Is it fair to expect sex to be part of a marriage or other long term relationship?

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[Post New]10/31/2016 19:31
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
I believe it's part of the definition (for me).


Agreed. Otherwise you're just friends. And I have plenty of friends; I need that extra connection.
[Post New]10/31/2016 19:39
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say no, not when it becomes a kind of demand. Crucial to understanding consent is understanding that people's sexual urges may be different from yours- and if they don't want to have sex, you cannot try to coerce them into it.

I would say if you are in a relationship for the sole purpose of sex, or with that being a large part of it, then perhaps you need to rethink things.

Where are you getting coercion from? OP further clears things up in their second post. You can reasonably expect it to be colder in December than in June.


Whats the reaction going to be if it's colder in June?

So long as theres no bad reaction if/when that occurs- then sure, knock yourself out, I guess.

Any attempt to convince someone to "make it snow" in December rather than June (keeping with this inane metaphor) can in fact be classed as coercion. No bueno.


OP here.
Except I stated that force or coercion isn't what I'm asking, so your little tangent is off the mark, pp.


So no trying to convince otherwise? Okay, cool. You can expect someone to be a wizard for all I care then. So long as you don't try to push them into it, then go right ahead, expect them to be secretly an eggplant. Have at it.
[Post New]10/31/2016 20:43
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Anonymous
It is not fair to expect anything unless you have discussed it first. People who are getting married should have discussed extensively their feelings about sex, their sexual needs and ability to make sexual comprimises, what they expect when needs change, etc. If you aren't discussing these things in detail well before the marriage, you shouldn't be getting married.
[Post New]10/31/2016 20:45
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Anonymous
Yes. The answer is yes. This has got to be a troll post. The default position is sex. Seriously, are there people out there who think sex is optional in a relationship?
[Post New]10/31/2016 20:46
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Anonymous
Of course, unless you have discussed and agreed to nonexclusivity. It's simply not fair to expect someone else to be celibate just because that's what you want. You can choose that for yourself, but not for your partner.
[Post New]10/31/2016 21:01
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Anonymous
A great sex life on a sustained basis is not possible without a great relationship.

In other words - first comes the relationship and then the sex. But later, they both feed each other.

In a marriage the sex and the great relationship need to go hand in hand, so that each is nourished and flourishing.
[Post New]10/31/2016 21:18
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm a single woman in my 30s, I expect no, I REQUIRE sex in my relationship because I enjoy it. I'm dumping a guy with a low sex drive. I really think low libido people should be dating each other only because they understand each other's lack of intimacy and are content with that lifestyle.

+1
Agreed. They do everyone a disservice by pretending to enjoy sex more than they really do in the beginning (this is how they even get into relationships with people with a more typical or high libido). They should just be themselves; they may have fewer relarionship options, but they'll have better matches for them and save everyone a lot of grief.


This. My spouse pretended to have ED. Nope, it was low drive.
[Post New]10/31/2016 21:27
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:A great sex life on a sustained basis is not possible without a great relationship.

In other words - first comes the relationship and then the sex. But later, they both feed each other.

In a marriage the sex and the great relationship need to go hand in hand, so that each is nourished and flourishing.


bingo.

marriage sucks = zero libido. that is where I am at. I feel repulsed. I feel exhausted. Spent. nothing.
[Post New]10/31/2016 21:33
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say no, not when it becomes a kind of demand. Crucial to understanding consent is understanding that people's sexual urges may be different from yours- and if they don't want to have sex, you cannot try to coerce them into it.

I would say if you are in a relationship for the sole purpose of sex, or with that being a large part of it, then perhaps you need to rethink things.



Ok so if you are in a long-term relationship and your partner decides they don't want to have sex do you just accept that or do you try to solve the underlying cause.

Would you consider asking them to go to therapy coercion?


