't sound like the complete package.

In my circles, a woman's pedigree and education play a role in marriage. I was pretty promiscuous in my 20's but I'm ivy league educated and made very good money. I am told I have a pretty face and had a nice body. Never had trouble dating and almost every guy I dated told me he wanted to marry me. My best friend is almost a carbon copy of me but she didn't graduate college from a third tier university. she dated similar guys but none of the guys ever wanted to marry her. she is still single. I have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. She would have made a MUCH better wife and homemaker than me.

Funny how you mention nothing about personalities. So sad.

[Anonymous]

Wait.... I thought Friend #A was only "moderately" attractive.

Plus I take full offense to the PP who stated that no man wants to marry a Nanny.

Tiger Woods??
Robin Williams??
Ethan Hawk????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

Interesting responses. Friend A is very attractive and openly suggestive. She also seems to pick the weird guys. Her ex was a jobless loser who lied to her and mooched off her for years. She is drawn to flawed people maybe because she thinks she can't do better? It isn't true. Good guys have also been attracted to her but she always ruins those relationships.

Friend B was always "prudish" and boring in high school and college. She was always conventionally attractive, stunning when she gets dressed up. Guys have always been attracted to her but avoid approaching her because something about her vibe tells them she is "too good" for them based on what they have told me. She has turned down SOOO many nice guys who would have been great boyfriends. She always told me she needs to find someone who is worth it and I always thought her expectations were too high and unreasonable.

Well...since last year I'm left eating my words. Despite having 0 romantic experience, the guy she finally said yes to seems to be quite a catch. He seems crazy about her, for one. He asked her out for a year until she finally said yes to going out with him. He treats her like gold and showers her with expensive presents (designer bags, jewelry, trips abroad). His family seems great! Wealthy but tight knit. They seem to adore her and have embraced her into their family. He also seems to be head over heels for her based on what I see. He is handsome, rich and very sweet and smitten.

Looking at them, I find myself thinking...is this real life? haha. Here's this girl who never gave any of the guys a shot until she found her prince.

you have written this before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet op is girl B

Nailed it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

Interesting responses. Friend A is very attractive and openly suggestive. She also seems to pick the weird guys. Her ex was a jobless loser who lied to her and mooched off her for years. She is drawn to flawed people maybe because she thinks she can't do better? It isn't true. Good guys have also been attracted to her but she always ruins those relationships.

Friend B was always "prudish" and boring in high school and college. She was always conventionally attractive, stunning when she gets dressed up. Guys have always been attracted to her but avoid approaching her because something about her vibe tells them she is "too good" for them based on what they have told me. She has turned down SOOO many nice guys who would have been great boyfriends. She always told me she needs to find someone who is worth it and I always thought her expectations were too high and unreasonable.

Well...since last year I'm left eating my words. Despite having 0 romantic experience, the guy she finally said yes to seems to be quite a catch. He seems crazy about her, for one. He asked her out for a year until she finally said yes to going out with him. He treats her like gold and showers her with expensive presents (designer bags, jewelry, trips abroad). His family seems great! Wealthy but tight knit. They seem to adore her and have embraced her into their family. He also seems to be head over heels for her based on what I see. He is handsome, rich and very sweet and smitten.

Looking at them, I find myself thinking...is this real life? haha. Here's this girl who never gave any of the guys a shot until she found her prince.

you have written this before.

"Worth it ", "designer bags, trips abroad", "rich".
Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet op is girl B

Ding ding ding!

Hah! OP fess up- how many 1 night stands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like Friend B had an easy time dating. I have a Friend B who could not get over her one and only boyfriend in her 20's. She did eventually get married in her 30's and then got divorced. She is now 39 divorced with no kids.

Friend A sounds like she has an annoying personality with ok looks. Doesn't sound like the complete package.

In my circles, a woman's pedigree and education play a role in marriage. I was pretty promiscuous in my 20's but I'm ivy league educated and made very good money. I am told I have a pretty face and had a nice body. Never had trouble dating and almost every guy I dated told me he wanted to marry me. My best friend is almost a carbon copy of me but she didn't graduate college from a third tier university. she dated similar guys but none of the guys ever wanted to marry her. she is still single. I have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. She would have made a MUCH better wife and homemaker than me.

Lol. "In my circles" and pray dear woman, what circle is that? Rich, urban, white, chevy suburban, Bourbon whiskey, big-law unfaithful husband, Bullis school, MIL is a bitch complaints club?

[Anonymous]

Trolllllll.

You're getting better but still overlooking some plot holes. I'm sure if I pointed them out you'd scramble to explain them away (e.g. Moderately attractive -> Very attractive -> Not conventionally attractive), but you and I both know all of this is BS.