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[quote=ZachF]You have my sympathies.  Lazy manipulative kids with one weak parent and the other a step is a recipe for disaster.  I've been there and I feel your pain.  All you can do is make clear they are out by 18, or in college.

Of course, any direct pressure you put on them will cause the DW to take it out on you for being so mean to "her" children, forcing her to choose between them and you.  You will lose every time.

Depending on how much she enables them, and you allow it, be prepared to have one or both still living with you into their 30s, or if they do move out, constantly rebounding back home because life on their own is just so damn hard these days.

If they are still there after high school and not in college, be prepared to support a couple of sleep-past-noon, unemployed, worthless, childlike adults who do nothing while mom further enables them and protects them from you all she can.

They will never respect you if don't get right in their face, your marriage be damned, because it is anyway.  If you get the, "you're not my father," line, tell them you will gladly drop them off at their father's house today.  Their choice.  Live by your rules or go live by the "real" father's rules which won't be any better.  Bottom line, don't let them play you and don't let them see you as the weakest of their authority figures by virtue of you being a step.

Also, start charging rent at 18.  Just enough where they feel they could go in with a roommate or two for about the same rent and get out from under you and all your suffocating rules.  You will know you succeeded when a kid says, "this place sucks, I hate living here."  Music to your ears.[/quote]

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