Wife letting her children — my step children — be slackers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice: model a good example for them and talk to their father (your DH) about it. Otherwise, you need to step back.

Sorry - I just reread your post and realized you are the DH and wife is their bio parent. Same basic advice, but apologies for not reading more closely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I was posting like this years ago about my teenage stepdaughter because she had no responsibilities and my DH kept letting her slide on everything. I do t think it helps kids to cripple them as adults by never having expectations of them as teenagers. You deprive them of developing their competence and resilience.

My SD is now in her early 20's, college dropout, working as an exotic dancer. I don't say I told you so. My heart breaks for her.

That doesn't mean she was a slacker... It means she was sexually molested , you didn't protect her or'/and you had no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I was posting like this years ago about my teenage stepdaughter because she had no responsibilities and my DH kept letting her slide on everything. I do t think it helps kids to cripple them as adults by never having expectations of them as teenagers. You deprive them of developing their competence and resilience.

My SD is now in her early 20's, college dropout, working as an exotic dancer. I don't say I told you so. My heart breaks for her.

That doesn't mean she was a slacker... It means she was sexually molested , you didn't protect her or'/and you had no clue.

What? Not all strippers were molested. Based on PP's description of the girl she probably felt that was one of her few viable options to make decent money given that she didn't finish school and a 9-5 requires a level of responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Give specifics, OP. And tell us how your relationship with the kids is.

[Anonymous]

This is so vague.

[Anonymous]

These kinds of posts from stepdads almost always mean that the stepdad thinks the kids should be doing more chores and are not "respectful" enough. And that StepDad has a completely unrealistic view of what life with a tween/teen is like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of posts from stepdads almost always mean that the stepdad thinks the kids should be doing more chores and are not "respectful" enough. And that StepDad has a completely unrealistic view of what life with a tween/teen is like.

Not at all. Just school work and extracurriculars.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of posts from stepdads almost always mean that the stepdad thinks the kids should be doing more chores and are not "respectful" enough. And that StepDad has a completely unrealistic view of what life with a tween/teen is like.

Step mom here and that's not the case. I wish my DH encouraged his daughter to go to work so she wouldn't be fired, take SAT prep courses so she wouldn't score a 500, and get on birth control so she wouldn't end up pregnant. None of that happened so I stopped suggesting anything and I keep my mouth shut - nothing I can do but watch.

Sorry OP, it sucks and yeah sometimes I wish I never married someone with kids - I was just young and dumb and thought it would be fine.

[Anonymous]

You should be concerned, OP. These step-kids will end up living with you into their late 20s or 30s if they can't get their shit together.

[Anonymous]

I could never love someone that raised mediocre children. I'm not kidding. There is nothing more important than raising good kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kinds of posts from stepdads almost always mean that the stepdad thinks the kids should be doing more chores and are not "respectful" enough. And that StepDad has a completely unrealistic view of what life with a tween/teen is like.

Not at all. Just school work and extracurriculars.

-OP

You're still being incredibly vague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of your concern.

+1 Why do you care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could never love someone that raised mediocre children. I'm not kidding. There is nothing more important than raising good kids.

Why is mediocre bad? Most people are mediocre. Doesn't mean they're bad people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of your concern.

+1 Why do you care?

Because it's difficult to watch lazy unmotivated kids turn into lazy unmotivated adults It's like watching a hotdog be made. And it teases out character flaws in the parent(s), e.g. parents trying to be kid's best friend, parents being gullible, parents being passive, parents being lazy themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never love someone that raised mediocre children. I'm not kidding. There is nothing more important than raising good kids.

Why is mediocre bad? Most people are mediocre. Doesn't mean they're bad people.

If that's their potential, sure. If they're mediocre because their environment didn't encourage them to reach their potential it's a diff story.