Wife letting her children — my step children

Wife letting her children — my step children — be slackers

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09/22/2016 12:40

Subject: Wife letting her children — my step children — be slackers

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Anonymous

You just need to watch yourself Brad...Next thing you know your wife will accuse you of child abuse.

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09/22/2016 14:09

Subject: Wife letting her children — my step children — be slackers

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never love someone that raised mediocre children. I'm not kidding. There is nothing more important than raising good kids.

Why is mediocre bad? Most people are mediocre. Doesn't mean they're bad people.

If that's their potential, sure. If they're mediocre because their environment didn't encourage them to reach their potential it's a diff story.

How does it make them bad?

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09/22/2016 14:10

Subject: Wife letting her children — my step children — be slackers

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of your concern.

+1 Why do you care?

Because it's difficult to watch lazy unmotivated kids turn into lazy unmotivated adults It's like watching a hotdog be made. And it teases out character flaws in the parent(s), e.g. parents trying to be kid's best friend, parents being gullible, parents being passive, parents being lazy themselves.

Do you have genetic kids?

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09/22/2016 14:14

Subject: Wife letting her children — my step children — be slackers

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:You should be concerned, OP. These step-kids will end up living with you into their late 20s or 30s if they can't get their shit together.

This totally happened to me with my 1st wife. He was still there in his early 30s when I moved out (divorce).

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09/22/2016 15:04

Subject: Wife letting her children — my step children — be slackers

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ZachF
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Joined: 12/30/2015 14:13
Messages: 725
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You have my sympathies. Lazy manipulative kids with one weak parent and the other a step is a recipe for disaster. I've been there and I feel your pain. All you can do is make clear they are out by 18, or in college.

Of course, any direct pressure you put on them will cause the DW to take it out on you for being so mean to "her" children, forcing her to choose between them and you. You will lose every time.

Depending on how much she enables them, and you allow it, be prepared to have one or both still living with you into their 30s, or if they do move out, constantly rebounding back home because life on their own is just so damn hard these days.

If they are still there after high school and not in college, be prepared to support a couple of sleep-past-noon, unemployed, worthless, childlike adults who do nothing while mom further enables them and protects them from you all she can.

They will never respect you if don't get right in their face, your marriage be damned, because it is anyway. If you get the, "you're not my father," line, tell them you will gladly drop them off at their father's house today. Their choice. Live by your rules or go live by the "real" father's rules which won't be any better. Bottom line, don't let them play you and don't let them see you as the weakest of their authority figures by virtue of you being a step.

Also, start charging rent at 18. Just enough where they feel they could go in with a roommate or two for about the same rent and get out from under you and all your suffocating rules. You will know you succeeded when a kid says, "this place sucks, I hate living here." Music to your ears.

profile p.m.

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09/23/2016 22:11

Subject: Re:Wife letting her children — my step children — be slackers

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Anonymous

I agree with you that kids need to have structure and be stretched to do the best that they can. Have you tried to have a conversation with your wife about this and what your concerns are? Sitting down rationally and explaining that you are concerned for the kids and their future and remaining calm might help. Also, people have different parenting styles and maybe yours is different than hers. You didn’t mention whether you had kids or not, but I’m just assuming you do. All you can do is offer your advice and if she doesn’t let you co-parent the kids, then you just have to let it go and hope that she takes your advice. Good luck with everything.

Suzy