DiverDown wrote:His gf broke up with him

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a weird question: But about six months ago, my DH was telling me he wanted a divorce, was leaving, it was over (really, out of nowhere for me)... I begged him to go to therapy to save our marriage, and we did, and worked on communication issues for about 5 or 6 sessions.....and then our work life got crazy/things seemed more stable..... But I have this nagging feeling the I never got down to the truth of WHY he wanted a divorce so suddenly and the conversations are replaying in my head over and over of him telling me it is over/he wants a divorce/there is nothing I can do about it...... Our therapist said it was just "part" of him that wanted the divorce and applied parts theory to make me understand that it was not all of him wanting the divorce.

Now, summer is fun, lots of travel, our jobs going well, kids happy......IT's as if none of the divorce threats happened. I could just move on and pretend those conversations never happened. But recently the questions of his faithfulness to me have come up by two third parties, and I'm wondering if there is more to the divorce threats than I knew of.... Questions are swirling in my head: did he have an affair? is that why he asked for the divorce? how could he have been so cruel to threaten to divorce me so spontaneously just as I was going through a "rough" patch with my job?

Is it better to just move on and onward - look ahead to a bright future and not resurrect the dark secrets of the past?? e.g. "Does it matter? It's in the past...." But at the same time....Don't I want to get to th bottom of what really happened?

Anonymous wrote:O (although sometimes when I tried to initiate he pushed me away).....

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else. His behavior is so typical of someone having an affair and then having it end. As to whether you want to get to the bottom of it, I think that depends on what you want. If he was cheating, would you kick him to the curb, or would you want to reconcile? If you would leave, then by all means bring it up. Ask him straight out. If you'd rather reconcile, keep going to therapy and building your relationship up. Talk about your concerns there, in a setting where you can get some closure. I know people who have been in your position and for them, it seemed easier to focus on how to get to a good place rather than focusing on who did what to damage the relationship.