Is saying, "This isn't working for me; I don't know if I can stay in this relationship if sexual intimacy is not a part of it" considered coercion?
[Post New]10/31/2016 21:40
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say no, not when it becomes a kind of demand. Crucial to understanding consent is understanding that people's sexual urges may be different from yours- and if they don't want to have sex, you cannot try to coerce them into it.

I would say if you are in a relationship for the sole purpose of sex, or with that being a large part of it, then perhaps you need to rethink things.



Ok so if you are in a long-term relationship and your partner decides they don't want to have sex do you just accept that or do you try to solve the underlying cause.

Would you consider asking them to go to therapy coercion?


Is saying, "This isn't working for me; I don't know if I can stay in this relationship if sexual intimacy is not a part of it" considered coercion?



If you mean it, no. I would sooooooooo much much much rather see more posts on DCUM about people leaving someone because their sexual needs are that intense rather than trying to pressure (usually women) into having unwilling sex with them. It's so fucking regressive and sick. At least the other (lower libido) spouse has a chance of moving on to a healthy and understanding partner instead of being constantly pressured and having this messed up, traumatic sex life where they are essentially forced into sleeping with someone
[Post New]10/31/2016 22:08
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say no, not when it becomes a kind of demand. Crucial to understanding consent is understanding that people's sexual urges may be different from yours- and if they don't want to have sex, you cannot try to coerce them into it.

I would say if you are in a relationship for the sole purpose of sex, or with that being a large part of it, then perhaps you need to rethink things.



Ok so if you are in a long-term relationship and your partner decides they don't want to have sex do you just accept that or do you try to solve the underlying cause.

Would you consider asking them to go to therapy coercion?


Is saying, "This isn't working for me; I don't know if I can stay in this relationship if sexual intimacy is not a part of it" considered coercion?



If you mean it, no. I would sooooooooo much much much rather see more posts on DCUM about people leaving someone because their sexual needs are that intense rather than trying to pressure (usually women) into having unwilling sex with them. It's so fucking regressive and sick. At least the other (lower libido) spouse has a chance of moving on to a healthy and understanding partner instead of being constantly pressured and having this messed up, traumatic sex life where they are essentially forced into sleeping with someone


So it's regressive and ick to try and find away to make your relationship work through therapy or changing things up?

Tumblr feminist logic strikes again.
[Post New]10/31/2016 22:19
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Anonymous
Yes, but not forever.
[Post New]10/31/2016 22:26
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say no, not when it becomes a kind of demand. Crucial to understanding consent is understanding that people's sexual urges may be different from yours- and if they don't want to have sex, you cannot try to coerce them into it.

I would say if you are in a relationship for the sole purpose of sex, or with that being a large part of it, then perhaps you need to rethink things.



Ok so if you are in a long-term relationship and your partner decides they don't want to have sex do you just accept that or do you try to solve the underlying cause.

Would you consider asking them to go to therapy coercion?


Is saying, "This isn't working for me; I don't know if I can stay in this relationship if sexual intimacy is not a part of it" considered coercion?



If you mean it, no. I would sooooooooo much much much rather see more posts on DCUM about people leaving someone because their sexual needs are that intense rather than trying to pressure (usually women) into having unwilling sex with them. It's so fucking regressive and sick. At least the other (lower libido) spouse has a chance of moving on to a healthy and understanding partner instead of being constantly pressured and having this messed up, traumatic sex life where they are essentially forced into sleeping with someone

NP, by "that intense" do you mean normal and typical? The person who enjoys sex is always going to be in the wrong to you, even when they aren't "coercing" anyone into anything. Wonder what that's about.
[Post New]10/31/2016 22:27
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Risky007
Member Offline
Yes of course. It's a very intimate part of being together. Unless you just don't need to have it....I suppose there are those who don't get that urge, feeling, desire to have sex and enjoy the sensation it gives you as you are with that other person.
[Post New]10/31/2016 23:16
quote
Anonymous
Of course it is.
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